my husband is from india, he hasn't gone to see his family since he first came here 10 years ago. he left yesterday and he spent tons of money on gifts and candy. i am very happy he got to go home to see his family i truely am but why take so much stuff and i have wondered if his family could be pressuring him to marry an indian girl there he has began to act different and brought up the culture and his mother, but he didn't just say it. i love my husband but i cant stop these crazy feelings help!!
2006-12-18 16:18:46 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I imagine he took things back because India is a poor country and anything that he brings would be truly appreciated.
Just focus on the fact that your husband married you and let go of your feelings that you are not what his mother would have wanted.
2006-12-18 16:23:26 · answer #1 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
My husband is also from India. I totally understand the feelings you are having as well as the insecurity. Indian families still are not always thrilled to have an American daughter-in-law (to say the least!) However, it has been my experience that once the marriage has taken place and they get to know the DIL they will accept her and treat her as part of the family. I wonder why you didn't go along with your husband to meet his family? You may want to consider a trip to India in the near future so they can get to know and love you!
Ten years is a very long time to not see ones family so it does sound like mayber there were some hard feelings after the marriage. The most important thing to remember is - this isn't about you. It is difficult but try not to take it personally that the family was upset or disappointed. Remember his mother was probably planning how she would select a girl for him from the day he was born and he took that away from her by finding his own bride.
The fact that he brought loads of items when he went home really means nothing! Everytime we went to India we also would hit Costco and load up on chocolates and jewelry and perfume and pens and all sorts of stuff! Indians have tons of people who are considered "close" relatives and after ten years abroad it would be expected that he would bring something to give to ALL of them! It is a sign of affection and that you were thinking of them.
As far as his mother is concerned - the only way to get around the situation is to have her get to know you and feel part of the whole situation. Maybe you can arrange a big reception in India for them to invite all their friends and family (like the wedding she always wanted). She can then dress up her DIL in expensive saris and jewelry and show her off! If you give her a chance she will probably enjoy the novelty of having you for a DIL - besides it gives her lots to talk about with her friends!
Good Luck. There are great aspects to being in an inter-cultural relationship (and the kids will be so cute!) It does take some understanding and kindness.
2006-12-18 17:13:56 · answer #2 · answered by CV 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First things first Jesse, doesn't your husband's family know about your marriage?
If they don't then your husband should tell them. If he doesn't then he doesn't love you enough and you should think about your relationship.
Secondly if he also loves you then he'll definitely tell them about your marriage and no-one can pressurise him to marry an Indian girl. It would be illegal also.
See he's gone home after a long time ( a decade) so its natural that he has taken gifts for his family. Don't you give gifts to your near and dear ones?
If he is spending money on his family and friends you should not feel bad because Indians have a different culture where there are still joint family system and people are still close knit as a result even his sister's or cousin's children will be treated with love and the candies would help him in bridging that 10 yr. old gap. Nevertheless it should not give you cold feet as they are his relatives, you are the wife. He is visiting them you'll live with him.
2006-12-18 16:46:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its only because when you return from a foreign land your family expects to bring home some things from the country where the person has lived so long.Dont worry about your marriage .Its safe ,Indians have a lot of respect and love for their loved ones especially you being their daughter -in-law would be the most loved.I think you could have experienced it once you would have reached there and seen it yourself.So the next time you get a chance of visiting India dont leave it.And then only can you realize what is India.They are not as the western media has propogated.Never can such thoughts come to your mind if you visit it once.You would even forget to return to your own land.Believe me....
2006-12-18 16:42:06 · answer #4 · answered by tej 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi.......
I dont agree with royalhinney at all india is not a poor country at all ur husband must have taken all these gifts to make his family really really happy coz for we indians family is very important aspect of life we always want our family to be happy and regarding his marriage in india the question never arises coz as i said family is very important for an indian then how can he leave u coz u r also the part of his family now. So just skip the thought of his marriage and keep loving him as u do. I hope u understand his feeling for his family.............
Keep loving god bless u
good day.................
2006-12-18 16:50:13 · answer #5 · answered by pearly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear Jessi, what CV has told is very correct. Plan a trip to India at teh earliest. And if you really love your husband so much, be ready ready to comprise a few things like a bit of your ego, a little bit of comforts etc. when you visit his home, because most Indian families are adjusted to living a simple life specially if it is in Rural India. You can certainly win over his family by your Love and affection. Best of luck.
2006-12-18 18:04:16 · answer #6 · answered by SGraja 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont worry..I am from India and its in the culture/tradition to give your family things and especially if you live elsewhere and going back home, a lot is expected in terms of materialistic things as people over there have notions that things in a foreign country are really good or something like that...i don't know what you are talking about him marrying an Indian girl....but don't they know about your marriage???
2006-12-18 16:27:54 · answer #7 · answered by mark v 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey dont worry jesi.....thrs nothing to worry abt ur marriage,if they know abt ur marriage they ll never force ur hub to marry again.indians cant even think of that.next time visit ur inlaws place with ur hub and feel the family loving u.and dont worry about the money he spend..its just like u gifting something to ur friends n near ones.afterall he is visiting them after a long long gap....its just a token of love n not coz its a poor country...actually india is rich in its culture n heritage.once u visit them u ll also feel like carrying gifts the next time:).be happy!!!come n feel the love jesi!!!
2006-12-18 17:22:45 · answer #8 · answered by lillzzz 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
India has various cool stuff which attracts many people. you have India Gate in Delhi, Taj Mahal in Agra to Kanyakumari. So, be specific wherein section you prefer to pass and what style of stuff attracts you. we can then furnish added information.
2016-10-05 12:01:50 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
trust me lady..an indian would never ditch his wife .....not that easily..believe him and dont carry doubt...wish you a very happy married life with my brother...
2006-12-18 17:29:40 · answer #10 · answered by maninsearch 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋