My husband keeps receiving calls from a 18 year old girl. We have known her since she was 8 years old and we consider part of the family. Since a week foward my husband recieves 10 to 15 calls a day from her. I asked him to tell her to stop calling because she never wants to speak to me and she demands to speak to him. He cursed me out and told me I was being stupid. My husband is 40 years old and I am 30. My husband made me feel really bad and he told me that I am fat and ugly. What should I do, I am feeling very stressed and I have taught about leaving him. Any comments, serious comments please.
2006-12-19 08:11:35 · 45 answers · asked by kayla_lopez_2006 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sounds like he is cheating to me, if not physically, he certainly has emotionally. He is, also, being emotionally and verbally abusive. This is no way to live and there is always the danger that verbal and emotional abuse will turn to physical abuse. He is the one cheating and being abusive.
Do not let anyone lay this on you as your fault. He is an adult. If there are issues in your relationship that he has a problem, he should have lovingly discussed it with you so the two of you could work it out together. Not selfishly getting involved with someone else and them try to put the blame on you.
This may not be easy, but you should give him an ultimatum. Go into marriage counseling with you or leave. Let him be the one the leave. Without him working with you in counseling and being truthful and honest, I do not see the marriage working out.
P.S. You can try asking your husband but the odds are you are not going to get a straight honest answer. Mine denied any affair long after the marriage was over and there was no chance of reprisal.
2006-12-19 08:37:43 · answer #1 · answered by Calina 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
OMG!!! There is definitely something not right about that. Even if he is not having an affair with this girl, eveidently he must wish it, or he would not take her calls anymore. he'd also be a little more understanding about how it hurts you. The fact that he is being defensive about it, is a clear sign that something is not right.
Also, why is he calling to fat and ugly now? Is that something new, or has he always done this? if so, why are you still with him? You can certainly find someone else that will treat you better.
However, if he has all of a sudden started acting like this, I'd say he is definitely going thru some mid-life crisis. It probably makes him feel young and sexy again to have an 18 yr old girl calling him. C'mon, most men his age would love that and you can't blame them for that. However, HELLO, he is married now. There is no room for it now.
Anyway, please get to the bottom of it. You deserve better than that!
Good luck!
2006-12-19 08:17:34 · answer #2 · answered by Singthing 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes he is cheating this 18 year old girl has No business in calling your husband ..Talk to the girl and talk to your husband if you suspect this and this is true a woman intuition is hardly wrong..And the fact that he is making you feel bad and different and calling you names is a sure sign he is up to something this 18 year old girls needs a serious talking to and so does your husband ,.,..Get tough is he worth to fight over... You see I think differently than most...If i were you i will join the gym hire a trainer and use his indiference with me as a weapon everytime he hurts our feelings and makes you feel bad go and work your *** off until you drop a couple of pounds go out one night and meet someone and give them your number have this person call do to him what he is doing to you ......Trust me you will start feeling alot better and needing him less once you receive the attention you need...GIrl 30 is the new 20 you have an advantage over his old ***......He will see this and start asking you ?'s that is when YOU turn the tables on him and call him names .....and make him feel bad......and probably by then you wont need him or love him ....
2006-12-19 08:19:44 · answer #3 · answered by melanni 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would venutre to say if your husband cursed at you and told my you were being stupid and that you were fat and ugly, he is completely out of control.
10 to 15 calls a day from an 18 year old girl? What are they talking about? Is he within ear shot to you when they talk? How exactly does she "demand" to speak to him. I'd be hardpressed to have an 18 year old "demand" to talk to my husband.
If he's not "interested" in her, then he would suggest that she discuss her problems with you.... There should be no reason why an 18 year old girl needs to talk to a 40 year old man several times a day, even if she is like a "father" to her.
I would venture to say that you really do need to confront him about this....most importantly however, keep your dignity. Do not cry, do not say things like "I can't believe you are doing this"....
Your husband seems like a reall @$$ to me if he speaks to you the way you say, but I don't know that your marriage is in bad enough shape that it can't be salvaged. First things first tho' you need to find out what's going on instead of speculating.
I also don't suggest asking the girl.
Good Luck
2006-12-19 08:19:04 · answer #4 · answered by favrd1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When a man turns it around and makes it sound like you are the one with the problem, that is a sure sign that he is cheating. He's not even trying to hide it! Neither one of them seems to care that you know! 10 to 15 calls a day? hello! and this is just what you are aware of. I'm sure you can imagine what else is going on. He is 40 and she is 18? He is not only an idiot, he is a pig! She is just a kid and he is taking advantage of her and of you. I know it is difficult to leave but you are better off. Take your kids, if you have any and Go stay with your parents and don't believe what your husband tells you if he tries to get you back. He has to prove himself a million times over before you even consider taking him back. He brought this on, not you so don't blame yourself.
2006-12-19 08:40:12 · answer #5 · answered by R 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, never let a 18-year old demand anything from you. He is still your husband. Instead of playing the guessing game and getting all stressed out about it...confront him. Ask him if he is having an affair. You know your husband, you will be able to tell if he is lying, or not. If you think he is worth fighting for, then by all means, fight for your man. But, if you think you would be better off without him, then don't stay and make yourself miserable...Good luck to you.
2006-12-19 08:15:34 · answer #6 · answered by SM M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
10 to 15 calls a day from ANYONE is too much, I don't care if it's his best friend, his mother, or anyone else. It is unreasonable on all counts. The girl is the least of your problems if your husband curses you out and tells you that you're fat and ugly. The real problem is his utter disrespect for you. This is no way to carry on in a marriage.
2006-12-19 08:19:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
please leave him,for ur own good.he has insulted u,and yelled @ u when he questioned this girls calls.u already know he likes younger women,now he is even after teen agers.he's a bad man,and theres no marriage left to save.he fooled u by being nice at first,but another,younger girl comes along and he calls u "fat and ugly."he may try to make up with nu,but dont believe him,he's with that girl,or close to it.at 30,u have ur life ahead of u.ur still ypoung,get free,and try marriage again with someone who adores u.u deserve nothing less.this man is starting down a slippery slope behaviour-wise,get out b4 it all gets even uglier.the new yeart is coming up-the perfect time to make changes.he may get sentimental at xmas and treat u well again that week,but make no mistake-he and that girl are disregarding ur status as a wife.she's not a"member of the family",but a rival.and he's no longer a loving husband,but someone who puts u down.please dump him and go on to a full and wonderful life.his nonsense with the kid will crash and burn,u will make mature choices and in 10 years,u will be happier and stronger,and he'll just be a pathetic old freak,chasing young girls.be strong,and good luck!!!get out b4 u waste anymore of ur life,u only have one life,dont waste it on someone who is cruel to u !!!!
2006-12-19 08:24:23 · answer #8 · answered by Adriel M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she is calling that many times a day,. there is definitely something going on or something went on. I would call her and meet her and ask her for the truth. Obviously the cheater is not going to give you the answers.
I f he is degrading you , there is little chance that he is not fooling around. Anyone who disrespects anyone in a relationship by calling names is a person who is trying to convince you his actions that he has taken are because you pushed him into it; He is trying to make you realize what he has done is your fault...
This is a cheater...... call her or go and see her..... no yelling, be truthful and listen to what she has to say. Once you know, then you can take action.
Do not dignify his behaviour by a drop dead drag-em out fight. Make your plans, pack his bags and change the locks. Go to a lawyer immediately and get child support if you need it and file.
You do not need to be with a cheater, a bully or an immature man....
2006-12-19 08:20:09 · answer #9 · answered by doclakewrite 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a huge fan of women's intuition. If you think something is not right it probably isn't. His first mistake is emotionally abusing you by calling you fat and ugly. And he should have enough respect for your feelings to tell her to stop calling or at least to acknowledge your existence. I have been there and I know it hurts. You definitely deserve better than what you are being dealt. I would seriously say to pray about it, and if this is causing you more stress than it's worth than maybe leaving him is best for both of you.
2006-12-19 08:17:09 · answer #10 · answered by beautifulnsaved 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋