Will he ever marry me or should I move on?

Question

I have been with the same wonderful guy for over 4 years. He is cute, smart and atheletic. He is wonderful in all ways but one. We have been together for awhile, and he still doesn't know what he wants.
I know what I want, and I just don't know what I should do.
This past April I moved in with him, and now I am not sure what he wants. I know that I love him, but I don't know how much longer I can stay with him being so unsure of what he wants. Am I putting to much pressure on him, or am I being stupid. I want to move forward in our relationship, and take it to the next level, you know get married, and have a family. I am not getting any younger (26) and I want to have a family while I am still young enough to enjoy it.

Answer 1

I truly believe that the reason people stay together is out of comfort. If after even 1 year, if you don't agree on a game plan then you probably never will.

If he knows what you want, and you're still left in the dark, then that's more than likely going to be code for he's just biding his time. Its possible that there's a reason (he wants to secure finances, doesn't believe in marriage, doesn't want to marry young but does love you) but more than likely he's not mentally going where you are.

Its sad to say, but love is not enough. You have to want the same things. So you have to choose, are you willing to keep waiting around? Or do you want to actively pursue this getting married, having a family, securing a future, building a life?

I wish you luck sweetie.

Answer 2

You're not the type of girl to wait around for Prince Charming. You know what you want, so why not ask for it? Here are some thoughts on how to propose to the man in your life.

Instructions
•STEP 1: Know your beloved well and anticipate his response. Will he be swept away by this romantic gesture? Or could he feel threatened by a woman's proposing marriage? (If so, you may want to reconsider.)
•STEP 2: Set the stage. Pick his favorite place - whether you consider it romantic or not - to pop the question. This might be a secluded camping site, a fancy restaurant, a golf course at sunset ... or even a sports bar. Let your love's taste be your guide.
•STEP 3: Keep your plans flexible. You may have an evening of French cuisine and fine wine in mind; he may be in the mood for burgers and beer. Unless your plans involve other people or events, go with the flow.
•STEP 4: Make a splash if your beloved appreciates the theatrical. Put your question up in lights at a ballgame, or bring in a soloist to croon over pasta.
•STEP 5: Keep the occasion subtle if your honey tends to like things more subdued. Pop the question over dessert or during a private game of pool.
•STEP 6: Bring or plan an engagement gift. Sure, you could get him a ring, but a puppy with a note tied around its neck might be a better choice. Or a motorcycle. Something that will last for a long time.
•STEP 7: Give him some time to be surprised and tongue-tied. Remember, even though he loves you for the unconventional woman you are, he probably won't see this one coming.

Tips & Warnings
•If you've already been dropping hints and he hasn't been receptive, don't use a proposal to force the issue. Your attempt at romance may backfire.

Answer 3

I have been in this exact situation. I have been with my borfriend now for 9 1/2 years. We started dating in high school (I am now 26) and although we never moved in together, we have been in a committed, monogamous relationship this entire time. Around the four year mark I started to wonder if he would ever marry me. He assured me that he loved me but that we were too young. As the years dragged on I started to get frustrated and felt like I was wasting my time with him. Then all of a sudden it's like something snapped in him and he can't wait to get married and have kids. We got engaged last December, and now our deposits are paid and we're just ironing out the final details for our April wedding.
Just hang in there. I think it's just a little different for guys. I read an article a couple months ago that said that guys don't even begin to think about marriage until they feel established and financially stable. I think that you should have an open discussion with him. Make sure that marriage is something that he eventually wants and if he feels that you may be the one for him. But if he acts indifferent, or doesn't give you any indication that marriage is an option, you may have to cut him loose. Good luck!

Answer 4

You need to sit down and have a serious talk with your guy about both of your wants out of life. Maybe getting married and starting a family isn't what is important to him. If you guys have completely different ideas of where your life should be heading, maybe it is the time for you to go your separate ways, no matter how much you love each other. There will be someone out there who shares your values and wants the same things as you. It is not worth feeling like your life is passing you by to be with someone who you cannot change.

Answer 5

I think your feelings are perfectly normal.My answer to question is this: If hes scared to commit that is normal and it is something he should get over but if he is not marrying you because he knows he's not completely done scouting potential partners then you've got a problem.You have been with him 4 years, it's time for answers. I mean a girl dreams of getting asked for marriage not beggin for it.That takes away the romance too.I think you should talk to him about it and then if no progress, tell him you need some space from him for a while.If he comes back then it was meant to be.This will give him time to think about what he really wants and if he can really let go of you.Hope this helps.

Answer 6

Don't waste your life on a jerk!! I've done that and I hate him more and more each day! (I have been with this guy for 16 years, have 2 kids and he still don't know what he wants) To make a long story short, I have decided I have had enough and I'm moving on....my advise is to move on too, you will find someone out there who will want you and appreciate you.

Answer 7

If you are not getting what you want from this relationship, while it's hard to do, maybe you should just move on. You can't make him feel something he doesn't (when we force these things, they usually end up backfiring in our faces). If he does really want you, maybe this is just the kick in the pants he needs. If he ends up rethinking things and realizes that you are exactly what he wants, then great. If not, you will be well on your way to getting over him and moving on to what you want. Why let him be the one to decide your future. Why not make that choice for yourself? It may be the wisest thing you ever do. Good Luck!

Answer 8

I have been in your shoes and every year is 1 year longer with no committment. I think you should ask him up front if he plans on a committment. Give him until after the new year just in case he plans on giving you a ring between now and Jan 1st.
Ask him what the plans are for your future, and if he has none. them move on while you are young and beautiful. You can always find someone else.

Answer 9

You said that you have been with this guy for 4 years, I think that is enough time, for him to want to marry you or not, and your already living together, my always say why buy the cow when you get the milk for free. I think your old enough to know what I am talking about.

Answer 10

The old saying comes to mind..."why buy the cow when you get the milk for free". You are living like your are married, but without the ring and the vows. Why would he want to make it legit if he's already reaping the rewards?

After 4 years, I think a person should know if they want to spend the rest of their lives with someone or not.