Please Help? I think my ex is going to take me back to court?

Question

He sent a christmas card to our two yr old got it this morning. Inside was written "i'll see you in the new year" obviously a threat meant for me. Obviously my son can't read, these are just the things he does. When he had access I tried everything! It was a rather abusive relationship and still to this day he starts. His only communicatin is via post I changed my number etc. I get a letter 6 months ago saying he was waliking away. Then recently one saying he's not going to do that. I either talk to him on my own without anyone around or he takes me to court. Ther would be no way I would want to be alone with this man he scares the living daylights out of me. There were so many probs with visits to his ie my son would come back filthy in a dirty and wet nappy. He came back hardly dressed a few times in middle of winter. Was always ill next day when he had been there and my son alwys looked all out of sorts, in a dazed and confused way. I know he dabbled in drugs so? What do I do??

Martin he was not the bad boy type.Far from it. All sweetness and light to everyone.Then behind closed doors. lets say Jeckle and Hyde.

We have done the supervised visits. He went mad about it. Made me stop them next time we went to court. I felt bad as he is his dad.However he uses it against me. I'm not justsaying it but it is all to get at me! If i had enough room to wrte you would see ;(

My name's Mud everything you have said I have tried. Trivial really obv you don't have children. They were only the tip of the iceburg. If you had read I did explain. I will suggest reading before writing in future. This has by no means been an easy thing for me to do. PEOPLE DON'T DO THINGS LIKE THIS WITHOUT REASON. NOT LETTING HIM BE AROUND was what I thought was better and safer for MY SON and I.

Sorry you do have children. I was rather emotional as i read. Due to the fact it has been such a hard thing to do like you wouln't believe!

Shaney boy. I know where you are coming from. We were going back and forth to court an i would say he did hang himself. He had stoped paying Csa and agreed to walk away now all of a sudden it changes? It's like he lost a toy so picks up an old one to replace it for a while till he gets bored again, in the mean time uses me as a punch bag pshycologiaclly. If he was genuine, stopped the abuse on me and only tried to do everything he could for his son, instead of not sticking to visits, not giving my son medicines he should have, leaving him in his car in the middle of a petrol station turning up to pick our son up with no tax or insurance on his car etc,etc it doesn't have to be perfect then I would have no issue.

Answer 1

Be prepared to fight! Does he really have the money to hire a lawyer and go back to court? Look he probably just wanted to mess with you, don't start getting all upset now. Wait and see what happens.

Answer 2

How do you mean he "made" you stop the supervised visits? Do you mean he threatened you so you agreed to let him have usupervised contact, or that you both argued your case in court but that he was successful on that occasion?

i agree with people who say keep a log of events. Also, if there are any witnesses, try and get them to write their account of what they have seen.

If you receive certain benefits or have a low disposable income each month then you could be entitled to legal aid. I think you should look into this.

If you are not entitled to legal aid, then i think you should hold off going to solicitors until he actually makes his move to take you back to court. It will only cost you more money otherwise and, who knows, he may be bluffing.

Good luck. I have some experience with these matters and I know that the court is always minded to order contact except under very extreme circumstances. I think you probably have to prepare yourself that, if he does go back to court with it, he will probably get something. The argument then becomes whether that contact is supervised or not.

Answer 3

First, keep a record of all contacts made with your ex for future court appearances. Most of all his threats to take your son away from you especially in court are words only and will backfire against him if he does go back to court. For him to win in court, he has to prove that youve been an unfit mother via hard evidence that youve been charged with child or drug/menatl abuse via police or medical reports. If he cant prove that he has nothing that will hurt you. You can charge harassment against him if he keeps it up. If you feel unsafe around him theres nothing that says you have to deal with him directly and advice talking to him thru the courts. You can get a protective restraining order against him if you feel unsafe and will help if you ever need the police. Let the courts know about the drugs and if you sense hes giving them to your son, have him drug tested for sure and then the courts will sever all ties between him and his son. If nothing else put your sons safety first, and dont worry about the father-son thing as your son definitely doesnt need a father like that. Good luck and Merry Christmas

Answer 4

Hi . It is vitaly important that you make a log off all the incidents. Wether it is to do with you or your child! It looks as though he is not capable of looking after a small child, but is maybe doing it to get to you. Its called playing mind games. You need to find an experienced family solicitor who will advise you, they can be expensive so shop around. If he has ever been violent towards you then make sure to get a record of that & if it goes to court then make sure you have all the evidence documented. If you need more advice then e-mail, ill be happy to help. Im a trainee solicitor but have many friends in the business. Take care.

Answer 5

i also had this problem, my ex was very violent and as a result social services have said he's not allowed access to our now 3yr old son. he was much the same as u describe. so if i were u i'd either phone social services and tell them what happened in the past and that ur scared of him, tell them how he has looked after ur child in the past. they will probably ban him from seeing him or grant him supervised access. or u could wait til he takes u 2 court (tho my ex has threatened this but has never acted), at court tell them ur feelings, they will then involve social services. it's the best way if u want whats best 4 ur child. if u need 2, email me.
good luck

Answer 6

your ex will only win eventually through the courts! all the courts care about is that both parents are about for the child. unless there as been physical harm to the child that as been reported to the police and documented or your ex is a killer or a child abuser (sorry to sound so harsh) but the courts will sugest what my name muds as suggested i.e an hour then two hours, you should have stayed in the contact centre that would have been best to build the trust up dont feel guilty for wanting to protect your son its natural. get yourself a good child based solicitor who specalises in family and law cases but be prepared to not like what you hear but at least with things being said in front of a judge he as to stick to the arrangements but you also have to make him available for them arrangements. it is so hard when kids are involved and you split from the other parent if you know he is a bad dad and going to fail fight with the courts but your solicitor will just tell you to let him hang himself so to speak, you need to give him the chance to proove that he can make it or break it. it is better to give him the chance now so that if he does slip up your son wont remember to much of the damage but if he does proove you wrong and pulls himself together and starts to be a good dad they will both thank you later on in life it is a hard one! fight if you know you are right but be prepared for the courts to go ahead with contact reguardless. hope it works out for you and good for you for walking away from a violent relationship it is not good for anyone.

Answer 7

Keep a diary and log such events as when he does go to his dads, what state he comes back in, wearing what clothing etc, and keep things such as the card with the message in, that you may think may have been intended for you. If you really feel that you would endanger yourself by being in his company, then you must think of the safety of your child. I undertand he is the father, but sometimes you have to take a proper, serious look at the situation and come up with the best solution. Why not press for him to have acsess under supervision for your peace of mind? Seek professional advice for legalalities and proceedings for such resolutions.

Answer 8

Look hun, if you know this guy isn't looking after your baby properly then I would fight him tooth and nail. Get yourself some good advice, maybe speak to a domestic violence unit and explain your fears to them.....he does not have to have actually 'hit' you for these places to takes your fear seriously. Get all the info you can about your rights and what has happened with other people in this situation....

Above all trust your own instinct as a mum. Emma.x

Answer 9

Get a good lawyer, in touch with the police and prove to the court that he's a dangerous threat to your baby ad your self. Fight for your baby!

Answer 10

first thing to do i get a solicitor.keep a record of all contact dates times conditions of child etc.when you have to see your ex never do it alone always have someone there with you.best thing to do is let the court decide what access he should have.he sounds like he will not follow these so it will only strengthen your case.