11 yr. old son is failing in school. He has time to change but won't. How can I encourage him want to improve

Question

He had been doing fine the first quarter, but has suddenly forgotten to hand in or do his assingments. He is not interested in trying to raise the grade by turning the papers in late. He just wants to start over for the remainder of this second quarter of school. He refuses to let us know what his assingments are, especially his dad. He will tell me but he will argue any suggestion I may have. He has been told that he is a smart boy, but is not appling himself. He seems angry about many things but will not open up about them. I have a disability, but I am not sure if that is the problem which relates to school. He has friends, but sometimes he can be mean to them. He has a great teacher, but doesn't realize how good he has it. I worry all the time for him,and do not know what to do to help the situation. I need help in knowing when to help, and when to stay out of it and just let him fail. He has asked me to not to tell his dad about his grades. I'm not sure if that is the way to go.

Answer 1

It sounds like your son needs a counselor. It is dangerous for your son to keep everything inside. He may have a self-esteem problem since he is at the age where he is becoming more self-conscious. Lack of motivation may also be a problem for him. You need to find something he is interested in and use that as a reward for getting his homework done and for good grades. You should never set goals that he can not reach, but don't set the bar to low either. For example, half an hour of TV if he gets it all done, or no TV if he doesn't. You should discuss his lack of homework with his teacher. Also encourage him to keep a planner to write down all of his assignments. I hope this helps!

Answer 2

First of all I would try to figure out what caused the change in his behavior. Was there a change in his home life? Is there a problem with someone at school? Is he fearful or feeling pressure concerning school work? If he will not open up to his parents then perhaps there is someone in the family he trusts and would confide in - perhaps you are that person and need to be understanding yet firm to help him understand how he is really hurting himself by not taking care of his responsibilites. Another option is to determine if his school has a counselor.
Also to consider is to schedule a meeting with his teacher to discuss the situation and arrange to be able to obtain his assignments - some schools post assignments on a website or the teacher may be able to send an email to the parents listing the assignments.
At this point the parent needs to maintain control and ensure that, while the issues are worked through, the childs homework and projects are done.
Unfortunatley your role will be limited since you are not the parent. Whatever your relationship to the child, the parents need to be made aware. It may seem like you are betraying the childs trust but there is just so much you can do and it is only fair that the childs parents are aware....perhaps they are the ones that need the counseling!

Answer 3

Since he was doing fine but suddenly lost interest, I would say some thing bad has happened. And you don't know what. Don't hesitate, but get him into some counseling. The sooner you act, the sooner things can get better. He is entering adolescence and will be increasingly difficult to deal with if you don't handle the problem now. The school counselor's office may be able to recommend a good therapist.
There may be other things you will have to do, depending on what the problem is. You might need parenting classes. This is not because you are not a good parent, but because your son is facing special problems. You might need to involve the police if something illegal is happening. Whatever you do, don't cover for him or anybody else if you find out about something bad.
Get his dad involved and work together to help your son.

Answer 4

sit down and talk to him about it.
see if he is being distracted bye a girl or maybe there are other thing going on at school and i may only be 14 and not a parent but my mom has convosations w/ me all the time about this stuff.
tell him that he can start over for the remaining but he still needs to try and finish this quarter off nicely.

maybe u could buy him or makr him a planner which he could write down all his assignments in and some reminders like due dates

well i hope i could help u!! and good luck!!

Answer 5

no, grades should be a at least a little issue. it's true that putting too much pressure on kids can only cause them to rebel...but they need to see the benefits of staying in school. somehow show him the benefits and over time he may understand.

i always hated the kids who got this advantage (cause i didn't) but a reward for good grades is in order. money is the most realistic option cause it mirrors the 'real world'...but other things can work too. make good grades earn him credit that he can turn in for something else he likes but doesn't get too often.

its tough, and some kids won't ever learn. others just take time until they understand the importance of doing well in their lives and schoolwork to start with.

Answer 6

First, let me reassure you I have been down this road, not an easy place to be. Have you talked to him? Is there anything that has happened that is stressing him out? Bullies, overload, home, whatever, just listen.... Ask him if anything is troubling him, Second, talk to his teachers. They work with him day in and day out and can help you with a plan.... Do they think he may need to be tested for a disability? If so that would be a good starting point...
Good luck.. Fellow parent.

Answer 7

What I am hearing is that talking to him about it is not working.

Does he have responsibility for anything at home? Does he have to help with chores, make his bed, etc...? The reason I ask is it sounds like there isn't alot of discipline at home. Hes trying to get your attention. He needs to be grounded or certain privileges taken away until he gets his grades up.

He is a smart boy and knows it. He doesn't apply himself because he feels for some reason he doesn't have to. He either doesn't want dad to know because he doesn't want to disappoint him, or because he knows dad will discipline him.

Try doing his homework with him. Call his teacher, and get the assignments. Who cares if your kid gets mad, you are the parent and you need to step in and make him do his work. I don't think that's over stepping the boundaries. Its part of parenting.

I would suggest that he join a homework club either during or after school. Talk to the teacher about him needing to get his assignments done even if it means staying after school. I know at my school, teachers are there in after school clubs for tutoring and homework help or finishing homework.

Answer 8

Who's running things here? Seems to me the child is calling all the shots in this situation. It is time for Mom AND Dad to put Junior in his place. You are the adult, not your son. If you give him the control, then you no longer have control. See how this works? If this is happening at 11, think about how he will be at 16-17. You better regain control before you lose it forever.

Answer 9

take him to a juvenille detention center/prison for a kind of "Scared Straight" moment. Or you can simply explain to him that school is the practice ground for the real world. The more he puts in the more he gets out. Try to help him see that he can relate everything that he is learning to something "real and tangible" in his own life. Encourage him to not only read what's assigned but to read other opinions, other sources, etc. It will show him that he is in control of his learning and with having a sense of control comes a sense of purpose. Good luck with the chap. It's a hard age.

Answer 10

I'd get him to a therapist or counselor. The situation does not sound healthy AT ALL. Something is quite amiss and you'll need help to identify what it is. There is a reason he does not communicate about school work and whatever that reason will be close to the crux of the problem.