Question for the married men out there?

Question

What made you decide to get married? do you think there is an approiate age to get married (maturity level)? How long did you date your spouse before you jumped the broom?
Just trying to determine if I am wasting my time with this guy i'm dating.

Answer 1

When we met in 1990, I was 20 and she was 17 and about to enter her senior year of High School. We dated casually for a year and then realized that we probably had a future, Engaged in 1993, married in 1995 and have been married ever since (I was 25-she was 22).

At the time before getting engaged, most of my close friends were not involved in serious relationships and wanted to experience single life and find themselves before seeking their other 1/2. Rather they were casualy dating a variety of people.

It was a bit confusing for me because on one hand I saw them experiencing different people and it seemed fun but I knew I didnt want to go out on dates with different women each week and it just wasn't my thing. Plus I was into my girlfriend and very sentimental, so I got ready to propose.

Is there an appropriate age for marriage? ...then Kids?....It's hard to say because different people have different maturity levels and plans for their life. I would say not to rush into either without great thought and consideration.

In the first few years of marriage, there were moments I regretted not dating more and experiencing more (like as if I missed something ), But those thoughts tended to be fleeting. They got me thinking, but logic always brought me back to earth.

Now with 2 kids (6 & 1), it all worked out real well. There would have been fun aspects of it having ended up dating alot and having married later, but I wouldn't trade what I did now for anything.

I dont know enough abour your sitiuation to know whether either of you are willing or ready for broom jumping cermeonies. Ask him and yourself why you would get married and also what things would he miss in life as a result. Also, what would clearly be improve by being married. If he has trouble answering or runs the other way, then there is your answer.

Because if he cant get to the point where he can at least open up and share his feelings or if you need to constantly needle or pry just to get them to tell you whats on their mind (and that annoying person is not who you are either, right?), then it seems as if that may always be a problem and be a source of frustration for you for a long time to come as you will never know what's on his mind. You may never know his intentions until he just gets up and does whatever's on his mind (much to your shock at the time because you didn't see it coming).

I am sure he's a good guy and don't want you to be come jaded or discouraged, but just use your sense and try to get him to share his thoughts and feelings.

Best of luck to you Sistah.

Answer 2

I decided to get married at the age of 20. Too young?....maybe. I don't regret it for a minute though. I met my wife when I was 14 and dated 6 years before we got married. Trust your heart...sounds cliche but nobody else can determine how you feel. Don't let anybody tell you what you should or shouldn't do. If it was up to my family I wouldn't have gotten married but I have a great wife and an awesome 2 year old to show fo it. As far as maturity goes.. there are immature people of all ages...as they say age is just a number. It's true when it comes to men for sure. Good Luck.

Answer 3

I don't think age has anything to do with it, because I know people around 18-19 who are more mature than some 30 year olds. What made me decide to get married, I love my wife and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.

We dated for 3 years beore we got married. We started dating during our Senior year of High School, and have been together since.

As far as if your wasting your time, how does he treat you? Is being respectful to you and putting you before himself? Because if he is, that's a very good thing.

Answer 4

I got engaged about 9 months after I started dating my wife, but we were engaged for about a year and a half before we got married.

But I think you're asking the wrong questions. Why do you worry that you might be wasting your time with this guy? If you're even asking the question the answer is 'yes.' Clearly you haven't decided this is the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with. He's apparently not sweeping you off your feet. So either hang out and enjoy it or move on without him, but don't wait around. It probably won't happen.

Answer 5

I think there are a lot of reasons a guy gets married, and for me, having had three wives, there were three different reasons. Twice, frankly, it was sex, but for the last one it's been companionship. It's a matter of age, mostly.

When I was twenty-five, I fell in love with a child-woman who offered novelty in bed. We dated four very short months. She was anxious to get married, I wasn't so. It lasted a year. Just as a point of interest, she left me when I wouldn't agree to participate in wife-swapping (that was the 70s).

Then I met a divorced woman a bit older than I, but both of us in our mid-thirties, and we had a torrid relationship for over two years, until she finally agreed to marry me. It was a complicated relationship having a lot to do with money, and frankly, madness. After seven years, I think we had run the course on the still superb sex and found we had little else in common. I was basically penniless and she was on the verge of inheriting over a million dollars. But I left her for faithlessness to me, and we both decided it was a good idea to divorce.

My wife today was someone who just wouldn't go away once we met. I mean that in a nice way. So, since she was so devoted to sticking to me, and I'd just gotten the divorce mentioned above and didn't relish more lonely days and nights, I married her after about five months. We had one date and one trip together in that time, but she was easy to have around. She's still easy to have around today, but there's no passion in our marriage. We're "friends," which is just what she wanted, and nothing more, really.

So, if you can take anything from my experience, a decision to marry is a highly variable thing. Why get married at all, how long do you wait to do it, how old are you, all are subject to individual needs, ideas, hopes, etc., etc. Most of us just do it when it seems right and we're in love. If you think or fear you're wasting your time, you probably are, and you shouldn't even be seeing him if that's your attitude about a relationship. Time is not important. He and you are, and your lives together or apart are..

Answer 6

I worked in the cafeteria in the girls' dorm through college and dated a lot. I took sociology and psychology classes on the topics of marriage and family. I wanted a wife that came from a stable family as I did and that has siblings. I was the oldest child and wanted an oldest child to marry. I preferred a blue collar family for in laws that valued education highly and that was industrious and ambitious. A teacher like my mother with artistic talent and practice in domestic arts. My fiance and I knew each other for several years, dated several months and were engaged for about nine months of our senior year in college.
Before we married in August, 1966, my wife had completed her bachelors degree in music education and I was in my 6th year as an undergraduate with the language requirement to complete but with many more credits than I needed for the degree.
We waited to have children until 30 and traveled, bought sports cars and motorcycles and then settled down to raise of family while working in group homes for delinquents and emotionally disturbed kids.
We have been married for over 40 years.
One more thing, my wife has a face that is still beautiful and that I never tire of seeing.

Answer 7

My wife and I were together for three years before we got married, but we were engaged for almost two years. It was just a scheduling problem, so we decided to set a date far enough to give people enough notice, as many had to travel a significant distance. We decided to get married because we were in love. That was almost eight years ago, and the road has not always been a smooth one, but I wouldn't trade her for anything in the world.

Answer 8

I dont think my experience should in any influence your decision about staying with someone or not... but here goes:

Was married after 1 year of meeting my wife
Any guy under 26 is not ready to get married.... IMHO

I decided to get married cause I loved her and we wanted to start a family.

Dont try rushing into marriage - wheres all the pressure coming from??

Answer 9

We lived together for a long time and we were both happy with that.

But then we decided we wanted children and we wanted to be married before we had them.

So we got married and it's been a really good life.

I think a good relationship is when both people are on the same page and want to be together.

Answer 10

If U have to ask that question then I think there's not much feeling there. Sounds like all U want is a husband. My most excellent lady and I were together 16 years & 5 kids b4 we married. Us being married actually changed nothing in our relationship. It was a gret party though.