what do you do when there are feelings involved with an ex?

Question

it is very hard to push my feelings to the side....i was with my babys dad for 6 years and we were abusive twards each other...he swears that he has changed and wants to start off very slow...but i cannot forgive him for what he has put me and my 2 children through....i hate him at times and then again i also love him still very much....we have been apart now for 1 year and i truely want to believe that he has changed but then again i still remember how he use to be....is this normal to feel like this???i am very confused please help and do not think i would put my childern through this again....what do you think that i should do?????

Answer 1

Run like hell baby.....he is your ex for a reason. These type of guys only act somewhat decent when they want something and in this case it is you he wants. Once you give in, he will go back to his abusive ways. Its like the jail birds who say how much they have changed and will even walk around with a bible in their hand but once they are out of jail they are back to their old ways within a couple of weeks.

Answer 2

There's no way you can find true love with the memories of your ex cluttering your thoughts. The following steps will help you to move on.

Instructions
•STEP 1: Talk to your friends.
•STEP 2: Get clear with your ex. If there are a lot of unresolved issues involving money, possessions, etc., clear them up.
•STEP 3: Distract yourself. Movies, sightseeing, outdoor activities, games and a good book are all possibilities.
•STEP 4: Take up a new hobby or enroll in some classes.
•STEP 5: Exercise - put your mind on something new, like training for a marathon, improving your tennis game, or working on those abs.
•STEP 6: Work hard. Work can be a great distraction, especially if you feel like you're accomplishing something.
•STEP 7: Indulge yourself. Chocolates, massages, facials, shopping sprees - whatever helps make you feel good about yourself.
•STEP 8: Date other people.

Tips & Warnings
•Clean breaks are generally better. Take some time away from your ex, even if you plan to remain friends. Try not to have sex after the breakup.
•Spend time in places where you might meet interesting people, either online or in person.
•While you're upset, don't do anything you'll regret later.

Answer 3

It is natural to have feelings for him. He is the father of your children. You know what they say about absence making the heart grow fonder though. You said you were both abusive to each other. Have you changed also ? I honestly think that you have forgotten a lot of what you put each other through as you have been apart for a year. I am sure that you are confused about your feelings for him but you have made the break, do you really want to go through all that again ? Think of your children. Do they deserve to put up with all that abusive behavour again ? Unless he can prove that he has genuinely changed his ways and you know you have changed also l would say it would be better for all involved if you did not get back together. Good luck and Merry Xmas to you all.

Answer 4

Sweetie, he's abbusive, he can't just magically change, being abbusive runs in his blood, he says he changed & begs you to come back to him, only because you two had a history together & share a child. If you do go back to him, although I don't recomend it, because alot of women like you give thier abbusive men second chances & it always ends up even uglier. It's only been a year, ofcourse you'll still be locked in that phase where you miss your ex, it's normal, give yourself time at least, try to think clearly & really give it time, if your ex really did change, he'll keep on beggin' you & with time, you'll know if he really did change, one year is not enough for someone who's abbusive, he's probably just weak & misses you, that's why the aggressivness isn't showing.
Becareful.

Answer 5

Emotional ties are very hard to break.....What you are feeling is normal.....the love/hate feelings are normal....I would be very very careful if I were you....I commend you for thinking of your children and saying you would not put them through that again....Stick to your guns even though it is hard.......I was married for 23 yrs been divorced for 3 now....just got dumped for the 2nd time by my ex 2 days ago.....We cant seem to leave each other alone even though we are so toxic to one another.....
Hang in there and let your head lead you when your heart is trying to take you where you are sure.....
When in doubt.....DONT ! Good luck

Answer 6

you should give it some more, no need to rush into another bad relationship, i have two kids with my ex husband and he is horrible to me and my oldest daugther, he thinks the world resolves around him, but i cant help myself i still love him. and i always think about what it will be like to be with him again and then he pisses me off. give it some time just to make sure its right

Answer 7

you know what its really hard to forget the past heartache he gave to you especially his your husband..to be honest iam same with your situation but i have to let him go.i still ove him and miss so much.but i have to be strong for all what he done to me and for my kids.i hate him but i still love him.its hard to think that you love your husband still after all the pain he gave to you...my exhusband gave me such heartache,cheated me,lier,having babies with diffrent girls i kust knew it a few months ago..its really like crashing your heart but i still keep on praying that god will take him back fr good to change even if were not meant or each other or will be together again...sometimes god break us to remake us..i admit im not a strong person iam weak but i keep on praying for all the trials and struggles come in my life...i want to see him but i left my words to him not bother me and my kids life..its like hard to hold with my words,while im saying that i know i still want to talk to him but still the pain much higher than the love..i forgave him honestly but i wont forget the pain he gave to me..sometimes im thinking if i was already forgive him but i guess not much cause still remember the pain he gave to me...be strong and be pray!

Answer 8

observe his actions, as words are just cheap. he may have changed, just be careful, don't let him come back unless u know for sure based on actions, not talk, as talk is cheap, and promises mean nothing unless he can back them up.

Answer 9

If you cannot completly forgive him, or forget the past....it will not work out.....when you would argue.....you would bring up the past, and throw it in his face......seek God for advice, ask and you shall recieve.....God loves you.

Answer 10

PLEASE be strong. Do NOT put yourself thru what you experienced in the past. It's not fair to you OR your children.
You WANT to believe him. But please DONT! Break the cycle of abuse!