When is enough is enough?

Question

I went to a party with a good friend of mine. We are only friends and there were a couple of times that he was very crast. He acted like a totally different person and quite frankly I had wished we did not go to the party together. The hard part is we are really good friends and I would hate to lose this friendship but I can not tolerate the behavior I witnessed the other night. Can you help?

He was not under the influence of alcohol or anything else when this behavior happened. At least if that was the case I would have an explanation

Answer 1

It's very simple. You stop him right in his tracks when he does it and tell him it's not ok. If he speaks to you in a way that you feel is wrong look him right in the eyes and say, "What makes you think it's ok to talk to me like that?" or "Just so you know, it's not ok for you to talk to me like that and if you want us to remain friends you won't do that anymore because I don't appreciate it".

You'd be surprised how saying something like that can shock them and get their attention. You don't have to be mean back. Just say it in a serious tone and watch him squirm.

Answer 2

Lots of people show off in front of others. Thats probably what happened at the party. He just got too much of a dose of having to show off. If he is a really good friend as you say then talk to him. Tell him that you wont be going to any more parties with him because his behaviour was rude and it embarrassed you. If he cares about your feelings he will listen to you and should apologise. If he is nasty to you about you telling him the truth, then he obviously doesnt respect your friendship, and that is when I would decide if enough was enough. You dont have to put up with bad behaviour from anyone, and I dont care what anyone says, people do judge you by the company you keep, and if this guy behaved so badly, it would probably reflect on you too. If you thought his behaviour was bad then Im sure other people at the party would have thought so too, so you would be doing him a favour by confronting him on it. If he doesnt care, then maybe you will have to find friendship with someone who does know how to behave in public.

Talk to him, nothing ventured nothing gained. The very least it will accomplish is to show you what kind of character this guy really has. If all he is interested in, is impressing people, then he is rather a shallow guy, and I wouldnt want to be hanging around with someone like that anyway.

Answer 3

if he acts differently around other people he may not really be acting himself when the 2 of you are alone, so you may not even know who he is or he might not even know.

I would suggest very politely telling him how you feel about what happened at the party and ask him why he was acting so different. because the only person who can fix this situation is him, so you need to make him aware of it... he might not even realize he was acting different, definitely tell him.. if he get's irritated by what you say he's probably not a good friend anyway.

your main title asks "when is enough enough?" well when you feel uncomfortable/bad around somebody because of their actions then that is when it's enough.

-ben

Answer 4

You need to let him know that he made you feel uncomfortable at the party and tell him what he did to make you feel that way. If he is a true friend he will not do that to you any more if he is not then you don't need him in your life anyway. Men sometimes don't think about what they are saying or doing when they do it. but if you don't let him know he will keep this behavior up.

Answer 5

You may just need to let the friendship fall to the waist side. If you can't tolerate his behavior then that is the only thing you can do. Or just don't go out with him anywhere.

Answer 6

i would not want to tolerate his crass behavior either...because this was a party..!!!.REMEMBER IF HE ACTED LIKE THAT AT A PARTY, WOULD HE ACT LIKE THAT OTHER TIMES??? that you would have to figure out...plus he acted like a totally different person...DR. JEKEL AND MR. HYDE...scary...i do not know if you would really want this person in your life ...you would have to decide...I WOULD JUST BACK OFF AND NOT BE GOOD FRIENDS...but i would say something like..."MY THE OTHER NIGHT AT THAT PARTY, you were acting different??? can you tell me why you were ?? and see if he gets aggressive!!!! IF HE DOES, DUMP HIM!!!

Answer 7

Was he drinking? was he having a bad day? have you analyzed these things. Unless he is disrespecting you I would end the friendship things like that happen all the time. I would however suggest that you hang out with him a little less. Don't dig your own grave of hostility towards him.

Answer 8

I dated a guy like that once. He was a real sweetheart and very generous. At times when we went out with other couples, he acted exactly like your friend. I decided he was just trying to show off (very immature). I asked him why he acted like that around me and that he never acted like that when he was with his former girlfriend. I told him I didn't appreciate it and it was embarrassing. He stopped acting like that. We have since broken up.

Answer 9

well - its possibly the alcohol talking?

if so - just dont go with him to anywhere he is likely to display this behaviour

mix with him when he is sober only

broaching behaviour under alcohol can be hard as he is unlikley to truly remeber how bad he behaved

if it is not alcohol just tell him gently that you are worried about the way he behaved - it scares you as it is not the Him you know


softly softly gentle gentle is the key

Answer 10

Sounds like you need to put some limitations on your friendship. True friends don't take one another for granted.