Do you think that it is right to tell your children about issues related to family fights?

Question

My sister inlaw and I aren't talking at this time due to differences between who said what. I have tried calling her to resolve this issue, however she refuses to speak with me directly. Instead she tells her children. Now I believe it isn't the right thing to do considering the children have nothing to do with it the children ages are from 13-7. I don't wanna send emails to my sis in law and she refuses to speak to me on the phone. Any good advise what I should do?

Answer 1

You've done what you can. Now the balls in her court. But to answer your question, no it is never ok to put your children in the middle and if that is what SHE'S doing then let it go. She'll come around when she gets calmed down.

Answer 2

Well, they're her children, and it's her business what she wants to tell them, and depending on their maturity level and closeness to the rest of the family, it might be good for them to understand what's going on. But since they are pretty young, she should try to give them a simple, unbiased explanation, and not just vent and whine to them.

In her disagreement with you, your sister-in-law is being immature. She needs to communicate with you at some point, and settle the argument. However, maybe she needs a little while to cool down and collect her thoughts before she can discuss them rationally.
Send a message to her (indirectly through a third party if you must) that you understand she is upset, and you want to give her time to cool down if that is what she needs, but you hope you can resolve the situation soon and restore harmony within the family (this ploy can be particularly effective during the holidays). Offer an apology for anything you feel you may have done wrong. Then the ball is in her court, and she must make the next effort.

Answer 3

How do you know she is telling her children? Are they talking to you and telling you she told them? You should be the grown up and continue to try to be approachable. And no she shouldn't be involving her children in an adult scuffle no matter what. She is behaving like a child and since somebody has to be the adult you get the job. Hopefully she will get the message that you aren't going to play the game and she'll get over it. If the children are talking to you just let them know that you want to resolve the problem with their mother but you don't feel right about putting them in the middle. Let them know you love them and their mother and you hope you can resolve the issue soon. Hope this helps.

Answer 4

Well personally I want to know what my parents are fighting about. It helps me to understand the issues. So I think if your sister inlaw's children want to know what you're fighting about, then they should be told. Also it is more than likely that they will find out somehow or another, and it's better to hear it directly.

As for what you should do, I think you should show up at her house one day. Then go in and talk to her and try to work out your differences. Generally things like this (I have found) don't work too well over the phone, and the best thing to do, is have a face to face conversation.

Well that's my opinion at least.

Answer 5

well, if it didn't involve the kids at all, I don't think they should have been brought into it, but if they were asking questions and feeling weird about what happened between you two, then something definitely should have been said. If it was a situation where the kids were curious and should have been told something, I hope that your sister didn't say anything too ugly about you, because that's plain psychological abuse because by saying bad things about you, she's turning her kids away from you, and taking away all the respect they had for you. This could turn out pretty bad for you, depending on what she said. I would try to talk to your sister about it, ask her how much she said, and try to do some damage control with the kids. Definitely try to patch it up with your sister too. It might be better for you to swallow your pride, and just let things go in order for you to regain the respect of your neices/nephews

Answer 6

try getting another memeber of the family 2 be a mediator 4 the 2 of you. as for the children absolutely tell the children that you will not discuss adult situations with them.

in my opion ur sister in law is very wrong getting the children into, they r 2 young 2 understand adult situations.

email her if nothing else but dont kiss her *** if she is not adult enough 2 want 2 fix the situation and u have tried once or twice then let it go.

good luck

Answer 7

No, unless it is the children I would suggest we don't taint the children's mind with our crap. Your sis-in-law could be causing her children to think differently about you. I say remain the level headed one and always make sure you are the bigger person, so that her children will make their own impression of you. They will soon see the truth but don't you go and talk to them it will never work. Good luck.

Answer 8

I do think if the children question the act of adults, the act should be addressed. But it should be generalized and not place blame. As for advice, I think it is time for your husband, or her husband to intervene. It may be something simple keeping her from seeing others points of view.

Answer 9

leave her alone and let her cool off. you've tried and you see she's not ready. if the children know you love and care about them then they'll be ok. it won't last forever btwn the 2 of you but it is really immature to involve anyone (children or adult) into fueds. it sets a bad example and makes you look stupid.

Answer 10

if you live close to her maybe you could go to her house and face her and see if she will talk then i like to tell my children things to keep in tune with the family they are 13 and 14 i may not say bad things to them but they know when things are not right ....