My 17 year old daughter has been going out with a brother of a family friend?

Question

However he is not like his brother at all, he has no manners, calls her at all hours and expects her to go to his house or stay at ours after clubbing or the pub. He comes in to our front room and picks up the paper, feet on the table, no acknowledgement to us! I have tryed very hard to accept him, I have even cooked him meals and have no thank you. My daughter is horrible to me and her brothers and totally miserable lately, I know her and this is not her what do I do???

Answer 1

Sounds like this jacka** "brother of a family friend" is an abusive bully. Is he the same age as your daughter or older? You didn't go into much detail about their relationship, but it sounds like he's trying to control her. At best he's just an immature jerk, but by the sounds of it, it's worse and he's just a bully.

I think you sould talk with your daughter first and find out how she feels about the relationship she has with this guy. Something tells me she'll either tell you she's not happy, or she'll act uncomfortable, distant, and maybe a bit nervous, she'll try to change the subject and hide the bad relationship or brush it of by saying "things are okay."

I think she's not in a happy relationship, he's trying to control her with his constant calls, always asking her to come over to his place, or always hanging around your house. I think her change in attitude is because she wants to put some distance between this guy, but she can't because he keeps coming over to your place.

The fact that he doesn't respect you in your own home lends even more to the fact that he may be a bully and someone that needs to be kept away from your daughter and your family.

Talk to your friend about his brother and tell your friend about how he's been acting coming to your house like he owns the place, his rudeness, the late night calls and the constant demands on your daughter. Hopefully, if he's a good friend, he'll understand where your coming from and talk some sense into his brother to quit being such a jacka**.

Tell your friend his brother has worn out his welcome and cannot come over, he cannot call past [specified time], and your daughter must be home at a reasonable hour and cannot stay at his place. If he doesn't change his attiude or becomes more beligerant and abusive you may have to pull out the "big guns" and get ready for a fight... figuratively, legally, and literally.

1) Press your friend to get his bother under control and away from your family. Keep in constant contact with your friend (even if you have to resort to other stuff below) so that he knows that your serious about not feeling safe about his brother being with your daughter or coming over. Hopefully he'll be a good friend and do everything he can to keep you and your daughter safe, even from his own brother. Your friend is going to have the strongest "diplomatic" influence on his brother, and will be able to talk him into backing off (more than anyone else will), unless his brother is a complete moron.

2) I'm assuming that you are a single mother, because if there was a husband or boyfriend living with you this guy wouldn't be thinking he can do whatever he wants over at your place. Get a man to move in with you, someone that has the muscle, martial arts training, and/or a gun and marksmanship skills... (like a cop, military, or ex-cop/military, etc.) that your friend's brother would think twice about crossing. It doesn't have to be permanent, but you should be serious relationship first and be honest with him. Tell him you don't feel safe with this guy around and that you'd also like to experiment with living together temporarily.

3) If getting a boyfriend to move in isn't an option you need to have your own brother or another male friend (not the friend that's is the brother of this guy) move in with you. Again someone that makes this guy think twice about how he behaves in your place and towards you and your daughter. If possible get 2 guys (boyfriend, brothers, uncles, or friends) to move in with you so that one or both are always around to challenge this guy and keep him in line. It doesn't have to be permanent, this guy should get the point after a few (3 - 6) months of them hanging around your place. If he doesn't get the point then it may have to go about a year with the extra men living with you.

4) The term "pub" you used instead of "bar" leads me to believe you don't live in the USA, so I don't know if your daughter is considered a legal adult at 17 or at "the age of consent" for a sexual relationship. Here in the US the majority of states consider 18 to be "the age of consent", a legal adult, and no longer a minor. Any adult (18+) in a sexual relationship with a teen under 18 can be charged with statutory rape. If this guy is older than your daughter you might be able to press the statutory rape angle to get him to back off.

5) Get the cops invovled. You don't have to file charges right away, but you should visit the local station and talk with someone and get information on what you would need to do get a restraining order and file charges if you HAVE to. Here in the states most cops carry an "officers notebook" (a pocket sized pad that they log official details in) which can be used as legal evidence in part of a case. Ask that the officer make an official note in his log book that you had concerns about this guy and that you came in for information. Then before you leave get a blank piece of paper and have the officer write the following things on it 1) the current date on the day of your talk, 2) his/her printed name, 3) his/her badge number, and 4) his/her signature. Keep this piece of paper and safeguard it in a protected file cabinet or lockbox.

You may be asking "Why the note taking?" Well in case you eventually have to press charges against this guy you will have an established piece of evidence to show that the charges are not unfounded and that you have made previous inquieries about how to protect your family. You can use the paper you have to track down the original officer you spoke with, he'll be more likely to remember you since being asked to write down those specific bits of information is not a usual thing for officers to do. The officer you spoke with can present his "Officer's Notebook" as evidence showing his own entries and that you came in on "such-and-such-a-date" requesting information and voicing concerns about someone that may pose a threat to your family. This legal preamble will provide a stronger case for the court to grant a restraining order or press official charges against the guy.

I think your daughter has changed because she doesn't really like this guy, she thinks he's too controlling, and she doesn't feel safe, especially since he's always coming over and you let him stick around. I think once this guy quits coming around, stops calling so often, and she starts feeling safe at home again (with extra men living with you) she'll be happier and change her attitude back to how she was before.

Answer 2

The fact is you don't know this insensitive person. At 17 she is becoming or has become someone your not recognizing despite all that you've enstilled in her. With respect to this person who is disrespecting your home, don't allow them to disrespect your home. You may not be able to fully convince your daughter that he is not good for her, but you sure do have say over what is done is your home. Don't allow him to cross your threshold until and unless he shows respect. With your daughers' disrespect, seek counseling, there may be more going on than what you see on the surface.....

Answer 3

let her and her boyfriend know that it's your house and their attitudes need to change or the boyfriend will no longer be welcomed in your home.

Answer 4

PLEASE "MAN" STOP DOING THAT!!! IT WAS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE, AND I THOUGHT YOU HAD GONE!!!!!!!


WELL GOING BACK TO YOUR QUESTION, IT DOES REALLY MATTER, THAT IS NICE............. CAUSE YOU KNOW HIM!