I have had an affair with an old flame for almost a year. His wife has been pregnant during most of the affair. He has gone back and forth saying he wants to stop the affair and just wants to be friends and then changes and says he wants to continue the affiar. Although we talk and email almost daily, he refuses to see me or meet me for fear, I suppose, of becoming intimate and then feeling guilty about it later. We are very good friends and I would not want to lose his friendship, however, I would very much like to continue to see him regularly but how do I get him to see me?The baby, a boy after 2 girls, was born yesterday. He is to email me and let me know how the baby is but hasn't done so yet. I know I am not in love with him but I do have a lot of affection and love for him. What should I do now? Leave him alone? Move on? make the effort to stay friends? I am also married with kids. What do you think will happen now?
2006-12-19 06:04:59 · 19 answers · asked by R 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He has had affairs in the past. This is my first. I don't want to hurt anyone, especially my kids. everyone keeps saying not to continue because everyone will get hurt but no one knows about us.
2006-12-19 07:11:05 · update #1
What's sad about this is two families with small children are at risk of being devastated because of your selfish actions. Leave him alone now, and no matter how guilty YOU feel don't tell your husband. If there are problems with your marriage focus on the problems that drove you away in the first place but leave this affair behind you especially if you don't want to cause pain to your children.
2006-12-19 06:11:52 · answer #1 · answered by CA DIVA 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow people can be harsh but ....well I have been on the other end of this....my hubby and I were fine GREAT really and then baby 3 surprise us....men don't talk then she came around and for some reason he talked to her and it stared as friendship then grew I suspected but didn't have proof until my son (also 2 older girls) was born....Let me say how hard it is to recover from having you 3rd child( Csection) take care of your older 2 a newborn yourself and have to deal with knowing your spouse cheated!!!!!!!! I swear I wanted to die at times you are a wife a mother now you can not be happy now but try to remember when you were right right after your children were born how would you have felt learning this???? You need to not be selfish and let him go and no do not be friends!!! Make a clean break let him enjoy the new life he will have with his family with this new baby....If it is meant to be and you both truly love each other then it will be but for now think of others before your self think of that baby don't ruin his life before he has a chance to enjoy it.....
2006-12-19 06:34:21 · answer #2 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should NEVER have been having an affair in the first place. What are you doing? Think about your actions, the man who you have been screwing has a wife, had 2 children and 1 on the way, you have a husband and have children, are you so selfish to ruin the lives of children and your husband and his wife. In your post you ask should you move on, honey, move on to what, you should be with your husband and children ONLY, move on, please you really are making NO sense here. This man is so very obviously trying to distance himself from you and you are still waiting for an email about his newborn child, this really takes the cake and says that you only care for yourself. Did you actually expect for him to up and leave his wife after she gave birth and leave his child so he could privately email you regarding his child? You also ask what you should do now, well here it is, you should think only of your husband and stop having affairs, if there is a problem in your marriage that is causing you to seek out someone who isn't your husband then you need to seek counseling NOW, and you need to concentrate on your children and NOT this man. Please remember when you cheat on your spouse you it not only affects you and your partner it affects both families. Try to NOT be so selfish, you do have a family who loves you, and has affection for you. Focus on YOUR family!!
2006-12-19 06:21:21 · answer #3 · answered by Premo Mom 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to leave him alone. He obviously has a lot of guilty feelings and wants to make a break of it, but he feels guilty about leaving you in the lurch too. No you can't be friends with him. There will always be those feelings and temptations for both of you. All you will do is make both of you miserable. Even if he decides to leave and be with you, he will always be unhappy because his conscience will get the best of him.
Let him have his family and stop trying to draw him away from them. Think about your own family and focus on them. If you want out of your marriage, do what you have to do, but don't drag him in the gutter with you.
2006-12-19 06:15:40 · answer #4 · answered by PDH 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Move on and leave him alone. There is no way to stay friends and if either of your spouse found out about the affair I am sure it would be a HUGE deal. Leave him to his family and move on with your own!
2006-12-19 06:10:15 · answer #5 · answered by Mystic 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have answered your question. Leave him alone. You are married and he is married end of story. You can be friends but you don't have to see each other. Obviously, something is missing in your marriage as to why you are seeking your ex's friendship and affection. Talk to your husband about what you need from him emotionally and physically.
2006-12-19 06:12:42 · answer #6 · answered by kitcat 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to get as far away from this person as you can and concentrate on your family. Do your best to realize that you need to take a cement block to the head, but then learn to appreciate what you have.
I suspect that you might need several cement blocks to the head, as you appear to feel no guilt or remorse for your affair.
Your husband will eventually find out. When he does, he will (or should) divorce you. You deserve it.
2006-12-19 06:16:57 · answer #7 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is a no-brainer. Maybe you should get your head examined for even asking a question like this. What did you think everyone would say go ahead and ruin the lives of those kids?
2006-12-19 06:28:56 · answer #8 · answered by OhNo! 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Leave him alone and let him be happy in his marriage. Obviously he cares about you or he would have just told you to go away. But he doesnt want to hurt you. If you care for him just let him go. Its incredibly selfish to stick around at this point.
2006-12-19 06:17:43 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a name for women like you, but I will hold my hand. You should stop this now. Focus on your marriage. Never see this man again, or email, nothing. You aught to be ashamed, both of you.
2006-12-19 06:22:21 · answer #10 · answered by ? 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋