Thanks for the feedback on prior question. To expand upon it, girlfriend has stated multiple times over the past two years she will file for divorce, but has yet to hire an attorney, have discussion in detail with spouse, etc. etc. When she has committed to doing so, she never comes through. Something always comes up or she 'just couldn't do it'. I know this sounds hypocritical, but I really don't want anyone getting hurt either, although that is unavoidable. Here is the dilemma, I really do love her--definite, one in a lifetime soulmate type of deal, however, I feel like scum, am losing self-dignity, and feel like I certainly deserve better than this. If I put an end to it, it really will be the end. I know myself, and will not be able to have a 'break' in the relationship. So, if I move on, it most likely is permanently over, which is sad to think about because I really believe she is the one, despite the pain and b.s. I've endured. Any more thoughts or suggestions are appreciated
2006-12-18 11:45:08 · 18 answers · asked by J D Jr. 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
So sorry you're dealing with this. It doesn't sound fair to you. I think your girlfriend is having a hard time because marriage is SO final. (are there kids involved ect. ?) If so that makes it harder to leave too.
I think that you should tell her how you feel (ALL of it.) Hopefully things work out for all of you. Wishing you the best of luck!
2006-12-18 11:51:13 · answer #1 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why would you have any self respect. You are in an adulterous relationship. This women will never leave her husband and why would you want a women like that in the first place. She obviously has no respect for you or her husband. She is a self centered women who cares only about herself. Adultery is the single most selfish act one human can commit against their spouse. She will only do this exact same thing to you in the long run. Get out of this relationship immediately. Get yourself into some serious counseling. Don't date or get involved with anyone for awhile until you can heal from this situation and then set some guidelines for the kind of women who you are worthy of dating you. Once you find you can look at yourself in the mirror again with self respect you will know exactly what it is I am talking about. Good luck to you.
2006-12-18 20:06:00 · answer #2 · answered by Sally B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband made a mistake like this in his younger days. He found out that the woman had no intention of divorcing her husband and giving up her life style to be with him.
If you do get her to finally divorce him, you will only gain a "cheater" as a wife. In reality cheaters don't change. They eventually start looking around again. In a few years you would be in the same shape as her current husband.
You can bet that her current husband has no idea that his marriage is in danger. She will not tell him that she is seeing someone else, and she won't let him know that she is not happy. He will be the last to know about it.
You need to make a clean cut with her and never look back. Sure, it is really hard to do, but it is the only way you can look forward and not back.
Keep yourself busy so you don't think about her. Go out with friends, join an interest group, join a community service group, take a class, start a new hobby.
Do what ever it takes to get away from her and have a happy future with someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
2006-12-18 19:54:26 · answer #3 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Dude!! I've been there. Yes it will hurt, but you have to tell her it is over. Get some counseling for the grief. There is a small possibility that she will use your break as motivation for getting out of her marriage, but don't count on it. Are there children involved? If there is this makes things even messier. I been in your position. I wish I never had because I felt the same way that you do. Truth is I still do, but I couldn't keep things going knowing that she was stringing me along. I still have weak moments were I wish I was with her, but I have moved on and so must you. Good Luck
2006-12-18 20:01:56 · answer #4 · answered by hockey2525 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Usually I would say this to a woman, you'll get my drift the same as everyone else's, if you want to continue to have a wet a** and broken promises, then continue to be with this woman. This woman will disappoint you on a continual basis, I used to be the other woman years ago (before I even thought about marriage), its the same game different players. She is going to constantly complain about how bad the husband is to justify her actions, have you actually believe her, and constantly promise that she is going to leave. This will NEVER happen. If the sex is that good to you, then use her for that, but move on emotionally to someone else. Better yet, drop her a** completely, and move on totally to someone else. You can do so much better. Cut her off completely, no phone calls, emails or visits. She won't pursue you for very long, trust me.
2006-12-18 20:20:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It was never on. She was never yours.
If she were yours she would have left him flat the minute her heart hurt when she was with him and not you.
She is still with him you know, I mean in every sense. She isn't celebate. She's sleeping with two men, married to one, cheating with another. That doesn't sound like a woman you would want to bring home to meet the family.
Painful as it is, you need to move on.
No more contact is the easiest way. Just end it. Cold turkey.
Remember, people don't spend hours talking about breaking up,they get together to discuss staying together.
You're better than this. Good luck.
2006-12-18 20:01:10 · answer #6 · answered by Liligirl 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well, I am the girlfriend of someone and am also married. It's not because I want the other person back. It's because I am not financially able to get a divorce right now. My husband and I have been separated for six years now. But, he refuses to sign the papers so that both of us are able to move on with our lives. Have you tried to ask your girlfriend why should hasn't move on getting things started? Are they both willing to get the divorce? Are there children involved that he may using as a threat to her? You and she should really sit down and talk about things before you considering separating from her. Separation isn't always the key. I understand how you feel by saying that you feel like a your losing your self dignity. That's exactly how I feel. I don't like living like this at all. But until I am blessed with the funds that it will take to hire an attorney to file a divorce with nothing to split, then I am stuck. I think you should really talk to her to let her know how you are feeling and that you are ready to call it quits unless she shows you otherwise. Good Luck....
2006-12-18 19:57:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
You said you been with her for 2 years and she has not done anything well dont count on her doing anything she is string you on and anyway who can trust a cheater??? What she is doing to her current husband she will do to you all in do time no matter how much love there is between the 2 of you good luck...
2006-12-18 19:51:42 · answer #8 · answered by Mafia6969 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If she's hasn't filed yet, then she's made it clear that your feelings about this issue are not important to her. Either that, or she's hanging on the the married status as plan "B" in case something happens with you. Regardless of the reason, you are right in believing that you deserve better.
2006-12-18 19:48:29 · answer #9 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is no need to feel like sh*t. She is apparently stalling the divorce process for some reason, possibly she's not over her ex.
Try not to waste to much time on her, because you will be wondering later if she still thinks of her ex.
2006-12-18 19:49:39 · answer #10 · answered by rwhz199 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋