I'm naturally very shy and quiet (its nothing to do with how I was brought up, my mom's an old school feminist), but people are always telling me how I need to be more assertive and outgoing...I feel like everyone wants me to change but i like myself the way i am...?
2006-12-18 22:45:26 · 22 answers · asked by kitty kat 1 in Social Science ➔ Gender Studies
Wow. Your mom was an old school feminist and you're shy and quiet? I don't know how, but you lucked out! Honestly, good guys prefer women like you. It's the ones who are obsessed with being "assertive and outgoing" that get picked up in bars by guys that seem "exciting" to them.
Keep up the good work!
2006-12-18 23:04:19 · answer #1 · answered by Steve 4 · 4⤊ 4⤋
Absolutely not!
I am a feminist and I will hold on to my femininity and am very proud of my femininity.
Feminism is really not about "becoming" men. It's about saying, I can do this just as well as you, but in MY own way. I do not have to wear suits, be agressive, shout louder or even use masculin logic to acheive the same as a man.
I can do it wearing a a floral dress, nurture an idea, quietly express my ideas, and even count on my femine intuition to do it just as well.
I do not need the "b*lls" to do anything. I can do it wearing my "big girls blouse".
It is not WEAK to do it this way. I just do it this way and if it acheives the same result as you then why should it not be recognised for it's own merit.
That's where equality comes in, not in doing thinks "like" a man, but by doing it "like" a woman, and still getting there. Sometimes more efficiently than the more accetpted "Masculine" way of doing it.
Just look at policing? The traditional masculine way is go in, agressive, get the suspect on the floor, talk harsh, get results.
A woman police officer can achieve the same thing (obviously depending on the naure of the crime/ suspect etc) without any aggresison. Sometimes by just talking, being understanding and getting the suspect to cooperate. Yet this is generally seen as "weak" policing?
Just one example of femininity being here to stay.
EDIT: Some people still don't seem to be very in touch with modern feminism. Even though there are many views on this thread and others that say exactly the oposite of what they are spouting. Oh well those with closed minds will never see.
2006-12-19 02:00:33 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
No it is not bad for a woman to have feminine qualities. I am the same way. I don't think people can change their core being anyway. We are who we are. I've found that more women than men tell me I need to be more outgoing. Most people think I am a very sweet person and wouldn't do anything to try and change that. The people that want me to change usually fade into my past very soon. You should love yourself for being the kind sweet woman that you are. Not many women I know could even go so far as to use the word decent to describe who they are.
2006-12-18 22:54:11 · answer #3 · answered by forevereverizmine 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong with being a woman who has feminine qualities. People think that if you're not a woman who is all neo-feminist and *** kicking and shiz like that that there is something wrong with you. WRONG. The point of all that is just don't be treated poorly because you're a woman, but definately be who you are, especially since you like being that way. Besides, after reading the above responses, and now editing my response, I'd like to add that I'm a fantastic guy and am interested in those kind of women. Women that aren't WOMEN...I don't like it. I find it extremely unattractive when women do things like cuss. People say thats sexist. But think. If I told a girl I just went and got a, like pedicure, she would like totally be eeeeew. Right? Same thing. So what the above people said is true...and I'm off to go drink my tea, so good luck.
Look at what feminism has done...
2006-12-19 12:21:56 · answer #4 · answered by fslcaptain737 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you're a feminist, yes. The fact that you even had to ask the question is clear indication that feminism HAS had an effect on our society, regardless of whether or not you consider yourself to be a feminist. Feminine qualities are considered weak by feminists...only masculine qualities are valued. It's because of this that women are made to feel unhappy about being women...they've been lead to believe that their natural-born strengths are worthless. This is also why the term "house-wife" has become derogatory for some these days. With this in mind, it's no surprise that some people are pushing their ideas on what you should/should not be...especially if they (like your mother) are feminists. I say keep and cherish your qualities...it's what men who are real men, and know what they really want, are looking for. Unless I miss my guess, you probably open up to people once you get to know them. I married a woman like you in this regard...and we are both very happy. Don't change to fit somebody elses twisted idea of what you should be just to vindicate their decisions in life. Being what a woman was naturally meant to be opens the door to a kind of fulfillment a feminist will never know.
It's a sad day when a woman has to ask if it's OK to be a woman. Thank you feminism.
2006-12-19 02:39:42 · answer #5 · answered by fishman 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
No, its bad for a woman to be a fake and not feel comfortable with herself.
You are comfortable with the way you are, thats good. Who says being more assertive and outgoing is the way you MUST be? Is that what makes you a whole person? No, what makes you a whole person is being happy with your self esteem no matter what people say you should be like.
I heard a teacher tell a mother that shed '' like to see'' the little girl be more assertive and strong. Then she told another mother who had a loud mouth kid ''she needs to tone it down a bit''. So you see, nothing is acceptable anywhere- its who you feel comfortable being that matters.
2006-12-19 00:43:56 · answer #6 · answered by nikogal2006 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How does femininity equate with not being assertive? It's never bad for a woman to be feminine and it's not wrong for a man to be masculine....but then again, I also think the reverse is okay as well. People are who they are, there's no changing that.
2006-12-19 02:44:34 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hi kitty kat,
Being shy and quiet will be more a characteristic of your personality, rather than a feminine quality.
Therefore, it makes you no less feminine if you are quiet to another girl who is outspoken and loud!
Live your life, and don't try to pretend to be someone that you are not. You are more shy and quiet, there's no problem with that! Infact in alot of situations being that way is better than someone who is loud and noticable!
Don't feel pressurised to change for anyone, this is who you are, and liking the person who you are is the most important thing! :)
2006-12-18 23:14:16 · answer #8 · answered by GuessWho 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
In the culture we live in, most women accept, to a very considerable extent, feminist values.
However, that provides you with a tremendous opportunity, because most men don't!
Be yourself. Be open and frinedly and let your own values shine through. Men actually prefer the sort of woman you are. Most men much prefer women to be feminine and don't really care for the masculinzed women they see and meet all around them.
2006-12-22 01:04:30 · answer #9 · answered by Feinschmecker 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Qualities do not have a sex--cultures define which qualities are "masculine" and which ones are "feminine."
There is nothing wrong with being shy or quiet for males or females, unless it is something that bothers you.
2006-12-20 11:45:25 · answer #10 · answered by Javisst 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋