Something feels off i cant place it but something feels wrong?I am 24 yrs old and my bf is 28 and i love him very much but i am suspicious of where he is getting some of his money?I live with him and i know what he gets paid for a living as an entrepreneur plus where his investment are but something is not adding up?Either we are living way above are means or its something else.Is it normal for a man to not let his future wife look at any of the bills?I know his family has a bit of a bad reputation with his father and uncle being in jail for white collar crimes(he never specified exactly what just buisness related) but i dont think he is the type.Am i just being paranoid?
2006-12-19 07:56:48 · 24 answers · asked by Lillybell H 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Also when i talked to my best friend she made italian mob jokes so please none of those he is Russian and jewish!
2006-12-19 08:00:19 · update #1
I did ask but he said that he is the man and should support me.
2006-12-19 08:08:02 · update #2
You're not being paranoid, you're finally willing to acknowledge what you've tried to deny all along. You know he is the type-- the apple doesn't fall far from the tree- stop denying it and get real. All the evidence is in front of you, but you need to have the courage to accept it.
If he doesn't let you in on all the finances, and you know his family is into shady deals, don't forget, as his wife, you'll be legally responsible for his actions.
2006-12-19 08:02:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is NOT NORMAL for him to hide his bills from you, and if you live together then you should be handling the money not him, your about to be married thats crazy and, if he has more money that hes suppose or has less money then something is up, and i dont think you should marry him til he is open with you cause if you dont stand your ground now then you will get married, and it want get better, i suggest you do some digging its not that hard to find out call the companies, and say you misplaced the bill and you need a new one and make shore you get it from the mailbox before him and keep track of spending habits,go though his pockets when hes sleepin or in the shower you got to sneek a lil to find out whats going on this is your future ur talkin about.
2006-12-19 08:06:42 · answer #2 · answered by ncgirl 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ask him! If he can't tell you what is going on then you may need to hold of on the wedding. You two will be spending the rest of your lives together it is your right to know or to ask things that you are wondering. You know I once dated a guy that pulled off white collared crimes but it didn't take until marriage for me to find out what the truth was. Of course he is not going to want to tell you but if your commnunication is at a fair level he really should . It sounds like you maybe a little too passive about this marriage thing. You both should be preparing to handle your finances together.
2006-12-19 08:02:01 · answer #3 · answered by Jan l 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not being paranoid. You should know these things BEFORE you get married. Because afterwards it is too late to open your mouth then. I would suggest sitting down with him and talking openingly with him about how things will be when you two marry. For example, who will pay the bills? How will household chores be divided up? Will you two have a joint account or separate accounts as far as saving/checking? And so on.... I wouldn't just sit there and not say anything to him, NOR stress your expectations for him as a husband. If the money issues are bothering you now, they will later as well. :(
2006-12-19 08:01:45 · answer #4 · answered by Chy O 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No one is "the type". But people do embezzle money and commit other relatied crimes. No, it is not normal for a peson to not involve their future spouse in the financial affairs if the future spouse have expressed the interest of being "enlightened". In my family, my husband handles most of the bills, but anytime I have a question he explains where the money goes, or where it's coming from. There are no secrets.
P.S. Yeah, beware of those Russians... (ok, j/k, I'm a Russian too!) :)
2006-12-19 08:01:02 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Court records are a part of public record. Go to the court house and ask them how to research this. I would want to see the bills also. Ask him first and if he won't pony up th einformation, I would start doing some research. If all else fails, take extra cash and hire someone to do a background check or you can go on the internet and do one yourself. Don't get married with these suspicions.
2006-12-19 08:52:57 · answer #6 · answered by country girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look, if your going to be married you need to be able to trust each other or its doomed before it even begins.
If you are Leary, just be strong and pull up all your strength and ask him whats going on.
You seem like a pretty intelligent person, If you look at everything and it don't add up, chances are your right.You know him better than any one does and we don't know him at all, so it will have to be you that decides weather or not he is hiding something from you or not. But best to realize that you are about to jump into a commitment and need to know its not going to be cut short by him ending up in prison.Ask him straight forward whats up!
2006-12-19 08:05:12 · answer #7 · answered by vmaxer85 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If I was you I would sit him down and talk to him about how you are feeling and let him know that if you are going to be his wife you shouldn't be kept in the dark about anything and you know things are not adding up. Be calm when you talk and don't cry or act like you are scared to ask.
2006-12-19 08:08:51 · answer #8 · answered by fiestylady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen, once you're married, creditors will see you as equally financially responsible. Yes, you must be allowed to see his bills and accounts, because if anything is wrong, you will be in as much financial trouble as him. You are not being paranoid, you are being sensible. If he argues with you on this, then he is either hiding something or he is extremely immature.
2006-12-19 08:03:49 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Only marry a person you can respect and trust implicitly. One thing is his handling the bills if you're not good at that (like me, for instance)--but not sharing vital information about finances is very, very not on. Talk to him about it, not angry just, "I'd like you to take me through our budget etc. so I know where we are." If he gets angry or suspicious, I'd hold off on the wedding.
2006-12-19 08:02:35 · answer #10 · answered by anna 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋