Is this mean and cruel?

Question

I'm gay and I have only 2 gay friends. Everyone always tells me I'm the most str8 acting guy they've ever met, and I'm very picky, I only have 2 gay friends because they are the only 2 ones who are as straight acting as I am. I know some other gay guys, but I just don't talk to guys who look gay. One time, I went to a restaurant, and real gay guy who was working there came up to me and my friend and say HI. I was 0K with it. But there was this time my dad insisted to go to that restaurant where that really fem gay guy was working. I was hoping he wouldn't be there, but he was there. I saw him, and I knew he was coming to say HI.
I immediately stood up, headed for the door, and he followed, when he got close to me, I veyr angrily said he better not come and say HI to me when I was with my dad.

One of my friends says it was not a cool thing to do, the other says he'd do the same thing.

Was I out of line?

Answer 1

Yes, it was out of line, but I understand how you could be that uncomfortable. Many times its easy to become uncomfortable to the point of paranoia, it just happens. The fact that you choose straight acting friends shows what your comfortable around and shows your not "out." This means that anytime your starting to be exposed, you become afraid and lash out. While immature, you haven't hurt anyone physically, just emotionally :// So, besides owing the guy an apology, I'd say you were okay if you learn from this lesson.

Answer 2

Would you panic if the waiter had only one arm?
Would you be repulsed if the waiters face were
disfigured in some way? Would you be up set
if the waiter were black.??
You could probably say no to all of these,
because you aren't reacting out of fear.
You need to come to grips with the real problem.
You suffer from homosexual homophobia.
Well guess what??The world isn't perfect.
There is hate, there is pain, there is loss.
Take a step back and look at the perfect little
world you are trying to create. It can't happen!
Society won't let it happen. There's just no way
to keep this secret. Others have tried and failed.
Why cut yourself off from reality, joy, fun, friends,
love, and all that being real with life has to offer??
When you are confident in yourself, others can
be also. No one is going to die if you make a mistake.
There is nothing love and acceptence can't make right.
Living in fear, is a half life, living in shadows.
Step up and be a man. Accept yourself for who and what
you are. Learn to accept others. No matter what.
Try to have some respect for those who have gone before you.
The streets are lined with their blood. Are you too young to know?
The life you have chosen isn't just about you! Who ever you are with will have to dance this little ballet also. Give it some thought.
What's the worst thing that could happen if you were just honest and open in all you do.?? Maybe you would feel so good about yourself, you could afford to be kind to others.
It doesn't cost a thing. There is much to learn grasshopper.

Answer 3

Not exactly. You weren't doing to be mean to the guy, you were just trying to protect yourself but you can't expect people to understand that. Unless you plan on running around giving everyone a complicated explanation for your actions, a lot of people are going to think you're just a weird jerk with a problem. If that doesn't bother you then keep doing what you're doing. If you don't want to upset people or hurt any feelings then don't be so dramatic next time and just say 'hi'. Maybe you can apologize to the guy next time you see him and let him know why you reacted so badly and that you realize it's not his fault. If you're going to be uptight about being gay you need to find a polite and balanced way of dealing with situations like that or else you will not come across as a nice person even if you are one.

Answer 4

I don't think the fem guy was the problem. I think your Dad was the problem. Does he know that you are gay? It doesn't appear that way. If he does know and obviously accepts you for who you are and you still mistreated the waiter, I'd say you were rude. If he doesn't know and you were trying to protect your lifestyle from your Dad, then I could understand that kind of reaction. I think you have an image problem about being gay and you may try to cover it up by being and hanging out with straight-acting guys. I think I would have just said "Hi" to the guy. Your dad probably wouldn't have thought anything about it. You could have been nicer and quiet about it and let things ride out. You made a mountain out of a mole hill.

Answer 5

Depends. Was he really flirty with you before, or did he just say hi and talk for a minute about normal stuff and then leave?

I can see being embarrassed with your Dad there while some really fem guy you don't even like starts flirting with you (especially if you don't even like him). But if was just to come say "hi. What're you doing" or something and you said "I'm just here eating with my family (etc)" and that was about it then I'm not sure if you needed to get all angry with him.

I understand not being attracted to fem guys, if you're not into them. It's just the attraction you have, but I don't see the big deal about treating them the same way you'd treat anyone else you're not romantically interested in. I mean would you have reacted the same way if it was some girl you knew? Or some other random guy you knew that wasn't fem?

If he was just saying hi and wasn't going to flirt or anything then maybe it's more about other things. Your Dad knows you're gay, right? So maybe you're afraid your Dad will think you're like that really fem guy since you're both gay and being fem is a total gay stereotype? I don't really know the reason, but maybe you overreacted for other reasons than just that you didn't like they guy.

I'd think it's not that big a deal in the long run even if you were rude to him, but maybe a longer term-thing if you have other issues that are bringing the reaction up.

Best luck.

Answer 6

You were both rude and judgmental. Just because you are so called 'str8 acting' does not give you an excuse to demean other people. Since you say that you only have 2 gay friends and one of them says that what you did was not cool, I seriously think you need to take a hard look at yourself and question why you are angry against other gay people without knowing anything about who they are. By your attitude, I am surprised you even have these 2 friends since you initially appear to dislike anyone different from yourself.

Answer 7

Have you come out to your dad? If not, perhaps you ran from the situation since your dad may have gotten suspicious or worse could have happened because you feel guilty for not coming out. If you have, then perhaps you ran away so that your dad wouldn't see you as this fem gay guy. You obviously have a distaste for this behavior and didn't want him to lump all gay men in this same category. You were pretty rude to that guy. Imagine if one of your 2 gay friends treated you that way in front of their dad. You owe this guy an apology. After the way society has treated him (and you know how bad it can be) he needs to find acceptance in as many friendly faces as possible.

Answer 8

Yea, that was pretty out of line, and it made it look like you're ashamed of being gay. I can understand your distaste for men who put on that flouncy pouffy act; I don't prefer hanging out with those kind of people either, if only because it seems incredibly put-on and that in itself makes me uncomfortable. It's like they're saying 'LOOK AT ME!' all the time. Anyway, aside from that, you did overreact. You should have just looked at him with disinterest and said, 'Oh, hi...' or some other more subtle way of inferring that you weren't thrilled to see him. And like that other answerer said, remember that the staff in a restaurant have access to your food before you do, so definitely think twice before you ever eat there again; you never know what you'll be chowing down on after that incident!

Answer 9

Yes you were so totally cruel and out of line.I mean its ok for you to act straight when your gay i do the samething but i dont go around screaming at people because there gay and fem my bf is gay and hes a fem and i still love him.But the right thing to do in the situtation you were in was to ignore it and just say hi back i mean how hard is it to say hi?Sorry im not being mean but i got mad after reading this.If your gay just act how you want aslong as your comfortable with yourself but you dont need to judge other gay people out there that act fem.

Answer 10

well I'm gay and I only have one gay friend, and that friend and I don't even talk about "gay" things at all.....so I can understand where you're coming from there; however, I think it was a bit wrong to leave completely. You seriously overacted there, like a total drama queen. I'll admit, there are times that I see more effiminate gay guys that speak to me and I want to run away or completely avoid them, but I don't. That's just plain mean....You should've politely said hello, and then continued the conversation with your father...That would've been an appropriate action. The guy wasn't trying to grab your crotch and kiss your neck. He was just saying hello....whooptie ******* doo..........