Questions on cheating or is it?

Question

Husband had to go for work for a month out of state to finish a job for construction/electrical. him and his friend went to a bar, he saw a girl he liked, took off his wedding band, went over and told her his name, told her he was single and they had a drink together. (there was 3 or 4 of them all in a group)

they all left the bar, went to a party and just stood there and talked all night. (husband told me he wanted to see how far this could go, just to feed his ego he claims he never did anything like this before)

he claims, that when the party ended they were all going to breakfast late night and when they got there, he chickened out and showed her his ring and walked out.

if this story is true, would you say thats cheating? becuase i do.

i think also, im no idiot, that this is prob not the entire story either.

help

i have to ad, that THIS all happened 5 years ago too! why tell me now??????

Answer 1

If it's the whole story, I don't think it's cheating. I consider cheating to be physical contact or an "emotional affair" as people call it today. However, I doubt it's the whole story. No one should ever go without their wedding band in public. I do know some police officers that do so that criminals don't see they're married and be tempted to target their families. I also know some factory workers that don't where them (at work) because they can get caught in machinery and someone could lose a finger (a friend of mine knew someone that happened to). However, these examples are issues of safety; seeing an attractive person and wanting them to think you are single isn't an excuse. I'm not saying I wouldn't be seriously angry, but I wouldn't say he cheated (if his story is true, but you will probably never know for sure). If his story is true, ask him why he thinks he needs to "feed his ego" by hitting on other women? There are other ways to do this. Sure, sometimes when we've been married a while we start to wonder if we still have it. But, this is NOT the way to prove it to yourself. He should be enough of an adult to be happy with himself. If he's going to rely on the opinion's of others, he should ask himself, "do I still turn my wife on?" You are the only woman whose opinion about his sex appeal should matter. End of story.

Answer 2

Yes, this was cheating. Like you, I'm sure there's more to the story. I'm not sure why he told you all this information, unless it was to ease a guilty conscience, but you can be sure you didn't get the entire story.

Even with what you were told, all the intent to cheat was there. He made a decision to remove his ring. He made a decision to state that he was single. Even if he didn't follow all the way through, he had opened up all the doors to make it possible.

As a wife who has been cheated on more than once, I know it's not easy to walk away from someone you love...even when they've betrayed you. However, for your own peace of mind, you would be wise to run. He may not have gone through with a physical act with the woman this time, but it's likely he will the next time. It's definitely in his mind. Happily married men who are willing to be faithful to the woman they love will not remove their ring and pick up another woman.....ever.

In my own case, if it weren't for our two very young children, I'd have left my husband as soon as I found out about his extra-marital activities.

Answer 3

"I love explosions. I wanted to see an explosion so I lit a stick of TNT and right before it burned down I blew out the fuse. Then I lit it again and blew it out. Then I lit it again and blew it out. But nothing ever happened. It never went off." Yeah, right.

Even if he is telling the truth - and I agree, he probably is *not* - what he did was cheating. I've really had it with people "Clinton-izing" what cheating means. "Well garsh honey I only frenched her in the hallway for months and finger banged her near the copier and stuck my pecker in her mouth a few hundred times and shot my come all over her face and dress a few dozen times. Relax, that's not (finger quotes) cheating."

Cheating guys, having no spine or backbone, like to try and soften the impact of what they have done by leaving out the screwing part. Because they can't man up and take responsibility for what they did. So you always have to add more to the end of their stories.

Be unrelenting in asking, "I know you've screwed other women - the question is how many times?" Sooner or later he'll blurt it out like the little b*tch that he is -- "okay okay I screwed her but just once!" (That means 9-12 times).

Conversion table:

"Just once I swear to god it was a mistake" = 9-12 times
"Once or twice -- I wasn't counting, you know" = 2 dozen
"She made me meet her & threatened to tell you" = 40-50 pokes
Any other answer = the sky's the limit

Sorry it happened to you - but most cheaters never stop cheating. Better rethink the whole deal.

Answer 4

True, probably not the entire story. However, a few years back I went out to bar, doing the same thing (no intention of cheating). Just as you said to stroke his ego. It is helpful to see interest from one other than your wife. As far as if it is considered cheating. Here's a question for you, do you consider it cheating? If yes, then yes he was cheating. Many people claim that anything you don't want your spouse to know is cheating, if you think like this, well then he wasn't as he told what took place.

Answer 5

I agree that it may not be the whole story. Cheating is dishonest BUT, he didn't quite cheat (according to his story). He was very dishonest and went against your trust for him. Cheating would have just been icing on the cake, you know? What he did may not necessarily account for cheating but it was very, very wrong and emotionally/mentally unfaithful to you. He lied to another woman to make himself feel good, when in the end, the only thing he really did was hurt you.
To feed his ego? Come on. The fact that she looked his way should have been enough to feed his ego. He never should have taken it any further. Taking off his wedding band was a sign of "breaking" his vows to you.

Answer 6

Well i would probably not hurry up things first, i know how you must feel.....but to come up to you and tell you all about it does feel a little strange you know! Coz normally when they do cheat they wont ever come close to the subject and will hide it to the end, So if i was you i would not hurry up on things talk about it into a very deep conversation stating the same subject and asking the same questions, if he changes the version than that could be a lie.
I wish you all the luck in the world and i really hope it's not cheating

Answer 7

you may or may not be correct about him cheating. First of all why would he tell you about this if he indeed did have sex with this lady? He could have let it go entirely. What amazes me in marriage relationships or dating is everyone wants to be honest, but if a man or woman comes home feels guilty because they were tempted and tells the truth, then they are still damned. Let it go unless you know for sure he's out there seeing someone. I don't know any man who'd tell their wife like he did about something like that. Sounds like you have a man with a concious. Don't screw it up if you do next time he might just go with it. Good luck

Answer 8

Even if he's telling the truth (!?), he was "playing with fire" at the very least. Some might argue it was only flirting, but whatever was in his heart when he decided to do this is what he is guilty of.

Present him with the same scenario and maybe even let him think you are contemplating the same ("just to feed your ego" of course.) ......Unless he's a total Jack-A$$, he probably won't want you to do that. Let him know you will file for divorce if it ever happens again because you deserve a better relationship with someone who you can trust and respect and will afford you the same.

Answer 9

im sure theres more to this
sounds like cheating
but i was at a bar once a chatted and went to a club but i did not cheat i made i clear i was married and was just out for the night with mates for a laugh not to pull. there was no kisses or suggestion that any thing was gonna happen

Good Luck

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Answer 10

You are right. It is cheating. Even entertaining the idea of it is awful and shameful. I think he is lying too. Why would a married man need to go out for drinks without his wife?!!! He doesn't take this marriage seriously. Pay someone to follow him and take pictures. That's what I'd do.