Re: Step Son?

Question

My Step son is 15 yrs old- I just found out he had sex for the first time and the girlfriend was freaking out thinking she was pregnant- he said he used a condom... Asked me to get some more for him.. The problem is - his dad doesn't know that he is having sex- and his son doesnt want to tell him because he thinks he will freak out and make him quit seeing the girl. The reason he thinks this is because his dad is scared to death that he will end up getting a girl pregnant and be a teen father like he was.. so what do i do? Do i tell my husband and break my step-sons trust or do i keep it from my husband and feel like i am being deceptive ? and what if she does come up pregnant and then it comes out that i knew all along that they were having sex ? HELP

Answer 1

It sounds like your stepson trusts you and feels safe talking to you, which is good. Talk to him. Tell him you (that is, the two of you) cannot keep this information from his dad. Encourage him to tell his dad himself. Offer to be there during the conversation if he wants you there. The main thing is, you have got to get out of the middle and develop honest, healthy communication all the way around. What is happening here is a communication pattern called triangulation, and it is unhealthy. God bless you and give you wisdom.

Answer 2

Well, do you want to keep the secret and wait until your step son does get the girl pregnant at age 15? And then when your husband finds out you knew all along and could have prevented it from happening.... How happy do you think he'll be then? Tell your husband what's going on, your step son may not like it now but in the long run he'll more than likely thank you.

Answer 3

I'm glad your step-son came to you to let you know what was going on. I know you want to keep your step sons trust. But you need to sit with him and tell him he needs to speak with his father about it. I know he shouldn't be having sex at a young age, but at least he's not sneaking around keeping you in the dark. A father to son will be good for him, he needs to do that. Yeah, dad may want him to take a break from the girlfriend, but it's better for dad to know before something does happen and the girl gets pregnant.

Answer 4

Your loyalty has to lie with your husband on this one, not your step-son. Explain to your step-son that this is something that he should not be doing in the first place and this is not the type of thing you can cover up for him-especially since it sounds like he intends to keep on doing it.

When I talk to my 17 year old about premarital sex I tell him there are 4 reasons why he needs to abstain and pregnancy is not not even number one on the list of why not to do it---here's my list--use it as best you can if you like.

4) Pregnancy--he's not even a grown up yet--does he really want to be?
3) He's not emotionally ready--he's gonna have to take your word on this one
2) STD's--especially HIV and AIDS--sex can kill you.
1) What if the girl gets mad or even scared and then tries say he raped her? College is gone, he's looking at going to jail and his life, as he knows it, is over-al la Kobe Bryant. We all know Kobe didn't rape that girl, but guess what, it cost him a McDonald's endorsement, almost cost him his wife and it costs him thousands in legal fees.

Your son is gonna be mad at you, but guess what, he'll get over it. You don't need to create serious trust issues with your husband and you'll be protecting your son by telling the dad. You are not helping the son by keeping this to your self.

Good luck!

Answer 5

It is an offense to be having sex with girls who are minor (below 16)

If i'm in your shoe...

I would have a talk with the step son, telling him why it is not right to be having sex at his age, he shld be looking to fulfil his duty and focus on his education etc. (i think u know what i'm trying to say.. )

At the same time, I think I will and shld let him know that I will be talking to his dad about his action & requests. It is not right for you to act without your husband's knowledge. It would not do good to your marriage if he were to find out.

Also, I will do the followings:
Thank him for confiding in you.
Encourage him to tell his dad on his own, else, upon a agreed deadline, you will step in and tell.
Telling the stepson that you will HAVE to tell his dad, does not equate to "break" his trust in you.

I know you will be feeling like being sandwiched. but this is a serious matter and your hubby have a right to know.

Answer 6

He has to tell dad. And if he won't, then you do it. Its not fair to put you in this position. He might be scared of dad's reaction to his having sex but dad's reaction will be a lot worse if the girl gets pregnant. And direct son to local planned parenthood centre, so he can get his own condoms...

Answer 7

I think a family meeting is in order. I would not try to keep this from his father. I say if he's responsible enough to have sex and deal with the consequences, let him get a job and buy his own condoms.

Answer 8

Tell the step-son to talk to his Dad. Dont get in the middle, because you will be the one that ends up being wrong.

Answer 9

Well this is a tough one. From my standpoint you will lose either way but honesty is the best. Just tell your stepson that you must tell his father because you are his wife and don't want to hurt either one but he is his father and just assure him that you will mediate between them and help them work through it as a family. I will keep you all in my prayers and please talk to your stepson about abstaining from sex until a later date when he is ready to be a father. The risk is just to high.

Answer 10

I would have the son tell his father, and make sure you tell the son if he doesnt tell his father that you will. hes 15 he shouldnt be having sex. he should be more worried about school .