My girlfriend had sex with her ex, but refuses to have sex with me?

Question

We've been dating for almost a year now, and each time we have a "romance night" and its leading to sex, she'd pull back and if i ask she would say she wants to wait till she gets married.
Whatch y'all think?
What should I do?

Answer 1

I can't fathom a relationship where a girl will do IT until some point in time where (assuming here) she realizes guys she's met just want sex, then completely spurn a guy she thinks is great. Somewhere along the line I'd tell her to wake up- a guy doesn't wait a year for sex if that's what he wants. He gets it or he doesn't and moves on. what makes a relationship CLICK is how well the 2 people get along and respect each other's ambitions in life. If a guy has been going golfing 3 days a week for 10 years and has all the trophies to prove it, a girl can't expect to change that after they've met. Whatever her hangup is, she needs to look back and realize she and whomever just didn't "fit". Given that, she's either in denial about that, or she has a physical problem she's avoiding telling you. That's my opinion- hope it works out for you!

Answer 2

I could tell you a bunch of feel good solutions that would not improve your situation with this girl.
Sad but true answer: this girl is not attracted to you. A few months is ok for a very reserved girl to wait on sex but, anything more than that, and chances are she's talking bull.
Sex is 90% of a relationship when it's bad or does NOT happen and more like 30% when it's good...just like, say, being to work on time is a huge deal if it doesn't happen much at all and a much smaller deal when it happens most of the time.
Dare I admit, look at the ex this girl dated. This ex might have actually treated the girl quite badly, but she still put up with it, for example. Or been in much better shape than you and/or much more assertive and surprising (often cocky and funny).
Sadly, some girls will label guys by facial looks, and if you don't have a protruding jawline, strong looking build (regardless of your health), and a manly looking aura...they use that as a precursor and way to determine how strong and experienced a person is.
So she might just label you thinking "ok this is the guy I marry who supports me while I have sex with someone who has more of a backbone".
The best remedy for this is simple, two things:
A) you make the dates with her into things you like/need to do anyhow (golf, going to sports bars, whatever) a bit more than half of the time. Don't not consider her just make it obvious you are the dominant one in the relationship and she will never have to take the position of being your mother and leading you.
B) Get into better physical shape than her (and prefferably better shape then her ex). If she brings up the marriage excuse say "Why are you supposedly so self-entitled over me, look at me look at my body, if we did the deed you'd better believe I can give it as hard and good as you can take it."

I think you should tell this girl you want to do something adventurous, like making out in a (fairly safe) park at night or even rolling half nude on a hidden part of a beach...just something youthful a boring "provider" would not do. And if she says "no" then say something like "If you want to live like a crone that badly maybe we should not be dating, you know I'm loyal but you should also know I am an exciting person you'd better believe I want and deserve an exciting girlfriend."

I she won't step up, simply end the relationship. It's not healthy for either of you...even if she really DOES believe in sex after marriage the point is you guys aren't sexually compatible when she has that attitude and, let's face it, women who don't get good sex from their mates are generally VERY unhappy and often resort to verbal abuse, taking money, cheating...to make up for the fact they aren't getting the sex they need. Trust me, you don't ever want to let a woman do that to you.

Shmuel Boteach is a Rabbai (AKA Jewish priest) and he writes books called "Kosher Adultery" and "Kosher Sex" that describe why the patterns I say above are true, using unmodified, in context biblical references (I couldn't believe it either until I read them). I'd highly recommend using those books to help you.

Best luck man, I know it's a bear but you can push through it.