Ok. I really didnt want to post this but I have got to get some opinions. Me and my husband have been married almost eight months. He is 23 and Im 21. We dated for almost five years before getting married. In the beginning, we had sex ALL THE TIME! It didnt matter where we were. He always grabbed my butt or was rubbing on me, kissing me, and telling me he loves me. But now we have sex MAYBE once a month!! And when we do do it, its about 2 minutes long and hes done. He doesnt even care about me? Now I am 5 months pregnant but he always says my belly is beautiful. I dont understand. I have talked to him about why he never wants to be intimate and he says hes tired. I understand that. He does work about 55 hours a week but at least he could do is love on me and cuddle with me. Ive been patient for the past 5 months but now I feel like he are drifting apart. Why doesnt he love on me? Why doesnt he want to have sex? Im only 21!!!!
2006-12-19 05:54:00 · 20 answers · asked by proudmother 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Believe it or not, some men are uncomfortable with having sex with their pregnant wife, especially when it's the first pregnancy. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you, he's just finding it hard to deal with having sex with you. He may be afraid of hurting the unborn child, or you.
Stop feeling so insecure and consider what your husband is going through. Be the loving wife you've always been and give him time to come around. You can try talking to him about this, but you might not get the answer you want. Be warm and loving and see what happens.
2006-12-19 06:26:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No surprise that your sex life has tapered off - it (almost) always does, to one extent or another. It takes a LOT of effort, from both parties, to keep the "fire" going, after the first few years. Still, your situation doesn't seem *quite* normal.
Hate to say it, but the baby may be an issue. Was getting pregnant an "accident," or was it a decision you both made together? If it was an "accident," he might be subconsciously resentful that his life is about to change in such a dramatic fashion. Also, no matter what they might say, some men are (irrationally) un-attracted to pregnant women. He might think that he would be hurting the baby.
If he works as much as you say, and you are a stay-at-home wife, see what you can do about easing his burden. If he works 55 hrs a week, and comes home and has to do laundry, cook dinner, clean house, mow the yard, pick up the dry cleaning, take out the trash, etc., the LAST thing on his mind is going to be sex. And even then, he's going to put minimal effort into it (which he appears to be doing).
My advice: tell him how you feel. There is no "right" or "wrong," and if you start out by putting him on the defensive, you'll make ZERO progress. Stay away from harassing questions like, "Why don't you touch me anymore? I love you, don't you love me?" Be patient, be kind, be giving, and do what you can to ease his burden. Then try seducing him. I'll leave the "how" up to your imagination.
When you talk to him about how you feel, phrase it in positive terms, such as "I really love you, and I'm VERY attracted to you. I want to get back to how hot we were for each other when we first got married. What can WE do, together, to make that happen?" Relationships are about communication, compromise, understanding, and SACRIFICE. You may have to do a little sacrificing here, even if you feel that the problem is "his."
You need to get a handle on this issue now, before your pregnancy is so far along that sex is no longer an option. Because after the baby comes, he's going to be even more tired and stressed out.
2006-12-19 06:34:12 · answer #2 · answered by Humberto 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What Starla said, and...
Remember when you used to make love all the time like that? Did you ever consider how much work that was for him? Did you ever take the time to appreciate the work he put into taking care of you and making sure you were happy? Now he's working 55 hours, and suprise suprise, he doesn't have that much energy. Pluss the extra added responsibility associated with having a pregnant wife.
You're angry because it's only two minutes, what do you want? An elaborate, well planned and coordinated seduction? Seriously, sit down and plan what you would have him do to you, then you do it to him. Keep track of how many hours you spend on prepration, organization, and then execution. Does he even have that much awake time in a week? If you're "not sure what he'd do," pick something he's already done. My wife did that once after making the same complaint a few months after our son was born, when she actually finished up, she tallied up all the time. I came home from work the next day and without any preamble she just said, "You don't have that much time, how in the heck do you do it?" Once I'd figured out what she was talking about, I told her a few of my tricks, like making phone calls on lunch breaks and such. She has a whole new respect for it now. She doesn't expect an elaborate ritual every week any more, and makes sure to make herself avaliable to me.
2006-12-19 06:29:56 · answer #3 · answered by Sean J 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, usually it the other way around, the guys want to have sex all the time. You did not mention if he stopped when you got pregnant. Or before that. He may be overwhelmed with the thought of having a baby. It's wonderfull that he tells you that he likes your belly, I think it's sexy too, but alot of guys don't like it. Create a no pressure sexy enviroment and let him take the lead, if you push him all the time he's not gonna be intrested. Try this, tell him for 3 days, that your just gonna make out, but no sex, I used this in my marraige and after three heavy make out sessions, you will both wanna go crazy on each other. Hope it helps, Bob
2006-12-19 06:05:54 · answer #4 · answered by Bob B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He probably is tired. Do you have interests outside of your home? You may want to join an expecting mother's group so that you have a support network.
Pregnancy and impending child birth can change the dynamics of your relationship. Your husband may feel that he needs to be more responsible now that you have a baby on the way. He may think your carefree days are over. You may want to talk to him about these issues.
I think he still loves you but may be overwhelmed with all these new responsibilities of caring for and providing for a wife and child. If you are able to talk about this, your intimacy and closeness could return. You may also want to consider marriage counseling to help you two get started talking about the issues.
Remember all relationships go through cycles of increased/decreased intimacy.
I hope you and your husband are able to enjoy this exciting and happy time and are able to welcome joyfully the birth of your baby.
2006-12-19 06:23:56 · answer #5 · answered by Bunni18 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you are feeling a little overwhelmed being pregnant and scared as well. It sounds like your husband is probably tired working as much as he does and he may also be worried about hurting you or the baby during sex. Ask him what is going on and give him a little time and space to get adjust to the family life he now has.
2006-12-19 06:18:42 · answer #6 · answered by Mystic 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Working 55 hours a week , yeah he is tired. You sound really emotional which is a part of being pregnant. Your hormones are raging and you need a little more special attention. Just let hime know how you are feeling but dont be needy it sounds like he is trying to do right by you.
2006-12-19 05:59:48 · answer #7 · answered by daprty1 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have the rest of your lives to have sex. 55 hour work weeks would make anyone tired. Give him a break. He's not fallen out of love with you, he's just genuinely tired.
Save lovemaking time for when you both feel good and want to make love.
All is well young one. Your marriage will be fine. Congratulations on your baby!
2006-12-19 05:58:25 · answer #8 · answered by Starla_C 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Please take this advise as a mans (my) opinion only; I was afraid I was going to hurt the baby or cause her to have a miscarriage. I know that it's incredibly safe to have sex but as a man I wanted to be careful. This could be a phobia of his so the next time you go to the doctors office for a check up and a check take him with you so the doctor can assure him it's ok. It sounds like he loves you a great deal so please take this into consideration. Do you know how to masturbate? Try it, it could take the edge off. Good luck to both of you and congratulations on your bun in the oven.
2006-12-19 06:41:14 · answer #9 · answered by beamer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's probably tired and a little stressed - new wife, new life, baby on the way, working like nuts....
He is having to grow up very very fast and this is stressful. Hopefully you can understand this and try to deal with it from that angle. This is an adjustment for both of you and it will pass.
2006-12-19 06:21:23 · answer #10 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋