How can I get my wife to open up sexually, she never gets feeling to do sex and she keeps avoiding me though we do have a kid of 4yrs, and we have been married since last 5 yrs?
2006-12-19 05:43:39 · 46 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Try talking to her and ask why she avoids you.
2006-12-19 05:45:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
romance her.
there are several ways to do this. the following i have been found to be very effective.
1. suprise her by doing some of her household chores without being asked. doing the dishes is a good one for this since it doesn't take that long but earns big points.
2. write her letters or email as if you were still courting her. basically you just need to butter her up and get her in a romantic frame of mind.
3. this one is very important: don't buy her things expecting sex in return, she is your wife not your whore.
4. try making a yes / no / maybe list with her. this is basically a list of all the sexual activities you can think of. both of you answer seperately as to whether or not you would want to try those activities. then you compare your answers to create a menu of sexual activities you would each like to try. at the very least this should get you talking about sex in a non accusatory or demanding way and you can use that to gain an understanding of what she is looking for in sex and what you can do to make sure she gets what she wants and therefore has something to look forward to in your sexual activities.
2006-12-19 06:10:19 · answer #2 · answered by jude D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may want to reflect on your approach to her and to sex. Are you in a big hurry? Do you take care of yourself in every way? Do you use alcohol or drugs? Are you selfish in your sexual behavior?
There could be a million reasons. Women are not sex machines. They are finely-tuned beings. It is easy to turn them off if things are not just right.
If you cannot think of what you are doing or not doing, Try the following:
Get a babysitter. Take her out to a nice restaurant and get a corner table. Make nice conversation with her as if you were dating her in the beginning. Slowly move back to the sex thing. It may take a while, like a month. Patience is a virtue here.
If this does not work, then talk to her about the issue.
If that does not work, get counseling.
Good luck.
2006-12-19 05:53:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its gonna take a little more work than this if your trying to find a way to make your spouse more open to your sexual urges.
You have to make her feel that way before you get any sort of opening up happening between you two.
Make the ambiance fit the evening ....get a babysitter and make a special dinner just for her. Buy her some nice lingerie and some wine or champagne and make the chocolates the good ones that she likes to much....some chocolate covered strawberries are a nice touch as well.
Make the whole experience enjoyable for the both of you and perhaps you'll be the one who will find that certain thing that gets her rockets blasting off with the use of very little gunpowder.
...............think about it and GET BUSY...............
2006-12-19 05:49:36 · answer #4 · answered by MsEagleTX 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps she has just decide to prioritize differently then you. Lots of women after they have children neglect their husbands. The children become the sole focus of their attention. And when it come to love making she could just be so tired she chooses sleep instead. There are just far to many reasons for her lack of sexual desire that a single response will no net you the answers you desire. But as a suggestion, arrange for a babysitter for the night. Take care of all the arrangements put no pressure or expectations on your wife. Book a Motel room out of town pack her bags for her and whisk her away for a stress free overnight love fest. She will be appreciative of your kindness and fore-thought that she will remember why she feel in love and perhaps spend a little more of her attention on you. Good Luck
K8
2006-12-19 05:50:44 · answer #5 · answered by k8eblue 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Women respond well to emotional attention. You have to do little things throughout the day to let her know you think she is wonderful. That will make her want to please you and turn her on as well.
Kiss her just to kiss her and not because you are wanting to have sex, tell her you'll do the dishes tonight, or make her dinner etc.
Ask her how her day went, and actually listen and respond to what she's saying about her day.
Stuff like that makes a women feel appreciated.
Trust me, its hard for women to get sexually excited for a man at night when he's been an a s s all day.
2006-12-19 05:50:19 · answer #6 · answered by Robyn 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think communication is going to be the answer here. I just went through the exact same thing with my boyfriend... I was in your position. It finally came to a head and i just flat out asked him why my advances were being dismissed and I let him know that it made me feel like crap. I really think you need to find time to sit down with her, after your child is asleep, and you have time to talk to her about it. She might not even think there's a problem... but if you bring it to her attention things will slowly progress. Let her know that you are concerned and ( this is such a woman thing to say) tell her how you feel. And ask her why she is responding to you that way. You might find that she's going through something that she's not communicating with you about. There is also a possibility that she's not happy with herself, either the way she looks or something more internal. It won't be solved overnight, but let me tell you it is a great start. It just really comes down to you both understanding what you want from each other. Good luck
2006-12-19 06:38:14 · answer #7 · answered by Greekangl1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First you get a babysitter with out her knowing. Then knock off work early and prepare the house with a romantic atmosphere...candles, rose pedals, a nice home cooked meal with LOTS of wine and her favorite music in the background. Don't be afraid of doing things that YOU find boring. The point is getting HER in the mood not you. Once the meal is done I suggest chocolate fondue with strawberries and feed them to her all the while teasing her lips with the strawberries and the occasional sensual kiss. Half way threw desert give her a deep, long passionate kiss. It will be unexpected but pleasing which will send her a little deeper in her state of euphoria. Then pick her up gently and whisk her away to the bed room were you TAKE YOUR SWEET TIME TO PLEASE HER FIRST. There you go, follow this and she will be putty in your hands.
2006-12-19 06:10:43 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do things that get her in the mood, find out what kind of porn she likes and have it playing when she comes in the room. always tell her how sexy she is looking but be specific like her legs are sexy etc. Buy her sexy stuff from Victoria secrets. Load the dishwasher, that always turns me on to see a man helping out around the house without being asked. Don't wait until she is exhausted do it during the day when the 4 year old is having a nap.
2006-12-19 05:50:51 · answer #9 · answered by Nikki w 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do you do for her to try to put her in the mood? Does she feel like you appreciate her for what she does for you and your child every day? Does she feel like she is the most important person in your life? Do you help out with the household chores so she isn't all worn out and tired and frustrated at the end of the day? Do you compliment the way she looks? Smile at her for no reason except that you're glad she's around? Do you tell her that she is desireable, or do you just start groping to try to get her to respond?
Do you make time for just the two of you to be together, like arranging for a baby sitter and taking her out someplace special just because you want to be with her? Do you tell her you love her, or is she supposed to just know you do?
Women need all the "little things" and we need them frequently if not constantly. If we feel like all you want us for is to satisfy your sexual needs it usually doesn't make us feel loved and appreciated. We don't necessarily need gifts, flowers, cards, etc (although those don't hurt occasionally), but we do need your undivided attention. I have a friend whose husband comes home, eats dinner, watches TV and plays video games, and then when it's about midnight and he turns off the lights and starts grabbing at his wife he can't understand why she isn't more responsive.
Think about her. Ask her what you can do to bring back the spark. Good luck.
2006-12-19 05:55:09 · answer #10 · answered by Lydia C 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get her f****ed up!! (Just Kidding)
Seriously though, I know exactly how your wife and you feel. Ya gotta help her remember why she fell in love with you and what attracted her to you in the first place. Only you know that answer.
Also, make sure to find out that she does still love you; and that is by just asking her. And if she says yes, which she probably will, then give her some excitement in her life. Do things differently and unexpectedly. Also, let her know you still got it. If she sees some other woman knowing this, then she will remember too!!!
2006-12-19 05:50:07 · answer #11 · answered by stephaniecbillon 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋