Ladias I need advice. My husband and I have been married for 5 and half years. Just recently about the ending of June we seperated for about 3 months during the 3 months he meet a girl. I gave him another chance and got back with him. He told me some details about the relationship but one question i kept asking was where they meet. He always said at a bar but i knew in my heart that they meet at work until yesterday i got it out of him he told me the truth he did meet her at work. We've been together for about 3 months now. I am so pissed. The girl no longer works there but what should i do? What i really want to know is if we should get divorced or should i make him get another job?
The girl now moved out of state but has family in our city and still talks to girls at work. Iam just worried that when she comes down that she might go visit him at work since she would go visit the co-works. PLEASE I need advice from both females and males.
2006-12-19 04:38:59 · 35 answers · asked by love 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My husband is willing to get another job and still work things out. So why do i still feel worry. I know that there is gonna be girls everywhere. I really want to make things work but Iam scared and i know its trust so how can i try to work things out without and still work on trust. I know it wouldnt be fair to either one of us to keep working on something that i know isnt gonna work anymore. How do you let go of someone you really love?
2006-12-19 06:40:17 · update #1
1. You obviously have no trust in him.
2. You have no self esteem worrying about him "talking" to girls.
3. You have control issues thinking you can "make him" get another job.
You should both be single until you both mature enough to have an adult relationship. Immaturity is no basis for a marriage.
2006-12-19 04:41:39 · answer #1 · answered by ~Gate~ 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
The problem is not WHERE he met her. The problem is that he betrayed you in the first place.
You decided to give him a chance and are now questioning your decision.
Do you know that she could find him anywhere? If he gets a new job do you think she can't go to visit him there? And what then? Do you make him get a third job?
You can't police him for the rest of his life. If it's not her, it could be someone else. You have to simply decide that you are giving him the chance that you said you would and keep your eyes open.
If you have to make him quit his job simply so that he won't go out with this person again then your relationship is not on solid ground anyways.
If it comes down to that then why not just chain him to the table for your own security.
BE CONFIDENT! If he does this again then he chooses to do it and he doesn't deserve you. Otherwise, just concentrate on your own life. And quit asking him about what has already been done. It will do you no good to dwell on it.
Good luck!
2006-12-19 04:47:27 · answer #2 · answered by mosaic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you and your husband should work this out but I will give you some advice maybe tell your husband that If he loves you only be friends with that girl and never see her again. If she comes by then tell him to just shut the door on her. I don't think you should get a divorce unless he doesn't love you anymore or if you don't love him anymore because I don't believe in divorce. My parents have been together for 17 years so don't worry If you get in fights. My mom once told me that If you don't get in fights then something is wrong with your relationship. They sometimes get in fights on purpose. So don't worry If you both love each other everything will fall in to place. Oh yeah tell your husband that you are pissed so that you can work it out.
Wishing you the best of luck,
Madelyn:)
P.S. hope I helped!
2006-12-19 04:50:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well there's a couple of things here...first of all, does it really matter where he met her? Two, do you trust him? He lied about how they met, but why? Is it because he knew you'd be upset about them meeting through work? Even so, did that give him the right to lie to you. If it were me, I'd be more more upset about the fact that he was dishonest rather than how they actually met.
Only you can decide if you want to stay married to him or not. Seems to me like you don't trust him. Honey, you can't have a real, solid relationship without trust - that's what it's all built on anyway. Me, I'm not gonna be with a guy I can't trust - period.
Search your heart..good luck, Lynn
2006-12-19 04:44:27 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Where he met her is really not the issue. The point is that he was unfaithful and you're having a hard time forgiving it (understandably so). If you decided to take him back, then I think you should both see a marriage counselor. These trust issues will not disappear from one day to another. You need someone to help you forgive and he also needs someone to keep him accountable for his actions. It's going to take a lot of effort on both your parts if you want this marriage to work and marriage counseling is vital.
I wouldn't be too concerned about this girl. It's your husbands decision to remain faithful and she can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do.
Get yourselves in counseling fast. Good luck!
2006-12-19 04:52:46 · answer #5 · answered by jazz_lover_25 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you shouldn`t get divorce, `cause that girl is no longer at his work even more she moved out to some place else, so talk to your husband and tell him how you feel about it.
The marriage is based on trust in each other, if you trust in him keep working on your marriage, but if the time passes by and you can`t be able to trust him you better get divorced, sometimes it is healthier than be together but unhappy.
Good Luck from Mexico
2006-12-19 04:49:21 · answer #6 · answered by oso 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok so you are married and you decided to split for 3 months. I don't get that your not boyfriend and girlfriend your husband and wife. In the split your husband decides to get a new girlfriend when he is not even divorced yet just SEPARATED from his wife. Now he and possibly you have made your relationship worse than it already was. It's time you both parted ways. If you had a good relationship to begin with you would not have separated for 3 months in a marriage.
2006-12-19 04:46:50 · answer #7 · answered by Venus 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just leave it alone she has stopped working there and has moved no big deal..... when you choose to take him back you also choose to forgive what happened in the past..... making him get a new job will accomplish nothing hun because more drama....
If you continue to live in the past the future will never work out.... talk to him about how you feel about this girl let it be known that how you feel.... and try to make a relationship you have picked to be in work..... don't take it out on your old man just because you are worried about this girl he has not made any advances to go see her or contact her seems he is over her and just wants you
2006-12-19 04:45:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It doesnt matter if he were to find another job,,if he broke the marriage vows once ,,he can do it again with someone else.To save the marriage &/or rekindle the trust,,you have to know why this happened & see if it can be repaired.You have to get to the root of the matter. Why does your husband find the need of another woman? There should really be no good enough reason because if there were a problem,,he should have come to you,,Id dump him.
2006-12-19 04:44:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you agree to take your husband back you must trust him. If there are any doubts in your mind about his ability to be loyal to you then your marriage is doomed. No one can live with someone who distrusts them, and nobody deserves to, no matter what they did. Nobody needs the agony you have planned for him, and I say that because you are doiing all of the thinking now. If you had reservations you should not have taken him back, it was unfair to you both.
You either jump back in with both feet or get out and let your husband find another life.
Good luck.
2006-12-19 04:45:32 · answer #10 · answered by Liligirl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋