I'm gay. I don't know if i should tell my parents or my friends?

Question

All my friends think im straight but I'm not.

Answer 1

It's a safety issue. If you don't feel emotionally or physically safe, it may just be best to live the lie for a while.

Answer 2

Yes, you should tell your parents and your real friends. No need to tell those who will likely condemn you or stop being your friend. You know who the people are who will continue to value your friendship whether you are gay or straight. Tell them. I wish you well. It is not easy to be gay in today's society, though it is a lot less problematic than it was 20 years ago. Though there are still some ignorant cretins around who hate gays, most everyone has a close gay friend or family member these days and will judge you not by who you have sex with, but by the kind of person you are.

Answer 3

Congratulations for being able to tell someone that you are gay! You didn't say how old you are so it is a bit difficult to know how to answer your question. I have many gay friends and some only came out after a parent died. You could start by telling the people whom you know will accept you as you are. If you don't have anyone like that then you could consider seeing a therapist who specializes in gay identity issues who could help you develop a plan to begin talking to friends and family about it, as well as get you in touch with people in the community who have come out and share their experiences. I can't predict how your friends and family will respond. It will be a shock to some and not so much to others. Good luck.

Answer 4

and inside it hurts that no one knows.

My suggestion is to pick your closest friends and tell them one at a time -- but be more careful of your parents until you are through with college. They don' t need to know unless you are sure they will accept you.

Email me if you need to just talk.

Peace.

Reyn
[e-mail]

PS Note to Norb -- ???? are you nuts. I graduated most popular male in my class BY VOTE and nearly everyone knew, and that was 20 years ago. There are gay straight alliances in nearly every school near here now. The fact is ... most people, at least in the north -- don't care. A friend is a friend. For those that don't feel that way -- how terribly, terribly, terribly sad for THEM. They don't deserve the friends that they have, gay or straight -- and by leaving friends over a nothing issue -- they prove it.

Answer 5

If you're under 18, and don't feel comfortable, don't tell anyone until you do. If your parents are strict, religious, conservatives, and you think you'll be kicked out of the house or something, wait until you are older, moved out, and have your own life. You'll have more control over things, more options. As for your friends, if they wouldn't accept you for who you are, then they aren't your real friends. You can always make new ones who are better inclined to accept you as you are. If your parents are flexible, open, and loving, then you may be surprised how well they'll take the news. They may say, "Oh, we've known it all along." or "Just wear a condom and don't get AIDS." Come to think of it, that's what they'd say if you had a GIRLfriend, too! You'll be fine regardless. Good luck.

Answer 6

My best mate that I grew up with came out to me when I was about 21, he was 23. He was my best mate through school and after school finished we shared an appartment. I was comfortable around him. There was no sighs that he was gay when I was living with him, but he did walk into the bathroom when I was in the shower on many occasions. He is an absolute legend and he is still one my best mates. I didn't judge him when he came out, I congratulated him for being who he was and expressed my complete support. He only told a hand full of his close friends, there are still people that both of us know that have no idea of his sexuality and that is because they wouldn't except it. He has told his parents for the same reason.

Answer 7

You can only tell them when you feel comfortable. Maybe pick out one or two friends you might think will react ok. Then tell your family incase they do not react well - at least you will have your friends there then - then tell the world!

I told my friends first and it got back to my parents. That was not a happy occasion. All I can say is only do it when you are ready. They may surprise you and be ok with it.

Answer 8

Coming out is a very personal issue. For many of us, coming out is something we do in stages. I don't really know of anyone who broke down the closet doors all at once and screamed to the world that they were "gay" or "lesbian" or "bisexual"...etc.

I think the most important thing about coming out (and this is just my personal opinion) is self acceptance. It's so important to learn to love yourself, be proud of who you are and realise that you deserve to be treated fairly and with dignity.

Then choose your friends appropriately. Those who cast you aside when they realise you are gay were never your friends to begin with. Friends are there for each other through thick and thin. Come on, how many straight friends have we stood by even after we realise they were losers? Surround yourself with true friends...gay or straight. Sexuality should not matter in friendships.

As for your family, you can choose to tell them when you're ready or you can choose never to mention it. Like I said, it's a personal choice...if you feel that your family can never accept it and will shun you because of your sexuality, then I suggest that you just be yourself and don't flaunt it.

Truth is, after a while, you may be surprised how many of your friends and family know or have suspected our sexuality. When I came out to my mom when I was 21, she said she's known ever since I was five. I'm sure it didn't help that I changed girls names in songs to guys names and insisted on getting a tutu at ballet class before I would dance.

Whether you choose to tell anyone, that's a choice you will have to make on your own. The most important, however, is to live your life in a manner that you and everyone around you will have no choice but to respect you. Be kind to others, be loving to all and always remember that you could be in their shoes.

The bottom line is you may be gay, but you're not the scum of the earth. Being gay doesn't make us lower forms of life like others would like us to believe. But it's up to us to proove them wrong...but first learn to love yourself for who you are.

Just my thoughts.

Answer 9

I think you'll know when the time is right. Then, it will become more painful to hide your true self than to face your family and/or friends' potential scorn, maybe even rejection.
I wish you luck. You deserve to live a life in full light, to love whom you want to love. Just make sure it is not just lust. When you truly fall in love, whether it is with a man or a woman, it will become the most essential part of you and you will no longer want to hide that love.
I truly wish you the best, and I hope your family and friends will accept you and the one you love.

Answer 10

if you have a very good friend who understands you and will stand by you no matter what happens, that is the person you will want to tell first. I would start with friends before parents

Answer 11

I think once you come out, you are going to be much happier. You won't have anything to hide anymore, you'll be completely open to everyone, and it's going to feel great. Whatever friends turn their backs to you are not true friends, but I doubt that that will happen. Just go out there and be yourself. Don't worry that people will look at you differently, you'd be surprised how open-minded people can be.