A friend of mines wife cheated on him. Although she says there was no intercourse just kissing and fondling she regretted it and after talking to him decided it was a mistake and wanted to stay in her marriage. My friend says to her " you have to prove yourself to me now." Was this fair of him?
2006-12-19 02:33:35 · 30 answers · asked by M.D. 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No, it wasn't fair of him. He is being manipulative now. He has something on her and he is using it for personal gain.
If you are going to forgive you have to forgive completely. There can be no conditions on it. Which is what he is doing.
Besides, it takes two to tango. Why did it even happen? Obviously your friend isn't fulfilling some need this other person did, and I'm not talking physically. For her to get this close to someone that something like that could even happen, means your friend was holding the door open for her.
If he was doing his part in maintaining a happy, healthy relationship than this would have never happened. He is not without blame in this situation.
Everything is a cause and effect. Her actions may have been wrong, but it was not random. He did something to cause it to happen.
With that kind of attitude she may "prove" herself to him... but she'll resent him for the rest of her life and that may lead her to someone she doesn't resent for being a manipulative jerk.
2006-12-19 08:07:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 3⤋
I don't know if this will help, but there is a good book out that I think if your friend and wife read may help to strengthen and cheat proof the marriage. The book is "his needs Her needs" I forget the author, but this is a very good book. Your friend needs to understand that yes his wife did betray everything they had in their relationship, but she is only human and anyone can make that mistake. Mamal instincts have us caught in the moment and we do stupid things. If this was a very hot women and you were in that position would you also make the mistake. Don't get me wrong the wife is totally in the blame, but he must share a small percentage because she was looking for something that was not full filling her needs in the marriage. It was probly false emotions that led her to this. What I mean is maybe she was not getting the attention and affection at home that she needed and this guy comes along and starts showing interest and she builds false feelings for this other man because he is giving her what she needs from her husband. They probly got talking about your relationship him acting as a friend to talk to. First rule neither of them should have friends of the opposite sex and never talk about their relationships to members of the opposite sex. They can have acquintances, but not good friends it places too much temptation for them. There are also men and women out there that pray on married couples and get off on destroying marriages. I wish your friend and his wife the best of luck in what ever they decide. I know he will be tormenting himself for months. People can forgive, but we must never forget.
2006-12-19 03:51:11 · answer #2 · answered by allives 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes. She hurt him, hurt the very foundation of a relationship and that is trust. She has to understand the hurt she has caused. It's not easy for a person to confront the fact that they truly hurt another. She has to let him go through all the emotions that he will be going through and be there for him 100%. If she's not he should move on. It's not going to be an easy road for them suggest marriage counselling.
2006-12-19 02:46:50 · answer #3 · answered by 10 pts for me? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, this is totally their decision and no one elses. What I think she did was very terrible and un-exceptable, but she is human and should be forgiven in my books. Does not mean it is ok for what she did, and I do believe she has some proving to do.
2006-12-19 02:45:13 · answer #4 · answered by Fergy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course it was fair of him! She betrayed his trust. Once trust is broken, it is not easily mended. His wife should make every effort to reassure her husband, and she should take whatever steps she has to take to make up for the stupid mistake she made.
2006-12-19 02:35:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely. Let's *assume* for a minute that she's telling the truth, which is . . . questionable, to say the least, because she has every reason to lie.
But even so, everyone knows "the line" between simple flirting (heck, even married guys/gals enjoy knowing that they're still appreciated by an attractive member of the opposite sex), and she definitely crossed it. The betrayal, the breach of trust, is what counts, not "how far she went."
2006-12-19 02:38:39 · answer #6 · answered by Humberto 3 · 3⤊ 2⤋
The ball is in his court. He can make whatever demands he wants or dissolve the marriage.
She doesn't have to meet the demands unless she wants to stay married.
2006-12-19 02:53:06 · answer #7 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it matters about him or what he said, he isn't the one that crossed the line. She broke their trust big time even without intercourse, she should have to prove herself again, however its always going to be in the back of his mind she felt the need to do that.
2006-12-19 02:37:41 · answer #8 · answered by Melissa C 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
It is an issue between him and her and you need to stay out of the situation, other than telling your friend you are there to listen to him.
2006-12-19 02:40:59 · answer #9 · answered by bottleblondemama 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First what does she have to prove and second if nothing happened it was not cheating, and she was honest about it that was major. Sounds like he is just trying to keep something hanging over her head, and if he was doing his job she would have never kissed another guy...duh. It was not right true but she did not lie to her husband and that means she is trying to be open and honest with him, and he needs to sit back and ask himself what hes not doing to keep his wife happy.
2006-12-19 02:43:49 · answer #10 · answered by ncgirl 1 · 0⤊ 3⤋