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I know what everyone is going to say.. just leave. he is not going to leave his wife... he will cheat on you too one day..your not being fair to your husband either.. i heard it all. But it is not easy to just walk away. When we both when met we were both honest w/ eachother about being married, and honestly as bad as it signs all it was supposed to be was a one nite thing.. but it turned into something much more without either one of us realizing it, he wants to leave his wife and get his own place, and he wants me to do the same, get my own place, and date and go from there. I dont know i am not naive and I know that there is a big chance one day he will do the same to me. i am not inlove w/ my husband. He is a great guy, however he is from another country and leaves me for months to a year at a time to go to his country. I have put up with that for 5 years now. I dont know what to do. As i said when hes here hes a great man and great father, yet every two years he will be gone again

2006-12-18 12:42:47 · 26 answers · asked by angelofagirl22000 1 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

26 answers

Hmm...interesting...sounds like YOUR husband may be married too in his home country!!!
Continue the affair til you both grow tired of each other. Don't leave your current man but don't get caught lest he sets you on fire or cuts your head off or something like that!!

2006-12-18 12:47:46 · answer #1 · answered by Mee-OW =^..^= 7 · 0 0

you never know what you have until it is gone
I know that you said that you have heard it all and I do not doubt you
but one day the excitement will fade I was once in the same boat and
the flame seemed to flicker, fade, and die after a while
Five years is a long time to some people and some people can make five years seem so much longer but to be honest with you it is not always the best idea to jump from one thing to another.
I am not saying that you are a bad person because I never throw stones. Mainly because of the Glass house I live in but please think about what might be if situations were different you know if neither one of you were married or what about five years from now.
How long have the two of you been together
remember that all horses are fast out of the gate but some things may be worth salvaging. After someone sets their eyes on some thing new all old things lose some of their luster just ask yourself if you are ready for a relationship, is this just a fling, how will it end .
Oh and remember that for some it is all about the thrill of the chase the narrow escapes, is it not a turn on that this is the way it is.
how will it be after the secrecy is gone.
I hoe that none of this was offensive and I wish you the best of luck with your choice.

2006-12-18 13:40:55 · answer #2 · answered by kjrj 2 · 0 0

Why are you asking if you already know the right answer to your question?
Are you hoping enough people will confirm your fears, that what you are doing is wrong, and you need to just stop and cut off all contact?
...Or are you just looking for some validation, someone to say, "Oh, no, honey, you're fine. Whatever makes you happy. Your husband is a bad man, so he deserves to be cheated on, made a fool of, and lied to. Go right ahead and do your thing. Oh, and don't worry about your f*** buddy's wife, she has no feelings. If she knew that her scumbag of a husband was cheating on her, she wouldn't really mind. Don't worry about it! Have fun! Live life while you can! Be happy, and never worry about what people you may be hurting by your inconsiderate, selfish infidelity."

If you are looking for that, then good luck. Because no matter what anyone says to you out of common sense, you will not hear it if you only want to feel like you are doing right.

You need to make the choice to get your butt out of the affair. That's all there is to it. Stop making excuses. I'm no huge fan of divorce, but if you have a practically nonexistent relationship with your husband--divorce him instead of disrespecting and hurting him by having an affair!
Better yet--rebuild, don't give up just cause it gets a little tough.

You wanna know why the divorce rate has risen so rapidly over the past 20 or so years?

Because way back when, each person in a relationship used to put the other one first. NOW, it's "Me, me, me!!!" "I'm not happy -right now- so I'm going for some instant gratification (example: the "one night stand"-- whether or not it turns into "something more")"

Think about it. Or don't, depending on the reason why you posted the question in the first place.

2006-12-18 12:57:21 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1 1

Okay, well you seem to have heard everything but ask yourself this, is it really worth it having someone in your life meet another woman, leave you and go for her? You got to look at this from all perspectives. Why would you risk the heartache knowing that there is that chance that he may do the same thing to you? God forbid he does and if you were just going to have a one night stand, why get married? That makes the entire situation so sad that you have to step out of your marriage. Have you talked to you husband and told him how you feel about the length of time he leaves you by yourself? Start there first before you make a decision that could hurt you and the other men involved in your life and see what happens there. Please think this through and talk to the other guy on the side and ask him what he wants to do with the rest of his life and see if you are in the equation too.

2006-12-18 12:49:39 · answer #4 · answered by frakmomma04 3 · 0 0

Look. you already heard all the "he will never leave his wife for you" stuff. That really has nothing to do with YOUR marital relationship. Either get OUT of your marriage if you're unhappy in it and take care of your self, or decide to stay in it, absences and all, and LIVE with that decision. You can't ride boths sides of the fence. My guess, with your husband being from another country, is that most likely if he found out about your affair, two people would be dead. Is your love for your "other one" worth that? IF you choose to leave your marriage, and IF he chooses to leave his, then the two of you can pursue a life together if you want to. In the meanwhile YOU are married, and HE is married. You are not available to each other.

2006-12-18 12:51:03 · answer #5 · answered by nana 3 · 0 0

This relationship is going nowhere, you are wasting your time and your life. If this has been going on for 5 years, don't you think your husband knows what is going on? I'm sure he does. Have you stopped to realize that he is very deeply hurt by this? This is very selfish of you to only think of yourself when you have a loving and faithful husband at home. The guilt of having had a "secret" relationship behind his back for so long ought to be enough to stop you dead in your tracks with this thing.

The cold hard truth is that he is not the prince you describe. He is a lying, cheating, selfish, part-time husband and father. Wake up and smell the coffee.

2006-12-18 12:56:28 · answer #6 · answered by country girl 5 · 0 0

okay, you know how they say it's easy to be objective when it's happening to others but when it comes to your own matters, you're stumped? well, at the risk of sounding all-knowing and over-simplifying things and with conscious effort of being sensitive, here goes:

1. you said you're not in love with your husband anymore. i take that means you're not happy with the marriage and hence i'd say you have to end the marriage while you're not killing each other yet. unhappiness leads to anger.

2. once you're free, you may or may not continue your associations with the other guy. life is a constant changing and evolving cycle, you can never be sure what the future would bring. if it works, it works. if not, then at least you were happy for a while.

I truly believe we all have the right to do what we seem fit in pursuit of our own happiness. As long as that pursuit does not jeopardize our responsibility to our children, i'd say go for it.

good luck and God bless.

2006-12-18 13:03:16 · answer #7 · answered by Bubuchachum 6 · 0 0

I have a friend who, her husband is also a foreigner and does the same thing. She just found out after having two children with him . and they are 10 and 7 . that he is married in that other country and has another family.So ,if you love this guy , leave now and get it over with. your husband is probably having another life that you dont even know about.

2006-12-18 13:02:23 · answer #8 · answered by jassy 3 · 0 0

Truthfully, it won't stop until you two can truly be together to see that the only thing that turned you on about one another is that you are married to different people.

What keeps you doing what you are doing is the rush you both get at the possibility of getting caught. How you will eventually get caught is IF either of your spouses contracts something from either of you or one of your mutual friends happens to see the two of you sneeking in/out of the 'no-tell motel.

Good luck. If you are asking how to stop then you should never have done it to begin with.

Good luck with that.

2006-12-18 12:48:57 · answer #9 · answered by NyteWing 5 · 0 0

just to see if you two are on the same page just call him and tell him that you have left your husband and you need him and ask him when do he plan on leaving his wife because shes the one thing standing in your lives .and then she if he still says that he wants to leave his wife Would really like to know the out come of this situation.

2006-12-18 14:11:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

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