How is this poem...............................?

Question

I wanna know what you think of it and what you understand from it.

A flurry of colours
careened my senses
A lily among the roses
seized my eyes
Pleasantly awoken
Into an alluring fantasy of
cerulean clear and deep
tranquil and serene,
By morning rays
in elusive enamor
of submissive beauty
clearing skies of
clouding thoughts
penetrating staring eyes
Immersed in pristine
radiance so pure
as a crystal
Its peaceful presence
with elating elegance
bears gentle charm
A mind melting spring
of calm sincerity
lured my exquisite gaze
deeper into this
transcient heaven
as the portrait
delicately glides
gracefully away
beyond its frame
a feather among swans
the colour fades
but an image lingers
as an eternal memory
remnant in my ebb
to subtle sleep.

Well,during a really boring English period, a group of girls passed by the window. Out of them, one caught my attention. Before her beauty reached my heart, she was gone, out of my view.

Answer 1

It's like an impressionistic painting to me, and I'm not one for the impressionists, frankly. When someone is "impressionistic" to me, that means that they are being vague or unclear. It seems to me that many (sometimes delicately beautiful) phrases here were just slapped together for no other reason than it just "sounded good", without regard for meaning (elusive enamor/ submissive beauty?).

I agree with an above poster who stated that the poem may be referring to the vision of a beautiful person, perhaps in a dream, and you are seeing this person as a painting rather than as an actual person.

I also agree with many pundits that poetry is, indeed, poetry because it is open for interpretation; but I think that many novice poets misconstrue the reason for which the ambiguity must exist in a poem in order for it to breathe. In other words, a person shouldn't write a poem and then stand back and ask others "what do you think it means?" Poems are poems, not guessing games. If the poet is skilled enough, the poet will set out to write a *poem* that can be interpreted on many levels in lieu of constructing a word-puzzle.

As far as your vocabulary goes, I don't see the "big words" that others are referring to. I see many instances, though, whereupon words seemed to have been juxtaposed willy-nilly. I'll use the example of "my exquisite gaze".. are you sure that it is, in fact, your gaze that is exquisite- or is the item you are looking at exquisite?

Quite a few cliches.

Imagery is thrown together in a baffling way. Pick one or two items to focus on, and compare each of those items to only one or two other "things". In the poem above, everything is either being symbolized or compared/ contrasted to everything else, and this causes the poem to lack focus. Use symbolism and comparison/contrasts sparingly to be more effective.

Keep reading & keep writing. Good luck.

Answer 2

This is a really bad poem! The person seems to have no idea that his/her grammar and punctuation is bad and also that many of the words are used incorrectly. Also, the reference is not always clear (for instance, what is the feather among swans? Is it the portrait or is the frame?) Also, "ebb" has been used as a noun instead of a verb without explaining what type of ebb it is. I could go on forever. It seems as though a young teen is trying to write a decent poem about his/her romantic feelings. However, the person has failed miserably. However, it is entirely possible that the person may become a better poet if he/she reads some decent love poetry and tries to emulate it very precisely.

Answer 3

I see this as someone awakening from sleep to see a favorite painting on the wall that somehow speaks to them and becomes real.

I find the short lines distracting and some of the words deter from the softness I think the author was trying to achieve...reading the poem aloud it is clear some areas need rewriting to keep the flow intact. Sometimes the alliteration works (ie. "peaceful presence) but others it seems awkward (ie. "elating elegance").

I think there is a wealth of imagery that is sometimes confusing to the reader.

I think it has potential to be a good poem. You just need to step back and review it and you'll see the areas that need attention.

Answer 4

I think it was really nice. Some lines are kind of cliche like pure as crystal, but those can't be avoided, and it still works finely. I think the lily represents something different in a group of homogeneous roses, like a different person in a group of people. It is beautiful. It is like the fading light that closes a day, only to open another one.

Answer 5

It is a good poem but i got confused in the words like i dont know what some of them mean they are like too big like you should se smaller words thta mean a lot that are like bigger but we still would understand them!

Answer 6

Nice...too many "big" words. Your ideas get lost in trying to figure out their meaning.

I think it's about briefly seeing a beautiful person...right?

Answer 7

I really liked it! I think it's pretty, and your words paint a picture for the reader to see!

Answer 8

It's whimsical. :) Reminds me of a Waterhouse painting.

Answer 9

mundane, a lot of cliche words, boring