my son is 6 moths old and he spends most time with me. Thus, when his grandmother comes once per week to babysit him, starts to cry after 30-45 minuts; when I step in to the room where he sits with the gradma, he calms down but when I try to go to the other room to work, he cries so hard... the grandma says he is spoiled and I should let him cry-out but I cannot... I don't want him to feel rejected. What do you think?
2006-12-19 06:34:26 · 16 answers · asked by chips 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
Most grandmas believe that by not letting babies cry it out they are being spoiled. That is old, bad advice. He is not spoiled. Trust your instincts and go with todays advice from experts.
Young babies are completely spoil-proof. Your baby needs all the care and attention you can give. Ignore the advice of well-meaning relatives who think babies need to learn independence. Instead, listen to your parental instinct — that inner voice that tells you to comfort your baby when he cries.
"Spoiled children" have learned to use negative behavior to get what they want. But your baby is too young to purposefully manipulate or annoy you. He cries to communicate his needs, whether they're for a snack, a dry diaper, or a little cuddling with Mom or Dad. When you respond quickly to your baby, you're building his sense of self-worth. You're also establishing a foundation of trust that can last for years to come.
If you give your baby prompt attention, he'll feel more secure and less anxious, giving him the courage to explore the world on his own. And once he understands that you take his cries seriously, he'll be less likely to cry for no reason. In the long run, responding quickly to your baby's needs will make him less clingy and demanding, not more.
2006-12-19 06:43:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
Okay this probably is gonna sound old fashioned to you, but, I promise I'm only 35. I have 4 boys. If he only cries when you leave the room, he just wants you to come back to him. She is right, he is spoiled, but, hey all kids are spoiled if they have parents who love them. I know mine are. there is nothing wrong with him being spoiled. But, it won't hurt to let him cry a little either. Try this, go out of the room and time him to see how long he cries, do this a few times I promise the crying will become shorter and shorter. Soon he'll get used to the fact that Mommy has some work to do that he can't help with. And once you do come back into the room, he'll know you're not leaving him, that you are just in the next room. He'll get used to it and you will too.
2006-12-19 14:45:50 · answer #2 · answered by LittleLady 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
When my daughter was six months, I'd let her cry 10-15 minutes. Now she's 14 months and I let her go about 20 before I go into her room. Most of the time, she falls asleep after 19 and a half minutes!
Try leaving him in his crib/pack 'n' play a few times a day for 10 minutes. Give yourself time to go to the bathroom, get dressed, brush your teeth, do your hair, and maybe put on a little make-up.
While your child's crying will wrench your heart, in the long-run you're doing him and yourself a favor. He won't always be able to have mommy whenever he wants. This will ease separation anxieties in the future; he just needs to know mom will come back. You'll make it.
2006-12-19 14:42:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is a touchy subject for some, so expect some people to make you feel horribly for even thinking it.
BUT....at 6mths that is the best time to let them cry it out if you choose to do so. At this point he's attached to you, and its seperation anxiety. Its ok to let him cry for a little bit (no more than 5-10min at a time). Dont let him get to worked up or hot because he may start throwing up.
I personally can't do the cry it out thing because I myself start crying so now I have one very attached 4yr old. But trust me, he wont feel rejected, he'll learn a little independence.
2006-12-19 14:38:52 · answer #4 · answered by alexis73102 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you always pick a child up when he cries then he will never learn to be independent. Have you every watched Supernanny? That is a great show... it teaches you all the tricks about parenting. I know leaving your child to cry makes you feel like an awful mother- but look at it this way- it is for his own good. Its a growing up process.
2006-12-19 14:37:21 · answer #5 · answered by JoHanna 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I can't believe how many people told you your baby is spoiled. It is IMPOSSIBLE to spoil a baby this young. His fears about being separated from you are real to him. He is way too young to deliberately manipulate you. So my opinion is that you should go to him and comfort him. That will make him feel secure, and as he gets older he'll be more comfortable with others because he is secure.
2006-12-19 16:33:23 · answer #6 · answered by KL 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A 6 month old doesn't understand the concept of being "rejected". All he knows is "Mom used to be here..now she's not". It's not rejecting or abandoning him if you leave. He has his grandmother there and he will be fine with her.
You need to just let him cry it out. If you don't, then he'll never learn how to calm himself and you'll have an even bigger problem later on.
2006-12-19 14:39:49 · answer #7 · answered by CelebrateMeHome 6 · 3⤊ 5⤋
there is nothing wrong with your baby crying or that you want to comfort him when he does. you will need to learn that you will not be able to be with your baby all the time and he has to learn to be around others. your baby will be just fine. good luck
2006-12-19 14:38:28 · answer #8 · answered by smileygirl 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like he is very attached to you. I think you need to get away from him more so he can learn that other people can take of him too.
2006-12-19 14:37:11 · answer #9 · answered by JS 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hes not going to feel rejected he is spoiled hell get over it
2006-12-19 14:37:05 · answer #10 · answered by DIRKDIGGLER 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋