My marriage I don't think is going to make it. Men and Woman advice welcomed?

Question

I have been married to the same man for 12 years. Our marriage like others has had it's ups and downs. But in the last 3 years it has been hell. I do try for my children, he says all I do is ***** I try to explain to him that what he is doing is not healthy for our children. All his friends children are grown, or they have nothing to do with them.
I have delt with lies, dranking, coming home when he wanted to. But i looked over all that and said that we got married for a reason so we can work it out, And so we did and for a year it was good. HE works construction and when he works he is gone alot. Now he is laid off and all I ask for him to do is spend time with his children they are 2-9 (girls). But he has been back to hanging with the guys who are drankers. Nice guys! but Drank a lot, He is back to dranking and driving again. Not spending time with the girls. Said that I made his life miserable. OUCH that hurt. I try to be understanding, and deal but it is hard.

My uncle was killed by a drunk driver. He works hard and gives to us. But I need more and so does my children, I want my kids raised where they are felt wanted. He seems to think that I just want things my why. That is not so. He goes hunting, we go out once a month with friends. But I can not do it every weekend. Again we have kids. For my birthday he was going to take me out, but instead his friend layed drunk while my husband helped fix his girl friends car. So again I was put aside. He says that I can come to him to his friends house, but i can not always get setters. And you know I do not like takem my kids to peoples homes to set and watch them drank. I am just ready to give up, sometimes i think that we are like water and oil. I do get mad and say things, but when my children are always asking if there dad is out dranking is he coming home, etc! This is not even half of what I have had to deal with anyone that has been there want to talk let me know.

Answer 1

file for a divorce and stop wasting time on a hopeless marriage really you woman kill me hanging on to what ??????

Answer 2

You are in a difficult place. Obviously, there are some serious problems going on with your husband. Well, since he feels that you have made his life miserable then give him what he wants freedom because he's not doing anything with the kids anyway and they probably won't notice the difference especially the younger ones. Because it's not good for the girls to see their father in a drunkard stupor all the time and obviously not happy the rest of the time and you stressed and anger most of the time. This will affect them the rest of the life especially how they will view men. So the need the opportunity to see a man in loving way and maybe if you leave him you will be able to find such a man that will be willing to grow up and face his problems instead of hiding behind a bottle. Because if he's feeling that bad eventually he might become physically abusive, he's already mentally and emotional abusive. So at least give yourself and him some space. Maybe in that time he will come to his senses or not then you know the next steps.

Answer 3

Not ever forget romanceDon’tunderestimate the power of a sweet word or a warm caress maintain the appreciate for every otherIfyou shouldn't have admiration for each and every different, matters won't work. Its takes time each of you are used to unique matters, different habits it is just the two of youKeep your marriage important points and problems for yourselves and don’t let men and women impact your marriage. Hold the stability between giving and takingLoveis all about giving, however mind you, this does not mean that one partyshould take advantage of the opposite; it can't mean never-ending giving fromone associate and never-ending taking from the other

Answer 4

Sounds like he has a drinking problem and there is nothing you can do for that, he has to want to get help for that, you can't beg, plead or ***** at him to stop. AA is a good program but it won't work if he doesnt want it. There are also meetings for you, Al-Anon for family members of alcoholics, and they are free. You could also go to counseling yourself, to figure out what you want to do about the relationship. Unfortunatly the construction industry is full of guys who get loaded after work, so he's probably not going to stop unless he gets some kind of ultimatum. You need support, from family, your mother, any sisters? It's hard to go through it alone, and you might have to divorce him. I know you want to stay together for the kids sake, but think about what you are teaching your daughters if you stay. The older one espicially is watching what you are doing and how you are with him, and she'll grow up and marry the same type of man. But, I know you feel like you're alone, and you're not. Get some help, you're not the only one with this problem, there are lots of people like you. Good luck!

Answer 5

The best way to mend a hurting relationship is communication. Tell him what your feelings are at an appropriate time when you're both of sound mind and not arguing. Have you tried marriage counseling? Does your husband even want to try to work things out. If he doesn't than you might try a trial separation to see if he can get his act together. Hopefully things will work out in the end but remember that even if you don't think it at first, it's for the better. Good luck!

Answer 6

Hi,
Wow... a real hard one. Marriage is very hard. It takes two people to work on it constantly. There is no such thing as a 50/50 %. There have been in my 23 yrs of marriage that I might give 60% and he give 40% or vice versa. When faced with problems in my marriage we had gone to counseling or church. Have you suggested going and getting professional help? There we have learned to argue fairly. By this I mean not screaming to the top of our lungs and by no means say things at that moment to say hurtful things. Not to withhold or withdraw from one another. I wish I could be of better assistance. I wish you the best.

Answer 7

I agree with worryed_2006. Get out before it's to late you are in an abusive relationship and you and the children are the one going ot get hurt. Do you want you girls to grow up and marry this way if you stay you are telling them this is how it must be a never ending cycle. You know there are support groups you are not alone. Just get out before it's to late for you or your children.

Answer 8

If he is miserable, then maybe it's time for a break. Let him feel what it's like not to have you. Alway remember and never forget: It takes two to make a marriage work, and no one deserves to be disrespected. Right now he is disrespecting you and your children. He has gotten himself in a rut and is obviously having a hard time getting out of it. Sometimes people have to hit rock bottom before they can learn to walk again. Best wishes.

Answer 9

A marriage takes two people to work on it. Drinking is never a good ingredient and it really is important for a father to spend time with kids. Sounds like you need to have a long heart to heart with him, and if that doesn't help you will have to decide if this is the kind of life you want.

Answer 10

You both need counseling. After so many years of marriage you grow apart. Women usually stay thinking that things will go back to the way it was in the beginning. It never does!!! Open your eyes and do right by yourself and your kids. If he doesn't straighten up then leave. You and your children deserve better.

Answer 11

It seems you have gone through alot already to try and make your marriage work, he doesn't seem to be changing his ways so maybe it is time to call it a day. It won't be doing your children any good seeing your husband like this. Also if you do leave him he may realize that he needs to change and that his FAMILY is the most important thing. Good luck.