I am going through a divorce and I don't really want to keep my married surname, I would like to go back to my maiden name, but I have children and I don't want to confuse them by suddenly having a different surname to them, what should I do?
2006-12-18 18:12:17 · 23 answers · asked by eeore 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My kids are 9 and 5 and live with their father and are confused enuf already
2006-12-18 18:28:36 · update #1
I too am nearing the final proceeding for my decree absolute and have looked into this myself, though I don't have any children to consider. It has been brought to my attention that legally you'd have to change it by deed poll, which will cost.Of course you can go about just changing it on all personal details, but it doesn't change in the registry book, which will mean (for example;) that requests for voting will come through in your married name, which will cause conflict. If your truely unhappy keeping your married name, why not double barrel it with your maiden name? For example if Smith is your married name and Jones was your maiden why not Smith-Jones? This way you are declaring the acknowledgement of the divorce and declaring your status back, but without confusing the children so much. You can explain that because you are no longer married to him that you cant have his surname, but that you are still part holding it and that as them being his children they still have the same surname as thier father.
2006-12-18 19:08:58 · answer #1 · answered by Need_to_know 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You wouldn't be the only woman with a different surname to your children. I say that if you want your own surname back then you should be able to change it without having to explain yourself to anybody. You are an adult, with an ability to decide things for yourself so your kids will have to accept it. Don't think that your children will be upset or confused, sometimes they are not even bothered about what the adults are up to.
2006-12-18 18:22:15 · answer #2 · answered by Luvfactory 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're angry and want to cleanse yourself from the marriage completely. Understandable. but I'd be a baddy and keep the name for a while. If he did you wrong just think how angry it would make the other women knowing you still call yourself 'Mrs' Laugh. In England you can call yourself by any name you wish. You must use it all the time and inform all the 'important' bodies - ie. Doctors, Taxman, etc. If you re-marry, they will want to know your ex-married name though. By the way keep your divorce papers and decree nisi in a safe place, they are important documents and you will need to show them when or if you remarry.
2006-12-18 20:49:45 · answer #3 · answered by Curious39 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure that your children will get used to the idea that you have gone back to your maiden name. They're more likely to be confussed by the idea that mum and dad are no longer together and the divorce.
I personally don't think that this is an issue to worry about, I'm sure that you have plenty of other issues. Good luck.
2006-12-18 18:25:02 · answer #4 · answered by SOL SIREN 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What I would do is this. Ask the children for there opinion assuming there old enough. Also, ask any other divorce people you may know who have children. Then make the call based on just your logic and gut feeling. Good Luck, you have the answers.
2006-12-18 18:22:44 · answer #5 · answered by John 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's easier to have the same surname as your children, especially when they're young. A friend of mine had a nightmare when the school rang our work and asked for Mrs Smith (her partner's and daughter's surname) instead of Ms Jones which was her surname (and that was on the school records, but they didn't check). Naturally our workplace had no idea who 'Mrs Smith' was and the call didn't go through (we couldn't have mobiles with us so they couldn't ring that) and her daughter was left with no one to collect her from school when she was ill. That has always stuck with me so when my partner and I had our son I insisted that he took my surname until we eventually get married.
(names have been changed to protect the innocent!!)
2006-12-18 18:20:28 · answer #6 · answered by KB 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should tack your maiden name onto the end of your married name and when the children are older you can drop the married name and have your maiden name. Of course if you married someone else in the meantime it would be complicated.
2006-12-18 18:55:19 · answer #7 · answered by jaygirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mum has a different surname to me and it never bothered myself or my brother
and my daughter has my surname whereas her mother doesnt and she aint fazed by it(she is 5)as long as yer kids know your name(for the purpose of informing people if lost etc) it shouldnt make any difference wether or not you share the same name
2006-12-18 18:26:18 · answer #8 · answered by t00t5 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I came to this state and I went to change my drivers license at the DMV. I wanted to change my name. They told me I would have to court and petition for it in front of a judge It $500.00 +.
I figured I would live with the name...my daughter asked if it would be alright if she changed hers but she will get married soon..so I told her to save the money and put it towards her wedding or honeymoon.
As far as the differences in names...It is so common now that I don't think you really have to worry about your kids.
2006-12-18 18:37:14 · answer #9 · answered by e_piphany214 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do whatever you want to do. If the do change your change back, then explain it to the children. Or you could use both names with a hyphen. I live in Athens Greece and here the women does NOT change her name when she marries, she keeps her own name.
2006-12-18 18:24:09 · answer #10 · answered by London Girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋