My wife is a stay at home mom for our 2 year old. I work 60 hours a week. Should I have to do house work?

Question

She gets mad because I don't change diapers or clean on a daily basis. I provide for the family and I feel I have done everything that I can. Most evenings I am too tired to do much but I do what I can. She says being a stay at home mom is the hardest job, but when I come home and she can tell me everything that was on tv that day I don't much believe it. Please tell me if I am crazy or if she is just lazy. Thanks.

Answer 1

I am a stay at home mom. My daughter is almost 2. This is the hardest job I have ever had. I used to work two jobs and work about 60-80 hours a week (no joke) and I have never been more tired at the end of the day than I am now. My husband does not change diapers, he does not go through potty training all day. You know what he does do. He tells me to go visit my sister with my daughter and while I am gone he cleans the house from top to bottom. Shampoos carpets everything. He has been doing this about every other week. He works anywhere from 40-60 hours a week graveyard. And he never compains when our house is not in tip top shape. I have also talked to moms that work out of the home and have tried to be a stay at home mom but it was so much easier to work then come home to the kids. I do it for my daughter and would not want to give it up for anything. Its the hardest and most rewarding job I've ever had. Another thing I recently got a job (that I take my daughter with me) one day a week and it really seems to help. It breaks up my week and I seem to be in better spirits and have more energy to do household stuff.

Answer 2

Hello mtk0510 !

Wow, you work 60 hrs a week, and your wife is a stay at home mom; it sounds like you're both running on empty. Both of you are very lucky that she's a stay at home mom; most of my friends had to head back to work after a few months, and hire a stranger to "care" for their child !

Well, you never said if your house was clean, or if dinner was prepared. If by chance you come home, and the house is a wreck, and no dinner's on the table, then perhaps there's a problem.. I understand that she's not a " Stepford wife " , but more often than not, you should be coming home to a clean home with a plate on the table. I'm old fashioned, or as some would call me fair; if a man is going to work 60 hrs a week, the house should be clean, and there should be something to eat !

Being a mom is a 24 hr, 7 day a week, 365 days a year job; I was a stay at home mom, and I'm currently unemployed..

You are working your butt off at a job 60 hrs a week, you don't get to spend enough time with your family, and when you do, you're exhausted, so it really doesn't qualify as quality time..

I understand how you, and your wife feels, but to be honest, and realistic, some thing's got to give; and in this case, I think it's both of you to a certain defree, OK ?

Personally, I don't think you should do any daily cleaning, that would be asking too much; but how about taking out the garbage on your way out, or changing your bundle of joy while she's sleeping? Those are small things, but they'll make a difference, and she'll notice that you're trying.

Is this your first child? It sounds like it is; you, and your wifes complaints aren't shocking; many first time parents have similar grievances. It all boils down to being taken for granted.

The truth is; being a stay at home mom, isn't very technical work, however, you're isolated from your friends, you can't do much, and you're at you bosses (baby's) beck and call. It's more emotionally draining tham anything, and it can sometimes lead to depression.

The truth is, many (most?) men don't see being a mother as work, plain and simple. When "hubby" (that's you) goes to work, at the end of the week you bring home the bacon ! There is proof that you worked ! Someone actually paid you to do it ! Meanwhile, "wifey"(your sweetie) has been home all day, and hasn't been able to do anything undisturbed, and on top of that, she has to play, feed, wash, rock to sleep , and change her boss( you baby).


Who's job is harder? Which is more demanding ? Is it both driving you crazy ? It sure does sounds like it.

Welcome to parenthood ! *smile*
It would be great if you guys could switch places for a few weeks; I'm quite sure that you both would discover a newfound appreciation for one anothers jobs.

You both are in dire need of a break, away from the baby !, it'll help, along with you two helping each other.

Love, light, and peace,
tishy

Answer 3

Try staying home and doing what your wife does ALL day. Yes being a stay at home mom is VERY difficult. SHE is the one providing ALL of the nurtring for YOUR child, she is the one who does YOUR laundry, She cooks for YOU. She cleans the house so that when YOU come home you can relax without having to trip over messes and junk. And to top it off she does this not FIVE days a week not just 60 hous a week but 24/7! YOU work for 60 hours a week, then you go home and are "dad" for whatever time is left. SHE is a mother SEVEN days a week TWENTY FOUR hours a day and on top of that she has the cooking and the cleaning to take care of. YOU have one job SHE has at the very least THREE that SHE does EVERY SINGLE DAY OF THE YEAR. YOU get weekends off, YOU get holidays off...YOU get a vacation. If you ask me...YOU are the lazy one.

Answer 4

You have no idea how tiring it is to take care of a toddler all day while trying to keep up your house. Do you have any idea how much ENERGY a toddler has???? I don't think that helping her when you get home is too much to ask. If nothing else, help give your child a bath at night. Put your dishes in the dishwasher after supper. I think one or two little things would make her happy. I stay home with my soon-to-be 2 year old (I run my own piano studio out of my home in the afternoons and am also a pianist at a church here) I can't tell you how grateful I am if my husband will just fold a basket of clothes or empty the dishwasher or just give our daughter a bath while I catch up on a few things like lesson plans or the choir's music for church. You both deserve some down time, but be willing to help her.

Answer 5

ok heres the thing, i understand what you are saying and how you work really hard. but at the same time, when you become a father or a mother..you have 2 jobs no matter what. and you have to watch the kids once in a while and change their diapers. i really do understand what you are saying and how she is home so why doesnt she get it done but really..you should take off of work one day and do your wifes job as a stay at home mom and see how you can get everything done. and not have her help you. just be a father. good luck with everything. <3 lisa

ps. she does seem a little lazy and how does she have time to watch tv when she is taking care of a 2 year old?!

Answer 6

Just because you work does not give you the roght to not do anything at home. It is your responsibilty as much as hers toraise the kids clean up after them and to help keep a tidy and organized house she is not your made or nanny she is your wife
start treating her with some respect because I bet if she went back to work and you satyed at home you wouldn't be able to handle what she does all day. Stop your whining your a husband a dad and the provider is the last thing you should be concerned with at this time you are showing your baby that he doesn't matter daddy works to much to spend time with his child. Its very common when children are neglected by a parent they
start resenting them because all they care about is work do you want this for your kids. I'm sorry to say you are the one who is being lazy. I know guys who work 70-80 hrs a week but still make time for friends and there families. You should be happy enough that your wife enjoys staying home and raising the kids
most couples both work and have a nanny and yes she does do more then you do chasing aftyer a baby all day is not easy.

Answer 7

I am a stay at home mom with a two year old. I don't expect my husband to do housework. But I do expect him to take over with the kids for a while since he does get to leave the house and socialize at work. I need to have some peace and quiet, take a shower, or just have a minute of privacy without someone clinging on me. I don't go anywhere or do anything with anyone so... if you helped make them you can help raise them I guess. If the house isn't clean ....I'll be the first one to tell you. Having a two year old is like owning a TAZ. As fast as I can clean our small home.. he's like a tornado right behind me tearing it apart again. It is infuriating and exhausting, but as long as the daily dishes are done, at least two loads of laundry are folded, and the disarray is minimal... that's just life. My days don't last 10 hours and I don't get to sleep for nine... so I don't cut him much pity in that department. Good luck.

Answer 8

You may work 60 hours a week but the child is also your responsibility. Being a 'stay-at-home' mom is an extremely difficult job and unless you can be in her shoes for 1 week - you'll never know how difficult it truly is.
Working long hours do make a person tired but just take 15 minutes and help her with a few chores - she'll really appreciate it. She tells you about what was on TV because that's her only connection with the outside world (at an adult level). My daughter has her TV on all day ( she is a stay-at-home mom) - just for the noise. My mom lives with me and when I arrive home (from work) she is reading a book but the TV is on - she just wants the noise.

Answer 9

You are not crazy and she is not lazy. The problem is your wife is getting tired of cleaning after the child and everyone else on a regular basis. You should not have to do all the housework or the big portion of it. But I do think you should support your wife the best you know how and maybe show a little interest in what is going on in the home. Maybe the two of you should change positions - she works and you be the homemaker - just a suggestion. Maybe hire a maid once a week - that would help both of you.

Answer 10

The age old argument...which job is harder! Both of you contribute to your families well being, it's just in different ways. The only thing that I can say is that you get to come home and your day is over, hers isn't. Her hours are 24/7. I don't think it would hurt for you to help once in a while. And, changing your child's diaper is part of being a parent. I don't think that you should come home from work and clean and cook and do the laundry, but you can certainly give her a break every now and then.