I left him several times in the past, but after his promesis to change I did come back. We have been married for three years now.
At the moment we rent apartment together. I want to stay in the apartment but is so hard to convence him to move out. Do you think is a good idea to move out & just pay for everything on my own, the place where he lives and the new place I will be renting? I'm so worried if he does not pay the bills that I will get a bed credit & will be hard for me to borrow in the future. What shold I do? Please help me. Thank you.
2006-12-18 17:37:12 · 12 answers · asked by brenda29 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Get out. Do not waste one more moment on your life with this man. He will keep you broke the rest of your life. He will stop drinking then start again. He will wipe out your checking account (even one that is in your name only), he will max out the credit cards. You will find yourself 40 years old and still going through the same crap.
DO NOT ruin your life because you are worried about some unpaid bills. You can re-establish your credit. You cannot get back the years you lose of your life trying to "fix" this man.
If your credit is damaged during a divorce, it is excusable in most cases. You will have to write a letter and have it attached to each of the 3 major credit reporting bureaus.
2006-12-18 17:45:19 · answer #1 · answered by maamu 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get separated, file for divorce and still go to Al Anon. It is very common to go to another alcoholic for your next partner. I am not saying you should go forever, but it is important to learn about the illness and how you factor into the equation.
If an alcoholic stops drinking for a time, when they start back up, they will pick right back up where they stopped. An alcoholic stops maturing the moment alcohol becomes a problem for them. So, if your husbands drinking became a problem when he was 22, that is going to be his emotional maturity for the rest of his life. Scary, right?
I am only saying these things from first hand experience. I wish you the best. Get to an al anon meeting or read some of the things from their site. Very helpful organization.
2006-12-19 01:59:24 · answer #2 · answered by Johnny Johnny 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have left him "several times" in the last three years, then it sounds like you have been too soft-hearted. You should have waited to find out if his promises came true, before you went back to him.
Talk to your landlord and see if it's possible to have your name removed from the lease, because you are moving out. If he does that, then if your husband doesn't pay the rent it won't affect your credit rating.
2006-12-19 01:53:06 · answer #3 · answered by Kylie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you will have tough decisions to make. Please realize that this is not your fault. I know that you are torn between staying or leaving, and your emotions are on a painful roller coaster ride. The best solution will come to you. Only you can answer this question...is your credit rating worth risking your emotional health?
First of all, your husband has to realize that he has a problem. He has to want to be able to help himself. It may take some time, but he has to do this on his own. I am not saying that you are doing these things when you are around him...the best thing that you can do is to not enable him when he drinks. Ex: He goes out all night partying and you make breakfast for him, or you hold the puke bucket. Do not feed into his behavior, find things that make you happy. Do not allow yourself to be up all night worried about him. If you consume your time around his disease...it will bring you down as well. Contact AL-ANON, you will meet people that will be there for you.
He has to be willing to attend AA on his own, unless, he is mandated by the court. Ex: DUII. If he chooses to quit drinking, it is up to him to stay away from all triggers. If he attempts to fight this disease alone, he will remain in a dry drunk state. If he seeks recovery...(Remember, relapse is part of recovery)...take things one day at a time.
I know that you are going through the most difficult period in your life, and I feel your pain. It sounds like you will have painful decisions to make, and only you can make them.
2006-12-19 01:44:11 · answer #4 · answered by Nut 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First go see a lawyer and get separation papers. Talk to the apartment owner and tell them you are separating and that either you will get your things and leave or your ex will be responsible for the rent. Talk to your lawyer about this as you can get some help that way. Get your divorce and stay away from him.
2006-12-19 01:44:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First go to an ala-non metting which will help. Can't your husband pay for his own place? He should. Move to your own place and file for a divorse, it is not worth him ruining your credit and having to put up with his drinking, if he was going to quit drinking he would have done so years ago. Best Wishes.
2006-12-19 01:48:53 · answer #6 · answered by Janice 10 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you love your husband, (you leave and go back) but you also want to preserve and protect yourself.
But, please don't let your love for him be more than the love you have for yourself.
Also, if possible seek some type of counseling that is specific to women's issues
Be mindful of your finances at all times; just remember not having a plan is like planning to fail.
It's why men call women with a plan and the will to back it up, cold, conniving, gold-digging beeches.
2006-12-19 02:14:50 · answer #7 · answered by LadyB!™ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hello..young Lady.. first of all ..if you stay at your present rented apartment ...and he move's out...what would happen ..if he was drunk again..and continued coming to your door... would you still feel safe...having him know where you live..when you wish not to see ..or be with anymore..
find another place for yourself... take care of all present bills..
terminate all credit..that you both have together(pay off-cut up..
cancel) start credit profile..for your self..
start your new future... "today is the first day..of the rest of your life..!!. good luck..
2006-12-19 01:48:30 · answer #8 · answered by david 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to file for a divorce and move out. Not in that order. First talk to a lawyer about how to handle the whole thing.
2006-12-19 01:42:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
get your name off the lease get out and file for a legal separation
2006-12-19 01:44:33 · answer #10 · answered by earthgirl766 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋