I have been seeing my boyfriend for 2 years now. He has been married for over 20 years and has children. After a couple years of their marriage his wife no longer wanted him to touch her physically or sexually. They have tried counselling, etc. She lets him "do it" with her maybe once a year. He only stays with her because of his responsibilities to his children. When we first started dating he was going to leave her within the year. Now he doesn't know if he is going to wait until the youngest is older. He doesn't want to hurt his children. He said it is like she is his sister, and he knows she loves him. I am so in love with this man, he is my soul mate. Am I stupid to wait for him? Do you think he will ever leave her?
2006-12-18 12:23:56 · 37 answers · asked by Mindy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Wow. He is the king of excuses. Its a good thing you posted this question, you need some perspective from the outside.
This can only lead to bad things. You know what to do.
2006-12-18 12:27:40 · answer #1 · answered by JillA 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Men procrastinate leaving,and you of all people should know that the relationship with a married man was wrong in the first place.
He won't leave his wife,men will use their children as an excuse for staying in a relationship,granted people do love their kids,but you have to ask yourself,"its been years,why am i waiting around?","am I meerly infatuated with this man because he didn't put up a fight against our relationship?"
Also why would you want a man still "doing it" with his wife,and then sleeping with you. Your almost like getting his left overs. Do you and your reputation a favor,stop being a home wrecker,and leave the relationship. Have you ever thought that they might have gone through counseling,successfully if he didn't have another option.
If he was your soulmate,then why would he be taken? I hate to say it dear,but your waiting will be a fruitless pursuit and by the time you come to realise it,men interested will have come and gone,and you'll ask yourself,"where has my life gone and why have i wasted it on a man who isn't with me?"
2006-12-18 12:35:17 · answer #2 · answered by Ellie 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hi there. I have been in an identical situation for 2 years now as well, and I just got out of it. I told him that I needed a timeline and he just couldn't give it to me for when he would be able to leave because unlike him I don't have children yet. He claimed he couldn't bear the thought of leaving his kids and having to schedule visits with them. I'm not going to lie to you, it has been the hardest thing I have ever done and I am beyond upset and depressed, but I can only hope that it gets easier. This love has shaken me to my very core and I don't think I'll ever be the same again, but you have to get away. You just have to. I have spent the last 2 years waiting for the phone to ring on the weekends in hopes that he would steal away to call me for a minute, waiting for a chance to be able to get together for dinner. It is a horrible feeling, especially when the holidays are here, and I have no one to talk to about this because it is a big secret. Anyway, please take it from me, get out now!!!
2006-12-20 14:41:47 · answer #3 · answered by partyshoes1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but he probably is not going to leave. Sounds like he has alot of excuses. He is telling you what you want to hear. You really do not know what goes on at his home. In all truth, he has already hurt his children. The worst part of it for you is that you are going to be hurt also. Don't waste anymore of you life. You need to move on. Think about what kind of man you are in love with. You are not stupid, this happens to alot of people. I am sorry, but I really don't think he will ever leave her. As the song goes,"theres no future in loving a married man" Good luck
2006-12-18 12:52:15 · answer #4 · answered by Debcee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As someone that has been in your position, I would have to answer this question with a no. If he is so much in love with you he would have left her already. Don't avoid the inevitable. If he hasn't left her already, he more then likely isn't. He doesn't want to hurt the children blah blah blah, what is hurting the children more then growing up in a broken home is growing up with two parents that are merely tolerating each other. Counseling etc? He can't possibly be putting forth a full effort if he has a girlfriend? Besides, I say once a cheater always a cheater, if he will do this to his wife whom he has come before God and the law and pronounced vows to, chances are he could do it to you also being as though you are only tied together by a verbal/moral agreement. It won't be easy, but it's in the best interest of all involved parties.
2006-12-18 12:32:57 · answer #5 · answered by kelreefl 1 · 0⤊ 3⤋
I have been there.... done that...
Please don't believe everything he is telling. you!!!! You will get very hurt!!!!If he is still with his wife after two years...what does that tell you? He loves her!!! I am sure they have sex more than that/... Do you really think he is telling you only the truth? You are wasting your time honey. You are something.. you' ve been waiting 2 years??? Wow... I hope you get what you want..One thing you can do to make sure he is not lying is tell him that you want to speak to his wife///if it's really true that there is no sexual thing going on between them he wouldn't mind... This is how I found out that all the nice things I was being told were dirty lies...
You deserve the TRUTH!!! and you should fight for it. Good Luck
2006-12-18 12:46:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't let him use his children as an excuse. Alot of times, we may have problems with people but are set in a comfort zone or used to having them around despite the situation. However, if his children can see that they do not have an actual relationship then it doesn't matter. If they are just together because he is still hurting the children. Most children want their parents to be together but most of all they want their parents to be happy. I do not think you should wait on him because what if he never leaves, then you have wasted all of your time. Only wait if you really feel it is worth it. If you feel the possibility of being hurt, is worth seeing if you two can make it-go ahead!!!!!Good Luck.
2006-12-18 12:33:55 · answer #7 · answered by RoxieC 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You don't have a boyfriend you have an affair partner! Leave this guy alone. How do you know she does not want sex from him? Did he tell you that? Did you ever wonder if he was BSing you to keep banging you? He's not been truthful to his wife, why should he be truthful to you.
Remember, you both are in an adulterous, infidelity laced relationship. If he leaves her for you, don't you think he'll do the same thing to you? After all, at one point, he really and completely LOVE HIS WIFE!
Wake up Chickie.
2006-12-18 12:36:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is an old saying,"Why buy a cow when you get the milk for free". Think about that. If he really wanted to leave his wife, he would have done so by now. He's using you girl, and I really don't think he'll ever leave his wife. Another thing to think about: He is having an affair with you now. If you and him do get together and get married, what's going to stop him from having an affair with someone else? He's already proved to you that he's not trustworthy, by breaking his vows....."for better or for worse". Think about all this........best of luck to you.
2006-12-18 12:33:51 · answer #9 · answered by cajunrescuemedic 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Are you serious? The man is married, and he's been seeing you for 2 years, and is still married. DUH. He is a lying pig. You must be young. No man would stay with a woman who wasn't giving it up. Especially if they have someone else who does. EW...he is dippin into both of you, dang it you can't be that stupid. EVERY man in a realtionship, that has hit on me says the same thing, their wives don't put out, they are only together for the kids, their wives treat them like ****, thier wives are lazy slobs....you want to face the truth? Meet the wife, don't let her know who you are and bring up husbands. Act like you're married and talk about how wonderful your husband is, I bet she will too....Because I can guarantee you that her husband treats her like a queen, he has to so she won't get suspicious. Get rid of the bum, because no matter how you look at it, he is not only cheating on her with you, he is cheating on you with her. Stop wasting your life.
2006-12-18 12:35:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
doudt if he will ever leave her, as he is enjoying the best of both worlds, and is basically lying to u and his wife. u only know what he tells u about her, and with u the whole relationship is based on lust, and sex, when someone bases their love on this only it is not real mature. would u really feel so good about yourself if u wrecked her marriage? maybe in a few years he would be talking about u to some other woman and airing your dirty laundry with a stranger. he bases his love for u on conditions, the conditions are sex, and lust and things that aren't lasting, things that show his selfishness. even if he left her what do u have, just a cheater, who will eventually find something he doesn't like about u, and he will be cheating with someone else behind your back, as he is now doing to her. wake up
2006-12-18 12:34:50 · answer #11 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋