how can i overcome shyness?

Question

what specific ways can i do to be NATURALLY confident around people?? my shyness has kept me from being friends with people i really like...

Answer 1

Set goals for yourself.You may have to force yourself to do it. Like set a goal to talk or become friends with a certain person within a certain time period-like a week or to at least talk to the person. You are going to have to do this until you just feel comfortable and it becomes natural.

Answer 2

Give it some thought. Normally, you are shy (I have been PAINFULLY shy my whole life. Jimmy Carter admitted awhile back (to Playboy Mag) that HE is painfully shy)) because you are insecure, you don't like yourself, you don't see that you have any talents, etc. Start looking for what's good about you. Are you a nice person? Can you look in your mirror and see a decent sort? What talents do you have? Story telling? Singing? Acting? Are you a good lover when you get the chance? Are you helpful? Good student? Dr Phil and I say, "You'd be MUCH less self-conscious and down on YOU, and MUCH less concerned with what others think of you if you just realized how little time others spent thinking about you.
Get out of yourself and focus on others. Take pains to help when you can. IF you stop focusing on YOU and you begin to focus on those around you, you'll be less shy. Volunteer. I am betting that as Christmas barrels down upon us, you could find 10 places to volunteer an hour of your time, and then you could come away from that experience with a healthy glow of "I did good!"
Good luck!
Hint: When all else fails, focus on being the kind of person YOU would like!

Answer 3

I don't really know.

I've been pretty confident for as long as I can remember. But you have to understand that if becoming confident is that easy, the world would have a serious problem, with everybody being too confident and all.

My advice is to think about WHY you're shy. Different people have different reasons for being shy.

After that you can start with the basics. Approach people before they approach you, etc. That way people will think you're confident. Having people think of you that way will make you more confident. And before you know it, you'll be as confident as confident can be.

Answer 4

we could tell you how but you have to be brave and do it yourself. I would say just take baby steps first and try being around one person talking to them develope a friendship with them then try two people and so on and so on. You have to come out of a shell that you have been in for a long time. That is very hard. if you have a good friend try to get them to help you. losen up. God bless you and good luck.

Answer 5

i have that exact same problem and i have pushed away many great guys from me being so shy... i guess you just have to force yourself to gain some guts and just make a casual conversation w/ a person. it'll get easier over time i think. then after awhile, the person might really start to like you. beat them to the punch, and ask them if they would wanna hang out sum time, like play a video game or whatever you both are interested in. and i'm think it's workin pretty well with me. and honestly, if you are scared about what the persom will think of you when you are talking to them, then they act like a snot, they probably werent worth your time in the first place.

good luck =)

Answer 6

Before you go out practice what you can say to start a conversation. Ask questions about their kids, jobs,etc. This time of year you could ask if they have their christmas shopping done, then keep it going by commenting about your shopping then follow that with another question.like "do you have a big family?" If you keep practicing this general conversation it will lead to a more personal level. Soon you will find you have a new circle of friends. Good luck!

Answer 7

Hi there,
Check out this program I found online about social anxiety and shyness http://www.goobypls.com/r/rd.asp?gid=296
I'm using it and results are encouraging. I'm getting better overtime.

Answer 8

I used to be terribly shy myself. The first step is to let go of the fear. Let go of the fear of what people will think of you. Just be yourself. Next, try acting confident and outgoing in any situation, even if you don't feel this way. Soon you will become confident and outgoing.

Answer 9

These are some pratical tips in order to overcome your shyness:


The first thing you can do is to be assertive. Not many of us are aware of it, but self-assertion can affect the way you feel about yourself. When you say “I feel terrific” several times every morning, it may instinctively promote a positive feeling. Others may doubt it, but positively reinforcing the subconscious part of you really helps set a good mindset and affirms yourself with just the right thoughts.

The second thing to remember is to dress up. Dressing up may be a superficial technique to improve confidence. But it's already a given fact that once you look nice, you'll also feel good. A good sense of fashion or a very comfortable attire may also eliminate thoughts of insecurity when mingling with the crowd.

Third, bear in mind that fear is simply inevitable. We may not fully get rid of it but we can always manage anxiety when we do, or at least, attempt to conquer the risks. Trying things you've never done before may give you the courage to face even the most blistering of all emotions-- rejection. Most, if not all, despise the feeling of rejection because it makes us feel rejected or inadequate. But, in truth, rejection has a lot to do with people's preference and goals.

The fourth tip is simple: be honest. Sometimes, the only way to combat shortcomings is to be honest about it. Admitting that you're shy can help people understand you more. Honesty can also dismiss possible unjust perceptions about your behavior.

The last technique to consider is to stay active. Unknown to many, shyness starts from physical and emotional tension. To prevent tension and release trapped energies, it's advisable to engage in exciting personal activities.

There are hundreds of books written on the subject of how beat shyness and gain confidence, but there are a few techniques that anyone can practice. Here are 6 suggestions of techniques on how to overcome your shyness:

1. Every morning, as soon as you get up, get in front of a mirror and say out loud "I feel terrific! I feel terrific! I feel terrific!" Repeat this affirmation with enthusiasm at least ten times everyday until it's ingrained into your subconscious mind. If feel a little self conscious to begin with lock yourself in the bathroom. The results will amaze you.

2. Feel good about yourself. Look your best. Dress up more often. This gives you an extra feeling of confidence and self esteem. On its own just knowing that you look good will boost your confidence and reinforce with others that there are things about you that are worth getting to know.

3. Take a risk at least once a day. It's very invigorating and conquering fears by taking risks helps you grow in confidence and self esteem. Start with small risks and fears and as you overcome them move onto bigger things. There's nothing you cannot do. Be confident in knowing that change can only help you grow, and boost your self confidence.

4. When you are engaged in a one to one conversation, or with a larger group of people, let them know that you're shy. This prevents them from misreading you and they are far more likely to invite you into the conversation rather than leave you just listening and wishing you could contribute.

Many people, me included, find following a conversation in a noisy room difficult. If you are having difficulty say so and move so that you can hear. People respect honesty, and vulnerability and you will attract more honest people into your life as a result.

5. Rejection is a fact of life that everyone experiences. It is rarely you that is being rejected. If you are rejected, for example if you ask someone for a date, remember that everyone has different likes and dislikes. You may be attracted to one type of person and not others. The same applies to other people and you are probably just not their type. That does not devalue you in any way. Accept this and know that you will get over it. Never take it personally and keep in mind that if people reject you it is because of their own likes and dislikes and not because of who you are. You are equally entitled to reject others because of your likes and dislikes.

6. Engage in an activities that make you feel excited and good about yourself or start a hobby that gives you a feeling of relaxation. This could be anything from gardening to Tai Chi to Karate. Take some lessons, learn or master a musical instrument or take singing lessons. Do something that excites you and take a risk. Exploring things that make you feel excited is a great antidote for shyness

Answer 10

Just be the opposite of who you really are and try it out and see what happens. If you think you should say one thing say the opposite, if you think that you should do one thing then do the opposite. You have to remember that people are people and they cant make you as a person. they are not god and he is the only one that can judge you!