I'm 20 yrs old and pregnant...should i tell my parents before or after xmas???

Question

I just found out today and I feel awful keeping this a secret but my boyfriend (of 5 years) just said to wait after the holidays so my parents can enjoy it. I'm only 4 weeks along.
I'm also VERY scared to tell them because they are very strict and have high expectations of me. They don't believe in having a child out of wedlock, but my bf and i were going to get engaged in a few months anyway. He's already bought the ring and we're thinking of having him propose for xmas and then tell them a couple weeks after that I'm pregnant.

Don't know what to do!!!!
I've got 5 semesters left of college too....do you think I'll be able to do it?

Answer 1

I like the engagement Idea... then a couple weeks tell them. U may be surprised alot of parents dont freak out like U exspect. Just let them know U know its not the best time but its too late now and that U think they should be happy for U anyway. It may take awhile but they'll come around... remind them that this means Grandma & Grandpa!

Answer 2

I would not get engaged and then tell them, It will be obvious from your dates that you already knew. Your parents aren't idiots. I feel where you are coming from, my now husband and I had been living together for 2 weeks when I found out I was 4 weeks pregnant, I stressed about telling Mum and Dad, but waiting did not make it easier. I told Mum first and then Dad, as he was the one I was really scared of telling. He was surprisingly calm when I told him, His instant expectation was for Hubby and I to announce our engagement, at that point though we were not engaged. If you want to have the baby and intend on raising the baby together as a couple then both be present when the news is broken to your parents. Your boyfriend will have to step up as a man and let your dad know that he loves you and is going to be there for you and the baby. Tell them then that you had already discussed marriage before realising you knew you were pregnant and tell them how you plan to deal with the situation. It is hard and stressfull, your parents will come round and ofcourse they will love their little grandchild. Be strong, wait untill after christmas if you feel better about doing it that way, but you can not avoid the inevetable.

To all the other people answering this that have suggested abortion, told Claire she is too young and suggested shotgun weddings: I was 20 when I discovered I was pregnant for the first time. I told Mum and Dad. My now Husband proposed when I was about 8weeks along(to my surprise) and now 7 years on we have two beautiful children, our own home complete with a mortgage and have not looked back. So the timing is a little off, that doesn't mean the end of the world. We love the fact that we are finished with the baby stuff our friends are just beginning to learn about, that we will still be young when they leave home and that we have done the right thing by our children and raised them together without any regrets.

Answer 3

This is a very tough situation that you are in. First of all, I wish you the best of luck during your pregnancy and hope all goes well. Being so close to Christmas, I would have to agree with your boyfriend and say wait until after Christmas so that everyone can enjoy it and not have to worry about it.

All parents, I think, have the expectation of not having a baby before wedlock but most of them once it happens are just as happy about having a grandchild that they will forgive and take the child in.

I think your boyfriend should propose here soon so you are able to tell them about the pregnancy so that if they wish to be involved with it, they can be.

To finish college will be difficult and will take a lot of dedication on your part. I wish you the best of luck and I hope that you are able to finish your schooling.

Answer 4

I was reading about your situation. I do not really have much advice to give in this arena, except to say that your parents will probably love you no matter what, and it is important to be up front with them. A lot of people wait until after the first three months of a pregnancy to tell anyone because there is less chance that something will happen to the baby after that...so maybe you should just wait and tell them you wanted to be sure it was real before you told them.

That being said, I am answering for another reason. I work for a new television show in Los Angeles . We are searching for people who are facing big moments in life, and who want to surprise their family members and friends with a big announcement.
If you are interested in letting us help you figure out a huge way to tell them, let me know.

My email is [e-mail]. I will be happy to give you more details.

If you are not interested, then I wish you the best of luck with this, and Happy Holidays! Thanks!

Answer 5

Wow, you are me in 1981! We made the mistake of deciding to
tell our families thinking they would be happy for us (he was the boy next door)....both strict Irish and Italian upbringing. I in college, he going for computer field technician. If I had it to do all over again, I would have waited until after the holidays. I was about 2 mos pregnant and they just thought I was a bit chubby. But we were in love, and we were confident. They were very upset and really angry at first, but cooled off afterwards......by degrees. LOL

There is no harm in waiting for the news on the pregnancy, but I would go ahead with the engagement scene. It will probably
soften the other news to come. Hope I could help.

Answer 6

You can do it! And don't be afraid, having a baby was the best thing that ever happened to me. They are so beautiful, and so worth anything you will have to go through. In a few years none of this will even matter all anyone will know is how much they love your beautiful baby. I don't know your parents so I can't tell you when to tell them, but I think they will be more hurt the longer you wait. Especially your mom. I've seen this all before my best friend went through it, and she had to do it alone without her boyfriend. Now she is so happy and has two more and a wonderful husband. I know it is really hard but don't lose hope. You can do it! I hope this helps in some way.

Answer 7

You could wait to tell them especially if you feel it would hurt them during the holidays. Yes they'll be disappointed but from what I've seen most parents get over that fairly quick and then move into discussion and trying to figure a way to get things in order. This situation is nothing new, gone thru it with girlfriends, boyfriends and their girlfriends and even my daughter in law (who by the way waited months before saying anything and she was in college and it took a little longer but she got it all done, she also raised the child with the help of her family not the father of the child, he never showed interest)

so yes I believe you can do it ... you have to believe in yourself and everyone will follow your lead ...

Answer 8

Reality check.

You are 20 studying at college. You have a long term boyfriend and you guys are serious about each other. You are pregnant. Christmas is approaching and you have family to deal with.

I dont think it is too bad to wait till after the holidays (your last ones as a kid!) and let your family enjoy the festive season. At the end of the day there is no escaping your pregnancy. Tell them as soon as you can (this will not be easy but you have to do it!) and at the same time emphasize your commitment to your boyfriend. AND also emphasise that you hope they will stand by you in your decision - you know there are alot of challenges out there but you will be ready to face them if you have family support!

Having a kid is really tough and your life will never be the same again. However I did it and now my little boy IS my life.

Congratulations on your pregnancy - I hope everything works out for you.

Best of luck!

Answer 9

Dear Claire~
I'm very sorry about you having a baby out of wedlock. It must be distressing! My suggestion is to stop chill and plan your steps. do you have the money to support your family? can your boyfriend support you?? once you have that straightened out remeber your parents christmas might not be the best time to tell them about the baby tell them about the engagement though show the ring they must consider it serious!! then tell them about the baby once you have decided on what to do there are there choices 1 abortion ( i don't think that is the best choicebut..) 2 adoption and 3 have the baby and deppen on your family for childcare. remeber your choosing your destiny!! think about the baby , you and your husband to be your parents his parents !!
don't wait until signs of the baby show to tell them!! they will feel left out and hurt trust me you do nt want them hurt at this time family will be the driving force to help you in the end godluck with all of your problems i hope i helped

Answer 10

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