What is up with this? My husband of 3 months has been across the country (military) for 1.5 mos?

Question

Since then he has taken money out of our joint account ($150 in bars in one weekend) (my account) without telling me (which is the agreement we made together). He then replaced the money w/$ from HIS account (I don't have access to) and the check bounced (and that account has now been overdrawn for a month). He then opened another account with his military address (again I have NO access) without first discussing it with me. Then, he bought a truck (took out a loan) and told me three days later. Then, he changed his direct deposit so it is going into his new account, but didn't say a word to me until I found out Friday. (With the military, direct deposit takes close to a month to take effect, so he knew). And to top it off, he won’t merge our cell phones to save money! Now, he isn't talking to ME because we are "fighting about money."

Am I wrong to be angry? As husband and wife shouldn't we discuss financial choices (like financing a vehicle)? What can I do to help him understand?

I should probably add that he has been becoming more and more distant (not returning phone calls, being mean and short with me on the phone, not calling me at all, etc.) I don't feel I can trust him anymore and I really don't know what to do! I mean, it's only been 3 months!

I should also add this is totally out of character for him. He is depressed and angry to be there (he is not doing what is supposed to be). But he has always been more responsible than me with money...well, I pay my bills on time and he always has money in his account. So, we both have our strengths, but he is just being stupid! He isn't acting in character and he isn't treating me like his wife! I am ready to tell him that if wants to be single again, so be it, cause he sure isn't acting like he is married! And with all the secrets and lies of ommission, I can't help but doubt him! I have never thought him to be cheating, but now I wonder!

Answer 1

Next to infidelity, financial matters is the leading cause of divorce in our country. Every couple will butt heads over finances - it all boils down to having consideration for one another. You might have to resort to extreme measures before the two of you start acting like a real team. There's no room for selfishness in a marriage - I think you're doing your best to be selfless...But you can only neglect your needs and concerns for so long. Eventually you'll grow bitter and resentful of your husband. You'll also start hoarding money (if you haven't already). Don't let this man transform you into a selfish woman.

Maybe you should disregard his needs - he disregards yours! Don't be vindictive, just be responsible for yourself. Im not telling you to divorce your husband (in fact, I'm hoping you'll fight this common battle). I'm telling you to start placing yourself first...Under the circumstances, you have no other choice. Separate yourself from him as he has separated himself from you.

Answer 2

Mines been gone since August when he joined. And oh yea thats all we fight about. He would go to the bars on the weekends because there was nothing else to do. Well I sent him a bunch of things to take up his time ( Paint by numbers kits for adults since they are easy to ship and a kit on learning how to make origami so he can entertain our kiddies when we are at a resturant).

This past weekend he decided to go get a tattoo after I told him how much would be left in the account after I paid the rent and other bills and picked up one more Christmas present. Even though he knew the exact amount he still spent over that amount. Even though he knew that, that was all we had left in the account because of his god damn spending. I liked it alot better when he was in boot camp and couldn't spend a dime. Because I had over 2 grand saved up in the bank because we are expected another child. Which pisses me off even more about his spending. We are suppose to be saving for the next child and he is just spending left and right.

Sorry about my rant. But I know how you feel,

Answer 3

looks like an quite difficult concern! you would be able to desire to pay interest on your babies and your self. you do no longer want your 4yr previous starting to be as much as be like his dad do you? So get out of there. Get a job and initiate a life on your individual. you won't be able to be a physically powerful mom on your babies while you at the instant are not being good to your self. in the adventure that your husband keeps telling you the way he regrets having you as his spouse and how he regrets having the youngsters, then he would not need to hitch your loved ones! As for his mothers and fathers, they are for sure the reason your husband is such an *sshole! you need to ruin the cycle to substantiate your babies do no longer finally end up like him too! it style of feels your husband would not comprehend what he has and would not take excitement in it... So take it removed from him and then see how little he cares whilst he would not have you ever tidying up after him and searching after him! he will come working back like a dogs along with his tail between his legs...Then, you place the guidelines! You tell him the way it relatively is going to be to any extent further and he extra useful stick to it in any different case! you would be able to desire to get the ball on your court docket!

Answer 4

Hate to say it but get the h e l l out why you can. This will not change I've been married for 9 years and this is just the beginning he is out partying and telling you he's grieving. More than likely he is buying hookers, sleeping with someone in his unit, or messing with other soldiers

Answer 5

Trust is very important in your young relationship. since he is away from home it is difficult for you to sit down and have a good conversation about your problem, especially since he wont talk to you. Get your own account too, if you are working.good luck in getting it all straightened out. maybe talk to his parents and ask there advice about how he handled his finances before you where married.

Answer 6

oh man....that is not good. Can you get out there and be with him?