I dont have an overall problem with sex. I love it actually. BUT im not very good at initiating it. It's a turn on for my girlfriend whenver i do get a little more aggressvie and or just simply ask for it bluntly, but for sum reason this mkaes me uncomfortable! Why? And how can I make it easier to just relax & go for it when i want it?
2006-12-19 05:28:58 · 10 answers · asked by Raynebow_Diva 6 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
There's a persistent myth that those who love us will know what we want without being told. And let's face it, isn't it great when they do something sweet to us spontaneously?
But the truth is, in any relationship we need to ask for what we want. Caring and compassion are important, but they don't make people into mind-readers. It's up to us to ask for what we want.
Fortunately, this is something that gets easier over time. So how do you get over that initial fear of asking for sex? Is it just a matter of screwing up your courage, taking a deep breath, and asking? That's one way, but there are easier ones.
For starters, have a conversation with your partner about your discomfort in asking for sex. Tell her, in a quiet moment, how you feel. She'll probably (from what you've told us) reassure you that she enjoys it when you get more aggressive -- but you know that and it hasn't helped. So talk it over with her to find out what's making you uncomfortable. Most likely it's fear of rejection, a common concern for all kinds of couples. But whatever it is that's keeping you from asking for what you want, explore it with your partner -- it's likely to bring you closer together.
Next, you might try some role-playing. This can be a fun way to introduce new ideas and new energy into a couple, but in your case it can be a way for you to try out different ways of acting -- including asking for sex in a more aggressive or blunt manner -- inside the safe context of the role-play. Get the point? It's not YOU who is risking rejection -- your partner has already said okay, let's do some sexual role-play. So you KNOW you've been accepted -- it's time to go wild! You're pretending to be someone else, anyway, so your own identity isn't at risk here. Ask her in different ways -- or better yet, based on what you've said about her, TELL her what you're going to do to her.
And finally... try asking directly, even aggressively, as a way of stimulating her. She's told you it turns her on; have you never felt like putting aside your own wishes and concerns for the well-being of the one you love? Try thinking of it that way -- be assertive as a way of enhancing HER excitement, which will in turn improve things for YOU. That's the way to enrich and deepen the relationship between any couple.
All the best!
2006-12-19 05:52:56 · answer #1 · answered by Scott F 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just practice saying it, initiating it. You will feel more comfortable with practice. At first though you may feel uncomfortable or weird and you have to keep doing it anyway. Well, of course just do it when you are in the mood, but you have to be able to live with feeling a little awkward for a while. The more times you do it the more natural it will feel.
2006-12-19 05:34:26 · answer #2 · answered by braennvin2 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It seems like you are more of the "responsive" than the "aggressive" type. There's nothing wrong with you, it's just that some people are wired that way. But if you want it, you can be suggestive. Initiate lengthy kisses with tongue play and some private part caresses.
Maybe you and your girl are still new in the relationship, I know my girl wasn't too comfortable when we were in our early stages, it gets comfortable over time. Before you know it, she'll be waking up in the middle of the night with you lying on top of her... Ooops, sorry for my vulgarity... Good times. ;)
2006-12-19 05:49:26 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
hm well just tell ur gf how you feel about having sex with her =].
2006-12-19 05:30:44 · answer #4 · answered by mike 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Practice practice practice.....
*winks* practice makes perfect you know *smiles*
2006-12-19 05:32:17 · answer #5 · answered by Tegarst 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
true love make a different.
2006-12-19 09:54:48 · answer #6 · answered by melvinsyc 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
because your not aggressive, its plain and simple,
I'm the same way
2006-12-19 05:46:38 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I see a pic of a girl. Wait a minute, did you just say your girlfriend? How can you be a girl and sleep with a girl like you?
I'll answer your question any way: Only God can help you with your problem. Pray
2006-12-19 05:44:47 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 7⤋
Perhaps you need to learn how to spell first and then you can do some grown up things?
2006-12-19 06:08:15 · answer #9 · answered by New 4 Lulu 3 · 0⤊ 4⤋
Feel it and do it.
2006-12-19 09:39:16 · answer #10 · answered by throughthebackyards 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋