please help... having trouble dealing with loss of baby!!!!!?

Question

Four days ago I had an abortion, not through choices of my own.....
I have a rare blood disease which endangers my life if i'm pregnant and i'm not allowed to take any contraceptives because my blood clots very easily..... i am 24, my boyfriend and I can only use condoms..... Since the termination i've felt like i've lost a part of my self and that i've darkened my sole by not being able to give my baby any sort of chance at life... I was nearly 4 mnths pregnant and I just feel so sad all the time..... It feels as though i already had a baby and now he's gone.... I feel so alone, just four days ago I had life growing inside of me and now i am empty.. I've tried talking to a councellor but this doesn't seem to help me any..... Can anybody please give me any advice on how i can pick myself back up and deal with the loss of my baby????
please help me i don't know what to do or who to turn to, my boyfriend doesn't understand very well what i'm going through... he does try....

Answer 1

My heart goes out to you. I too have felt the pain of an abortion and of a miscarriage. When I had the abortion, I was only 15 years old and was forced by my parents to do so...I was not really aware of my rights at the time. I had a lot of regret and anger about the whole situation. To be honest, it took me a couple of years to really get past the pain. It also drove a huge wedge between myself and my mother. That was 15 years ago.
Then just this past December, I miscarried triplets at 16 weeks gestation. The pain felt much like the pain form the abortion only this time, I was old enough to understand and the fact that it was completely out of my control made it so much worse. Dealing with the loss of a child, wether it be abortion, miscarriage, still birth or really any time....can be very difficult. It is good that you are talking to a counselor, but don't expect the pain to go away anytime soon. I know that it is hard right now, but you need to try and focus on the future and on taking care of yourself. I also know that it is difficult for your boyfriend to truly understand the pain that you are feeling. Trust me..he is feeling it too, but it doesn't mean the same to him. He is dealing with the loss of something that he could not see or feel and for whatever reason makes this much easier for men. You on the other hand really have lost a part of yourself. There are many books available on this topic, and that may help you. After I had my miscarriage, I read a lot. There is one little tiny book called Empty Cradle, Full Heart. Find it if you can. It is full of little excerpts fro real people about the pain that they are feeling from the loss of a baby....this one helped me out alot.
In the meantime, just tlet your boyfriend know that the best thing he can do for you is to let you cry, and just hold you while you do. Crying is a great release of emotion.
You can contact me personally if you would like to talk.
Good luck and my thoughts are with you.

Answer 2

I also have a blood disease called Antiphophilipid Syndrome I am 20 weeks pregnant I have to give myself heparin shots twice a day because my blood clots very quickly I have given birth to 4 babies 3 living 1 stillborn and I have had 2 ectopic pregnancies I guess I can tell you that it's not easy I lost my baby at 35 weeks 6 days but I never knew until a few weeks ago that I had this disease if I had known I would never have kept going through this to find out your baby might not live no matter what you do is scary I'd say atleast you didn't go all the way to the end to walk out the hospital with empty arms but that's not very conforting grieve your loss you should it will get better sometimes but then you'll feel it all over again but it does get easier to deal with it I'd see if there is any medications you can take like me to help with the succession of the outcome of pregnancy.Sorry about your loss and good luck to you.

Answer 3

I've got the same blood disorder, they weren't able to give you any medications? I am taking a low dose of heprin called "Loveonx" This does not pass to the baby. Its taken as an injection in the belly. The doctor described it as a "Penasilin shot" It is not taken orally and is not injected into vein, there for the baby is safe. I do understand what you are going through b/c of this blood disorder I had 2 stillborns. It hurts and the only way to really deal with it is to, talk to those who have been there, and go to support groups, not just a one on one session with a counselor. Your B/f will not and cannot understand b/c he wasn;t the one carrying the baby. My ex-husband wasn't understanding at all, Hence the reason is now an ex. I am 24 now I lost my first at when i was 19 at 6 Months, and my second when I was 20 at 8 months. No one is going to be able to tell you they know how you feel, But some of us can relate. Be strong do your research so when you are ready to try again you will have all your information and can be started on the right form of medications. Good Luck and so Sorry.

Answer 4

mmm, I hurt for you.
Please know how sorry I am for YOUR loss.
You LOVED the baby from the instant you "knew" it was there didn't you?
On the medical side of the question... your hormones are crashing. After four months of happy hormones your loss causes and abrupt halt and reverses to a crash landing of mood. THIS effect on the body MAGNIFIES an already HORRIBLE situation. Please KNOW that in a week, your hormones will level off. YOU will still feel LOSS, but you will be able to GRIEVE better.
In the mean time...
PLEASE write your baby a letter telling her how much you love her, tell her . Also, buy an ANGEL ornament for your tree as a remembrance. Further more, if you have ANY keepsakes from this pregnancy then you can put them in a box with your letter to the baby and tie it with a bow. Put it in a drawer where you can take it out and hold it when you need to.
Men can NOT know, as we women are made to be the caregivers and comforters for others. Don't make his life harder by yelling at him about "not caring". He cares, he is just out of his element right now.

Answer 5

Wait A minute you should of seen a high risk ob/gyn I have a blood issue to that sounds just like yours I am 16 weeks preganat and doing just fine I am on ijectable blood thinners to make sure that my blood doesnt clot!! Did the doctor recomend the abortion or were you scared about endangering your life? I have had 2 kids and they have both turned out fine. And if your condition is so bad that you will have to have an abortion you should talk to an ob gyn about getting your tubes tied so that you dont have to experience this kind of loss every again... What is you blood disease called..

Answer 6

So sorry to hear about your loss. When I was 20, I had a miscarriage and had a very hard time accepting it. Two weeks following, my boyfriend got me a puppy. I know it sounds childish, but it helped me raise my spirits and it gave me something to take care of. The puppy really helped me get through a rough time.
Please don't feel as if you have darkened your soul. You did the right thing by not endangering your own life.

Answer 7

I'm really sorry you had to go thriugh this experience and I'm sure no words will help ease the pain. Just give it time, cry if you feel like it, pray a lot, ask God to give you the necessary strenght in your soul to keep going. Just understand that your life was in danger and that sometimes things just don't work out the way they are supossed to. Is this disease treatable? maybe sometime ahead you can have a baby. As far as your boyfriend goes, just ask him to be there for you to hear you and hug you...I don't think he'll understand excatly what you are feeling, but he's your partner and I guess your best friend , so just be together and make this hard time a experience to make your relationship stronger. You know, sometimes babies are so perfect God needs them to be angels in heaven. Good luck honey.

Answer 8

First off being in trouble twice with the law usually indicates a problem on his part. At the very least he needs to be more careful. You should seek a public defendant. If you meet the requirements,doesn't take long, you can get one for free. Some lawyers offer free advice I suggest contacting them in your area. You need the explain to them the story and give facts and details. Try not to let emotions get involved when talking the them. Write the notes and what you want to say down before hand.

Answer 9

I don't know what to tell you about the loss of the baby, that is very hard to get over. You may want to consider have a memorial put up somewhere.

However, have you considered getting your tubes tied? They can do it by going up through the cervix so they wouldn't even have to cut your, it can't possibly be more invasive or dangerous than having an abortion.

Answer 10

I am so, so sorry for your loss. It is very normal. It is ok to grieve. I do have a suggestion. I counsel at a pregnancy help clinic. I do not know what area you live in, but most cities have them. Call one up and they have a great healing course for those who have emotional feelings about abortion. I do not know what kind of counselor you talked to, but you need to find someone who understands. Pregnancy help clinic have people who have experienced abortions and have found peace and forgiveness through God.