Besides making her move out, how can I get my eighteen year old go to school?

Question

I am a single mom with an eighteen year old that will not get up and go to school. She just won't get up in the morning, she does work part time but not much and doesn't do anything to help out around the house. She has started coming and going as she pleases. I have talked, argued, yelled some, threatened to make her move out, but she just is not facing reality. I lost my other child five years ago and it has been a struggle for a long time. Counseling is not a choice here as she will not go and if she doesn't go to school full time my insurance will cancel her.

Any ideas , I feel like I have failed as a mom. She is a good person, but like I said is just not facing reality here and now that she is eighteen I just don't know what to do.

Answer 1

See if you can find a counselor that will pose as a friend of the family and work with her. On the other hand she is of age and needs to grow up. Perhaps kicking her out is what she needs, but don't do it half assed.

Answer 2

No matter how hard it sounds you have to stop the threats and start taking action. She sees that you are not doing anything but talking and that is why she is doing the same thing. I know I did the same thing to my mom for many years. I finally just moved out because I was tired of the threats. You have to follow through with everything you say. Yes she is an adult and she has rights but you are allowing her to live under your roof and there has to be rules to follow. Sit her down and let her know that you love and respect her as your daughter and an adult but the way things have been handled lately have been unacceptable. Tell her the guidelines of what has to be done for anyone to live under your roof. What are the consequences for not following through? Stick to those consequences. If it is that she has no health insurance then I am sorry then she will have to get a full time job to get health insurance. She has to learn that she is now an adult and adults have responsibilities too. I know it is hard being a single mom. My mom struggled too. Looking back, I wish my mother could have just been stronger by not fighting with me but standing up to me. We laugh about it now but it has been rotten trying to get where I am at now...I am in my mid 20s and just now finishing my BA degree, heading on to get my PhD. I took the long road but I have learned the hard lessons. I just hope that your daughter does not have to go the long way and you can snap her into the right way- now. Good Luck Devoted Loving Mom ;)

Answer 3

Well, first of all, i dont think that making her move out would be the answer to this problem. This would only cause her to have to work more, and hey, if you aren't there to yell at her to get out of bed to go to school, then its easier for her to sleep in right?

Have you spoken with her about her aversion to school? Is there a particular reason or situation that is making her shy away from school? Have you talked to the school psychologist or other administrators at school to show your concern for her? The more people you have working on this problem, the more likely it will be that it is solved.

You have only failed as a mom if you give up on her, and from what i have read, it doesnt sound like your about to. Have you tried telling her that she wont be able to work unless she goes to school? School should always come first. She probably needs her paycheck to pay bills and for going out with her friends. Perhaps if you take away that source of income, which will effect her personal life, she might become more motivated.

The tricky thing here that you need to do is to not become her enemy. In my experience with teaching kids, the more of an enemy you are in the eyes of a kid, the less they will listen to you. So try to convey the message, seriously but sincerely, that you really have genuine concern for her and your not nagging her because you find it fun. Make sure she can see you as an ally instead of a threat.

Thats all the advice I have, good luck.

xo

emo

Answer 4

You didn't fail as a mom. You have, however, owned a problem that IS NOT YOURS. It is not your problem that she isn't going to school. It is her CHOICE. Threatning her means that you are owning her problems. Next time, give her a hug and say that you love her very much. Then...........say to her: "By not going to school and working part time is telling me that you want to be grown up and on your own. So I am going to give you 30 days to find an apartment and I would be glad to help you pick it out". If she hasn't made an attempt to look or got an apartment in 30 days then give her a 7-day notice and box ALL of her belongings (including her bed and door to her room) and change the locks to the house. Sounds cruel? Not really. It is cruel to let her use you and not let her grow up by enabling her.

Answer 5

You could try having a nice long serious talk w/ her about her future, her goals, dreams, plans, etc. Ask her if she's completely happy with where she is right now. (I'm guessing she's probably not.)

If she's not, encourage her to think about what she would like. Questions such as "If you had 5 million dollars, what would you do with it?" are nice questions to just get her thinking about things.

i.e. What would you LIKE to be doing, if money wasn't an issue? What are you currently PREVENTED from doing because money IS an issue?

How can you get to where you would like to be? What are some immediate steps you can take now to move you in that direction? How can you make a realistic compromise between what you dream of and what your current opportunities are?

How can you make use of your skills and interests? What kind of job would allow you to do what you love and also earn a living? Or what kind of job could you get that you don't mind doing, and that could pay the bills and allow you to pursue your hobbies and interests in your free time, outside of work?

I hope this helps! I personally have found the "million dollar" question helpful because a lot of times we get discouraged and forget about our dreams. And once you forget about your dreams, you no longer have motivation to work toward them.

When that happens, it's easy to get stuck in a rut, i.e. stuck in a dead-end job, coming home and watching TV all day, which helps pass time and provide enjoyment, but doesn't really provide us with any meaningful source of happiness.

Answer 6

My daughter did the same thing, she was really into stuff at high school and it's like 2 days after graduation she fell into this depression and funk. (she was already lazy) I kicked her out, she lived in a broken down bus behind someones roach infested house, had her belonging stolen, went a little hungry sometimes. After a year she decided she wanted to come home, she worked, got it together and now at 21 has a cute little apartment has worked at the same job for a year and gotten 2 raises! So don't lose hope, just get tough! You deserve respect and she won't ever show it until you put your foot down and mean it...and don't fall for the guilt trip, remind her this was her choice.

Answer 7

The fact that you care for your daughters well being rules you out as an unfit mother. Maybe she needs a wake up call. Tell her that she is now at the age of majority,and as such she has choices to make. #1 STAY IN SCHOOL! #2 Become gainfully employed as she will start paying you rent (set a time-line for this), and help around the house.

Answer 8

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Answer 9

I'll give you a simple sentence: don't let the door hit you in the *** on the way out!! Stop being a friend and start being a mum. If your kid is truly a good person, she'd get the hint pretty fast.

Answer 10

Kick her out it will make her face reality. my mom threw me out the day i hit 18 and I thank her for it now I got a job and took care of myself it was the only way