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My marriage seems really good. But recently my husband bought a laptop for himself instead of us sharing my computer. Thats cool. But now I am locked out of it. I can only get on through the user name he created for me which keeps all his documents and history private. He also says he doesn't use messenger, but the other morning I kept hearing what sounded like someone sending him message after message. That is why I noticed I was locked out.

I have to admit that I have unknown email accounts (always have had 3 or 4 I hardly ever use for surfing reasons) that he has never known the passwords of or maybe does'nt know they exist. I also recently changed all my email passwords to private ones since I feel my accounts are mine. So for that, it is hard to accuse him for blocking me. But he is able to get on my computer any time and see my surfing history, documents, favorites and the like.

So should I be concerned or do you have a solution to our recent problem?

2006-12-18 17:45:37 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

Sophia, I have the other email accounts because I sometimes needed an email to join a forum etc and didn't want to use my regular one. I never use them. Also, a note... he doesn't use the computer for work but for entertainment. Finally I did lock him out of mine, but it doesn't make me feel better because I have nothing to hide. I caught him in the past looking at porn and he knows I am pretty good detective and maybe feels he has a right to privacy. But being married I don't agree.

2006-12-18 18:02:12 · update #1

32 answers

dear dont panic and press the panic button.I would suggest first sit down and try to analyse what is bothering u.his working on lap top or u not getting access to his things.is he not keeping u happy emotionally,financially,physically .it is good that u should know every little detail that is happening in ur hubby life,but are u reciprocating in the same way.after answering to all this question if u feel u need to talk to ur husband then surely go ahead.when talking to him dont be aggressive or timid look straight into his eye and explain to him the turmoil u are going through.word of caution pls choose words properly cos it can make or mar the discussion.explain him that ur are his legally wed wife and ur leading a happy and wonderful life with him and u dont want to intrude in his space but if he feels that something is bothering him or something which i should know than he should tell me rather than she coming to know from other sources.tell him the strength of the relationship lies in being fair and open to each other .the more u r fair and open the stronger the relationship will be.dont acuse him of anything.tell him that u are proud to have him as ur husband .ask him if there is something which is lacking from ur side in fulfilling the duties and how can u overcome that.believe me if he l;oves u he will open up.after all the closeness in relationship is from understanding each other and gelling properly.
do let me know about ur success at kulleenmanish@yahoo.com

2006-12-18 18:25:40 · answer #1 · answered by mans 2 · 1 0

There are particularly a couple of factors that he might do that, listed below are a couple of: a million) Some individuals identical to their privateness, despite the fact that they have got not anything to cover two) Some individuals are required to fasten their computer systems at paintings each time they depart their desks, so it would simply be an unconscience addiction three) People repeatedly lock their cellphone telephones in order that if used to be ever stolen, it would no longer be used to make lengthy distance calls four) People repeatedly lock their computer systems/cellphone telephones in order that the reveal saver pops up quicker so they are able to view it five) Some individuals are paranoid and simply consider it's more secure or a well train to continuously lock the whole lot whilst no longer in use 6) There may be the probability that he's doing matters you would not like, reminiscent of chatting/emailing females, and or speakme to them at the cell/pc (with a bit of luck this isn't it, however this would and absolutely is the number one motive that individuals could do that) My thought is that subsequent time he does it, inform him the reality. Tell him you're worried approximately it and feeling just a little insecure and in your possess piece of brain, ask him to liberate the pc and cellphone cell proper after he does it, and notice for your self. If he real has not anything to cover, he's going to do it, and you're going to understand he isn't dishonest. If he relatively fights you on it and refuses, he's absolutely dishonest. Good success and check out and supply him the improvement of the doubt and be calm whilst you ask him.

2016-09-03 16:43:38 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Sounds like he's making an effort to hide something from you...try not to accuse him of anything, but you do need to tell him how it makes you feel! If he says you are being paranoid, ask him why he is going through so much trouble to keep everything he does private and have a secret password. The only good thing he could be doing on there and wanting to hide is possibly ordering Christmas presents for you and wanting to make sure you can't see the websites he shopped at! If he's still being secretive after Christmas, you know you've got a problem.

2006-12-18 17:52:36 · answer #3 · answered by Julia 3 · 1 0

I don't understand why he is able to look into your history and
documents and what ever else. While he has his on lock down,
that to me doesn't sound right. And then he tells you he doesn't
use his messenger, then you hear what it appears to be a message from someone leaving him a message. It just doesn't
sound right but then again, I can't assume something is going on. I would just ask him and find out and if it seems like he gets
up set over nothing then maybe he is hiding something. What
you can do is when he is not looking change your info so when
he is trying to check out your history, he won't be able to get into
it and let him see how it feels. After that you need to buy your own computer. As be concerned I would just keep an eye open
or an ear on things cause that to me doesn't sound right.

2006-12-18 17:56:50 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

I would probably be concerned too, but then again I always do the wrong thing. Let me give you some advise a wise person once gave me.

1. Don't jumpt to conclusions. Find out the truth through confrontation.
2. Always confront in love.
3. Begin confrontation by confirming the relationship
4. Discuss the issue details.
5. Discuss how you feel about the issue.
6. Discuss the solution to resolving the issue.
7. Discuss how you will work together to implement the solution.
8. Reaffirm the relationship.

I believe in this you will both find a new level in your relationship.

2006-12-18 17:54:56 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

My cousin's wife was cheating on him using "secret" accounts and a prepay cell phone she got (no mailing just online account info available). She also did the same and locked him out of her computer. If he has nothing to hide, he should not care if you see the history etc.

Have you accused him of cheating before this? Is he acting different or maybe even being nicer and more attentive than before? Be careful, if you accuse without proof, then they get even sneakier!

However, I do not believe that married couples need to share all their passwords and such. Theoretically there should be nothing going on to begin with. But I guess that the internet and cell phones and wifi and laptops has made cheating even easier.

2006-12-18 18:12:27 · answer #6 · answered by sweetsouth 3 · 1 0

YOUR HUSBAND IS HIDING NEGATIVE THINGS FROM YOU! Think about it why does he lock you out of his account? What for? You guys are married and like I tell my husband he gave his rights up the minute we got married and live together. So, he can't throw that privacy card on you because thats not going to work honey. He's probably talking to someone on messenger...that explains the ring sound from the computer. It could be porn or someone he met. My husband's friend drove 6hrs just to see a lover her met on messenger to have sex...the saddest part is that this guy was married and his wife had no idea! Be careful and when he lets his gurad down I would suggest for you to investigate him. If you confront him he's going to lie to you anyway and cause a fight. Search him and confront him with the evidence.

2006-12-18 18:10:07 · answer #7 · answered by ♪♫♫♪ 5 · 1 1

its alright for having his privacy. but he's obviously trying to hide something (or somebody). I'm guessing he is chatting up with women or a certain woman on the internet. DOn't put up with this ask him for the truth. You desurve the truth considering you married him! I've seen a lot of relationships ending because of one of the partner chatting to someone else on the net. How sad. It's not the internet thats the problem, its just that some people cannot be trusted. Kick him where it hurts girlfriend!

2006-12-18 17:50:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2 0

Lock him out of yours and see what he says, then you can confront him on his security or insecurity issue.

As far as a right to pivacy, you both are entilted to be individuals still. You canot share EVERYTHING or thats just plain weird. He has his friends and you have yours which keep you both with your own personalities. Without you actually seeing what is on that PC all you have is an assumption. If you think he is cheating on you or this is bothering you that much, then leave now and go start over.

2006-12-18 17:49:36 · answer #9 · answered by Thumper 5 · 1 0

Sounds like he has a relationship with another women that he is speaking to online. Don't make rash decisions, however, and get mad yet. Before you act suspicious invest in a device that hooks up to the computer (i know they work on regular keyboards but you'll have to search around for the one's that are used on laptops) and their you'll be able to get his passwords. From then on you can log onto his email from any computer and see what's going on. Then you'll also see what he types on his i.m.'s.
He'll surely use the excuse "We were just friends!" or "I made a mistake, it was a one night stand and i was drunk." So be sure to gather enough information like "meet you at 4pm at ur apartment "or "i llove you" before yo uconfront him.

2006-12-18 18:01:05 · answer #10 · answered by thank you come again 2 · 1 0

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