Mu husband is driving me crazy lately. He can never compromise with me. Im 18 weeks pregnant and all im asking is for him to go to the Docotors visit with me. Is that too much to ask? NO! He just said that he would rather go to work to make money. But all I asked was for 3 hours of his day. I feel like Im doing this pregnancy all by myself. The least he can do is support me and go to the doctors with me. He has only been once. It makes me so mad. And another thing, Why are men so worried about their egos? They always have to be right and can never say that they are sorry when they are in the wrong? My husband does it all the time and it drives me crazy!! I don't know what to do anymore. Any advice???
2006-12-19 01:15:34 · 29 answers · asked by I love my kids! 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
sounds to me like you may have more problems than him not going to the doctor with you. He sounds as if he may be a little self centered, and maybe a little insecure of his manhood. he should be there for you always during the pregnancy. wanting to make is smart, but somethings should come first. ya'll really need to sit down and have a talk about why he really doesn't want to go to the doctor.
2006-12-19 01:19:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
first off, remember that you have hormones raging through your body, so every emotion that you feel is exaggerated. i know when i was pregnant, i was sooo emotional, it was ridiculous. second, i hate to say this, i may have some women mad at me, but i don't think a husband has to go to every doctor appt. now, it's true, he got you pregnant in the first place, but most men are very squeamish about this stuf, and i don't blame them. i wouldn't want to be there if he had a vasectomy, holding his hand! But there has to be a compromise. Maybe explain to him that it's important to you to have him come to some of the appts, and tell him you understand he needs to go to work and earn money. (That is one of the biggest worries he has right now, by the way. you are all excited about picking out baby clothes and wallpaper, and he's thinking "Crap! i've got to pay for all this!" Think of that pressure!) you need to pick a few appts that are a big deal to you (like the ultrasound, etc), and then ask him if he could come to those appts with you. As far as saying you're sorry, some people have a harder time saying those actual words "i'm sorry". and i'm one of them. Your husband may also say he's sorry by actions, not by saying the words, so you may have to look for clues in his actions. And last, again i stress: you are very hormonal right now! everything seems bigger than it is. be patient, things will even out after you have the baby. Good luck!
2006-12-19 09:35:00 · answer #2 · answered by kayzee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know honestly it is hard to gage what is really the problem without more of an example of his behavior. I am more inclined to take certain things into account as it relates to his actions. For example he may have tried to get time off from work but his boss may not be kind as it relates to this. I remember that when I tried to get time off to do things like that with my wife at the time my job was very nasty. They pretty much said either work or home. So maybe that could be his situation. Or maybe this is the man you married. I think we don't really take inventory of the people we marry or we think that somehow they are going to change once we put that ring on there finger. In any event I would say you just gotta deal with what you got or get some counseling. If he is the type of man I am thinking of you are not going to see change to soon. But I do say keep at him. Do it in a loving way because men are more likely to respond to a soft voice more so than a harsh voice.
2006-12-19 09:45:52 · answer #3 · answered by Wordsmith 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Guys certainly don't need to be in on the doctor's visits that is a 70s things. I know some guys are 'sensitive' to doing that but most of those guys are artists and have business's of their own.
Remember each time your husband takes off real work he is docked pay if he is hourly, if not the boss is going to take a dim view of him taking off. Afterall he hired him to be there not with you during working hours. Your not quite 5 months along and should be able to drive yourself anywhere you want. Besides guys at gyn/ob offices are always uncomfortable, can you blame them?
Your hormones are off right now you are going to see everything wrong with him. That doesn't mean you should let your hormones control your situation. You can control it if you just calm down and listen to yourself raving. Tape yourself talking to him or having an argument. All of a sudden you might see your the one seeing things wrong or at least unreasonable.
Men have very sensitive ego, a woman can crush it like ping pong ball with a look. That is why they have to put up that wall, that is why many won't committ to one woman, once a wife figures that out you both will be able to compromise.
(married-35, mother of 4)
2006-12-19 09:33:33 · answer #4 · answered by Tapestry6 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ok.. The doctors visit: If he want go with you have the doc make a video of the visit sonogram. Once your husband see whats inside your tummy that the both of you created it might just be an eye opener for him. Some men just dread the thought of going to visits because of what takes place. I've known some men to completly pass out while their wives are just at the visit! Your moody now and is expected with Preg. So take it easy and don't stress yourself out on this. I can see it both ways he wants to work.. well that's a good thing consider yourself lucky. Some men just want to lay on their tush and do nothing. Once this little angel is born if you don't already have children things are going to change in all areas.. money,time,etc... Think about it he's supporting you dear he's working to help in the long run. Again don't stress yourself on this take it easy and enjoy your bundle of joy inside... You'll miss those kicks and nudges once the angel is delivered. Relax!
2006-12-19 09:28:05 · answer #5 · answered by ssgtmommy01 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is natual for you to want him there but men dont understand all that stuff, and trust me men do not like feeling dumb I have been married 5 years, and have 2 kids my husband only went for the 1 visit and the ultrasound,and when I had the baby,I think if you want him there sometimes he should go to make you happy and realize this is not easy on him either, but thats no excuse for him to be mean to you. Communication is key although you are pregnant relaxe and ask question get to the bottom of the issue.
2006-12-19 09:35:48 · answer #6 · answered by ncgirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not that men always have to be right, it's that they don't want to be seen in a negative light and therefore don't want to be wrong. And it's not about their egos, it's about pride. You've got to start understanding your man.
If going to the doctor means he'll miss 3 hours of work, he may not want to do that. He might also feel uncomfortable in the doctor's office. Is it really necessary for him to go, or is it something you want, to make yourself feel secure? Does his not going really mean that he's not supporting you in the pregnancy--Really? How many other husbands do you usually see in the doctor's office? Think about it.
Sometimes it's better to let a man discover he's wrong, rather than argue about it. It sort of allows him to "save face", if you get my meaning. In any case, these things shouldn't drive you crazy. Men and women think differently, it's part of what attracts them to one another.
Take the time to learn more about your husband. Be more observant and less critical of him. You might find a lovable teddy bear in a man's body. Best wishes!
2006-12-19 09:56:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men don't think like we do, maybe he feels like he needs to work cause the more money you guys make the better things will be for the baby. I'm not taking up for him-trust me I'm just saying at least he's wanting to work. When I was pregnant, my husband was running around with his friends and going to play pool at the bar. So sorry but that's not the worst thing that could happen.
2006-12-19 09:21:49 · answer #8 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think u n ur hubby hav some problem(ur frequency didn't tally with ur hubby) b4 this pregnency, that is continuing till now. First of all if u wanna make some 1 happy then 1st u hav 2 b happy, but he is not thats y he is unable 2 make u happy. Ur husband is in some problem I think, most probs u don't giv him tym so that he can share all his problems with u.
Don't think that u r alone, just make urself happy, go to doctor, if ur alone then also its ok, and remember one thing plz take care of ur husband, whn he'll feel that there is som1 who always takes care of him, he'll luv u and will take care of u.
Its not a matter that he hasn't 3 hours to giv u, its not a matter of ego, its a matter y he'll go with u ? just bcoz u r his wife, NO, just realize him that u r not only her wife but also his everything, and I'm sure u can do that bcoz u know all his likes and dislikes. So all the best...
2006-12-19 09:30:27 · answer #9 · answered by Nicky 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am a man. I don't have to be right, and I say I'm sorry when I am wrong. You chose a man who is the way he is. You didn't have to make that choice, but you did. Women marry men expecting them to change, and that makes no sense whatsoever to me. It's too late for you now, with a baby on the way. You'll just have to change your mindset. Remember when you were dating how he seemed decisive and self-confident and how you just loved those things about him? Now, in your mind, you are calling his decisiveness an unwillingness to compromise, and you are calling his self-confidence an excess of ego. Change your thoughts, because you can't change your husband.
2006-12-19 09:23:53 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you read the book, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husband?" My mom read this book when she and my father were having martial problems (not saying that that is necessarily the case with you) and by changing the way she said things and her over all attitude she has completely changed my dad's attitude. I know that it sounds odd and it feels like he should be the one to change, but it's like the saying goes..."If mama ain't happy, no one's happy" and vise versa :)
Also, have you sat down him his and explained why it is so important to you for him to be there. A lot of the times, guys just do not get it until you explain things to them in a non accusing, very blunt way. That may be all that it takes.
Good luck with your husband. I hope that he comes around soon.
2006-12-20 19:17:20 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋