Will I ever trust my husband again?

Question

My husband cheated on me, so we separated and he has an apartment. I am really insecure about everything and can't stand this arrangement. He has to go to appointments on Fridays at a hospital an hour away. He usually spends the night there and comes to my house Saturday-Monday. I am constantly calling him and he sometimes doesn't answer his phone. Last night, I called him and he was driving to the mall. I couldn't understand why he didn't pick me up or tell me he was going there.

I am paranoid that he is still cheating on me. Is it normal to be so insecure and wanting to know where he is all the time? How can I trust him again?

Answer 1

First thing you should do is ask yourself" can I get over this cheating factor?" The answer to that will either be of course yes and accept your husband back and let it go. Meaning do not bring the issue back up again. It's true you can forgive but never forget and this will certainly be in the back of your mind. Or "NO" and procede with seperation/divoice it might be a good idea to talk to your husband about this. Talking and not shouting or doing the you cheated this and that.. Give the man time to talk and you listen. Women always state once a cheater always a cheater, but there's a reason for the man cheating to begin with. So ask him that dear " Why did you do this?" allow him to answer you without blowing a gasket. Its apparent that you love your husband otherwise you wouldn't be concerned about where he is, what he's doing or anything else regarding him. So I encourage you just to have a good old fashioned talk with him. People make mistakes but the fantastic thing about mistakes is we learn from them and that's what make us the wiser in some cases.
Trust takes time it want happen over night it will take time... Good luck and I do hope everything works out for the best.
And by the way how do you know he cheated? did you catch him yourself or someone told you? Thats a huge factor if someone told you, then honey never go on hear say thats bad! If you saw it with your own eyes then yes by all means try the advice above in talking to him. The most important thing in a relationship is communication.

Answer 2

No need reading the question beyond the openert.
Why would you trust him in the first place. Sure something I would never do with someone I was very close to.

Now that you think I am terrible I will say this. I never fully trust any person at any time. I do know we all have outr faults and i try to accept people as what they are but not what i think they should be. If people do things that I can't tolerate then the relationship is over.
Life is too short to have to live with problems that a person will never solve. There are plenty of peoploe out there so find new friends. Lovers come cheap friends do not.

Answer 3

you sound like you are a insecure person anyhow, you probably will never trust him again but need to understand why he cheated on you in the first place, most times it is because there is something missing at home or something is there that he doesnt like,

I would suggest finding some counceling, He was probably going to the mall since Xmas is next week and may have wanted to get you a nice present,,, the constant calling will drive him away, most guys hate the telephone, I know I cant stand it,

and as a adult we do not feel we have to tell anyone where we are going,

I think you personally would benefit from counceling but also the two of you would benefit from family counceling,

Answer 4

There is a saying Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater. This may be true in some cases, but not in all.

My husband cheated on me and I stayed with him (don't ask me why, I don't know). I still don't trust him. I try to, but I can't. Because of this, our marriage has disintegrated and almost non-existant.

Ask yourself these questions:
1. Can you see yourself living with this man again?
2. Do you have the gut feeling that he is cheating on you? (if you do, then he probably is.)
3. Do you think you can forgive (not necessarily forget) that he cheated on you?
4. Are you happy now? Were you happy in the marriage? Can you be happy again with him?

Think about what is best for you and your health. If you are absolutly miserable without him and you want him home, take him back. If you are happier without him, then ask for a divorce. Think of yourself before you think of him.

Good luck.

Answer 5

Sweetheart you can't. Think about it. He has his own apartment. And his Job is a hour away. Dam this guy really really got you losing it. But don't worrier I'll help you get him back if you really want him. First if you want to know if he is still cheating, Just drive pass his apartment in some black stocking and a long coat, And high heels, Then walk up to the door and ring the door bell if he is happy to see you. Then take the creep back. But if a woman opens the door, Then open your coat and tell her that your his wife. And let her know that this will be you one day. Coming up to his door, And saying these same word's to other woman.

Answer 6

biggest problems in ur life is ur being insecure about everything in life . ur constant calling or spying on ur husband will irritate any husband of any wife on this earth . do some work 2 occupy ur mind rather thinking all the time what he is doing ? everyone need some space n fresh air 2 breath . so give some space.if he does the same thing with u . you will get irritated or fustrated. so girl give some space. if he cheat on u find a boyfriend 4 urself .move on otherwise.

Answer 7

Calling him constanly and asking nagging questions certainly won't help the situation.
If you say you are seperated and he has his own apartment, then it sounds to me like you guys have already figured out your next steps. He cheated. Ok. You know that. Can you trust him again? Only you can really decide that. Answers on here won't help with that question, BUT the advice on what to do may help.
Stop being insecure with a man who already hurt you and move on.

Answer 8

Its hard, I know, I too am learning to trust my husband after his affair. We were seperated by distance because of his job with FEMA right after hurricane katrina. He was 5 states away for 9 months. He confessed and I believe is really sorry and remorseful. He struggles with his guilt everyday. I never kicked him out. I just believe once you take that step, it sends mixed msgs to everyone. Are u in counseling? You need to be if he will not go, go by yourself. But in the meantime...if he is cheating, you will find out. But you need to back off a little while and give him some space, either to screw up and get caught or to realize what he has to lose if he doesn't have you. I hope all works out.Good Luck!!

Answer 9

Let me tell you two things that are for definite sure, and this can fix your problem. Number one: He is going to screw up. I’ll guarantee you. I know him. The second thing is, you don’t need to trust him to be perfect. What you need to do is trust yourself to be able to handle it when he is less than perfect. Now, the good news is the only person that you need to control to fix this problem is you. The person you’re mad at is not him. You were mad at him when he was doing what he was doing. You’re mad at you now because you let it happen, and now you look back on it and go, ‘What was I thinking? Why didn’t I stop that years ago? So now I don’t trust myself to be open because I’ll get stupid again.’ And that’s not true.

Answer 10

If you still love him,try to work things out,and have more open communication in the future.You can build trust up again,slowly,but it takes a commitment from both.Good luck-I am separated too,and know how difficult it can be.