Will I have to pay back child support?

Question

My Wife and I divorced nearly 20 years ago. Our kids are grown and married now, but didn't live with either of us since they where 16. I didn't realize this for years later. I didn't have a great relationship with my children thanks to the mother, we lived states apart and I wasn't going to force them to visit me. I would drive 500 miles to get them and they slowly one by one stopped coming for summer visits to please her. I did send money every month, but I sent a money order and did not go through the court system, not only did I send money but I also purchased thngs they needed or wanted. I was there when they called on me and left them alone when they didn't. Basically they used me. Now the mother is sueing me for back child support through a place called support collectors who informs me that the money I sent in the form of a money order all those years is not a valid child support payment that is would be considered a gift. And they will get 30% of anything collected.

Answer 1

Sounds like you need to get a good lawyer, If you can't prove the money orders, which were fine, hopefully you still have the receipts or proofs of purchase, then you better get ready to pay up! Yikes get a good lawyer as soon as possible.

Answer 2

I'm just wondering if there was a court order for child support. If there was a court order then it would need to go through the child support system. If there wasn't a court order then your money, in fact, was a gift and she has no need to be suing you. You definatly need to get a lawyer and see if you can find the stubs to the money orders and possibly receipts. I know you said you don't get along well with the children because of their mother but is there a way that they would testify that you did send money. If they didn't live with you or their mother, I don't think you would need to pay child support anyway, at least not to their mother. You may possibly need to send back support to the people your children lived with but I am not sure on that. I am so sorry that your ex-wife is an evil enough woman to turn your own children against you and I know it must have been heartbreaking for you. I also think you were right for not making them visit but I am truly sorry for your ex-wife's terrible behavior. Tell your lawyer that the children didn't live with either of you and I think that might possibly clear this whole mess up. Good Luck to you and you will be in my prayers.

Answer 3

It is possible. Not really likely since the children are now adult. Either way you will need to hire a good family lawyer. I don't know in which state you reside, so specifc information is not possible. These types of companies often prey on those who can not afford a good defense. I would at the very least, go through old bank statements and try to track any old payments, if you even still have that information. Oh, and the court does not consider that a gift, especially given the circumstances. Lots of parents used to take care of child support outside of the court system and still do. In addition, if there was never a court order, there is no grounds for the suit at this late date.

Contact your local bar association to locate your legal aid society. They usually have free hotlines to help with simple questions. You may not qualify for a free attorney but they can at least help you with answering law questions.

Here's a link to help you locate some free legal advice: http://www.lsc.gov/

(I work in litigation)

Answer 4

i would contact an attorney about this,,,,,, was there at the time a court ordered child support?? she would need that,,,,, and the court to have a record that you were in arrears, before she could turn it over to a child support collector (which is a private company) dont send any money now,,,,,, while you dont have copies of the money orders,,,, unless she filed charges years ago, she also wouldnt have a record of you not paying,,,,,, and if you hadnt paid, and it was done threw the court, they would of garnished wages a long time ago,,,

another factor, how old are your children,? you say they havent lived with either one of you since age 16? there may even be a statue of limitations on this, not sure though

so contact an attorney, most of them offer a free initial consultation,,,,, also check in the phone book or with the court for legal aid,,,, (based on your income) something sounds very fishy here,,,,,

i received child support from my ex for 15 years, was in the courts alot, read alot, and i have never heard of this,,,,, and i know in many cases those support collectors can be full of it, if its a legitimate claim, the state will help collect it,,,,,

Answer 5

This happened to my father ..After 16 years of divorce he had 6 months to cough up 20,000$ and another 10,000 6 months later or face jail time.my father did the same gave me pocket change or a pair of shoes but he was truly too poor to pay anything after my mom took the house his car and tried to even slap molestation charges as was common in the early 80's . Fortunately after 16 years my father started a small business and had some cash flowing in and she got him again for everything.
I was always close with my dad so I had no bad feelings about him not paying all those years but the courts look at the facts and evidence so unfortunately you are in for a pocket cleaning unless you have saved every receipt from those money orders and they were paid every month and in a sufficient ammount the judge if you are lucky will compare it to the ammount she is suing you for and deduct it. If you have sufficient evidence that you made a good effort then he will take that into consideration but most likely you will still have something to pay.

Answer 6

That would depend if you had a court order for child support. If so, yes she can sue you but the money orders should be valid if you have proof. I would consult an attorney, I'm not sure what the statute of limitations is in your area.
I wouldn't worry too much about "Support Collectors" I used them to get child support from my ex. They worked for 6 whole months, and collected about $300 if fees and closed my case because he wouldn't call them back. Not a lot of help if it actually requires them to work!

Answer 7

What do your divorce papers specificy? Surely there were provisions set forth for the children. That would be the basis, plus any further legal actions taken by your ex after that, for support collectors to go into action. Just helter skelter undocumented support payments? When you fathered these children you took on a responsibility that you have never fully accepted / understood. Surely there were visitation rights set up that you could have worked with. The distance, the waiting for them to initiate, the sporadic nature of any interaction....created the rift between you and your children. If you really cared about them/felt responsibility for them - you would have arranged your life around them despite their mother's influence. The bitterness between you two and the conditions these children lived under drove them away - You need to collect any documentation you have, any witness statements, etc and get an attorney. There is no easy way out. This will follow you until you get legal resolution. You will probably have to pay up. You didn't even know that they haven't been home since they were 16 - only finding that out because of the money..... Where are the children now? Suggest you have your lawyer work towards main repayment going to an education, etc type fund to those children. The money you saved not fighting to be part of those childrens lives - you have to spend now. Cheap - you carried on with your life and took care of you all these years. Crying now for what YOU lost and suffered... Look at what your children lost. It took 2 of you to create them....Blame game won't save any of you or give any satisfaction.

Have to add after reading some of the others. Too poor is no excuse. I know a father of four that has legally fought his ex to a standstill. Both are losing everything they had to attorney's fees. The children are safe, loved and receive counseling, which he requested from the court. He works two jobs and is paying the bulk for the kids and spends every moment he can with those kids. He turned down a fabulous job 200 miles away....His only focus is those kids. That is his total life til they are on their own. He has lots of support from friends, community, church.... He never blames the ex - realizes he married a girl with too many issues - he never runs her down. He is still sad about losing his wife and the mother of his children but carries on with a positve attitude. She is all about the money, not him - the courts are seeing that. Forgive me for writing so strongly - but the children, all of our future- the legacy we leave behind, is what should be the main point to any discussion of this nature.

What goes around, comes around. For everyone concerned.

Answer 8

The only way for you to even attempt to fight this is to provide copies of the money orders (I know, impossible). How old are the children NOW? There is a statute of limitations when it comes to child support matters. You may want to check your state's local statute but most of them are 5 years AFTER the child's 18th birthday. Call an attorney-they give free consults usually.

Answer 9

You have it right. The cash money and items you bought for your children are considered gifts. You will have to pay back child support. It is also possible to sue her for alienation of their affection. Be happy that you were able to directly give them your cash gifts and that you bought items that they needed. At least you knew these items were going directly to them. Set up a payment plan for the child support or make a lump sum settlement (I bet you can negotiate the total) Be happy she looses 30%. Unfortunately your story is more the norm. An ex wife is the word B-I-T-C-H personified. Why they think the children are their personal possessions I will never know.

Answer 10

Who is sueing, your ex wife or the person who brought them up.
Did this person have full custody and were papers signed??
What did the divorce papers say? Were there stipulations about support????
Who did you send the money orders to?
Talk to the lawyer who did the divorce , get a copy of the papers and talk to him before you start worrying....