okay so my husband and I do not have a perfect marriage but we have gotton better. He has lied to me a couple times and I have done the same. An old friend called him to say hello and he didnt really talk to her cause he knows I dont want him to just like he does not want me talking to guys. I freaked out and I got really sensitive and my self esteem dropped even more. Because of all our problems we had I am so scared Im going to lose him and he tells me that Im not but i still feel like I may. The only thing thats helping me realize that he loves me is that he has my name on his ring finger, he has gotton over everything I have done so how do I get over what he has done and stop with these jealous feelings and being self concious of myself. I dont want to drive him away from me! please help!
2006-12-18 11:01:31 · 10 answers · asked by cutiepie21106 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need to take care of you and not worry so much about what He is doing. If a man is a cheater he will cheat no matter what.
You have to love yourself, and know that you are worthy, and if he does not see that then he may not be at that level in his life.
We (meaning most people) get so wrapped up in what the "other" is doing.
Be who YOU are, be happy and if he wants to come along, then GREAT, and if not. Oh well.
The only thing that cures jealousy is self love and self worth.
If he choses to screw around that is his problem, You can still have your integrity!
2006-12-18 11:14:46 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once trust has been shattered within a marriage it's pretty tough to get it back. I don't know if it will ever reach a stage where these past issues wont be brought up at every argument you have. Sometimes there is just too much water under the bridge, do you know what I mean?
I don't want to sound pessimistic, but being possessive and jealous, and suspicious like that can only destroy things, and it sounds like they are already pretty grim.
Unless you can resolve within yourself never to mention the past again - ever - and move forward, with a clean slate, this wont work. You have to put it all behind you for good. Don't ever refer to it, and try not to think about it. Trust him when he goes out - don't interrogate him about what he's been doing, etc. You have to let him go a little, and that way he will come back. You keep him too close on a leash, and he'll be out the door forever.
2006-12-18 11:29:05 · answer #2 · answered by helly 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all just because a man has your name on his ring finger don't mean a man won't leave. I know men who had to-too of there girls neck and they still cheated or left. So please don't let that be the reason way you think your man loves you. First of all you say he didn't really talk to her how do you know he didn't talk to her when your not around? So want if you freaked out. Want he didn't like that. He got mad because he couldn't talk to a ex gf.So what if he got mad. Your telling us your self-esteem dropped. Why? You feel you didn't have that right to feel the way you felt? Yes you did. You need to stop beating your self up. You said get over what he has done, want he cheating before? And you said want You have done? If that's the case of course your going to have jealous feelings. But you now need to look at the facts and stop thinking with your feelings. You and him need to read ten stupid couples do to mess up their relationships and you need to read the proper care and feeding of husbands by Dr. Laura C. Schlessinger
2006-12-18 11:22:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know, marriage is a committment before all of creation, and if in church, before even the creator that two people love one another and want to be with one and other PERMENANTLY.
This you two have done. Hey your'e safe. This is what you two have-A MARRIAGE. Chill out. There's nothing to worry about, you two love each other very much. I can tell. You two don't have to be looking over your shoulder to see if the marriage is safe. The very fact that you do proves that the committment is there and all is well as far as the marriage is concerned.
However marriage has another charactaristic. Actually, many. One is that it is a committment between two MATURE people. Therefore act accordingly. Acknowledge that both of you are human, with human senses and live with that, as two mature people do. TALK with each other. Give each other flexability in acknowlging each others human nature. For if he were not attracted to women, what in hell would he be doing with you? If you were not attracted to men, what in hell would you be doing with him? Appreciate this and relax and love one another. And embrace another of marriages attributes. TRUST. Marriage itself is an act of ultimate trust. You two then should be able to trust one another and the strenght of your marriage. Don't worry, your marriage is strong enough. Because if you two don't lighten up and act maturely and trust in your marriage, then you forfiet one of the great pillars of marriage. If you do this, your marriage might be strong now, but there is a lot of time to go for it to change. Don't give a marriage breakup one iota of a chance. Don't create problems that do not exist. There is no need. Youv'e got something good here. Don't spoil it. Talk, listen, emphasise and tolerate. Be in a mature solid relationship and don't give the green eyed monster a chance. Not one chance in hell. Communicate with one another. Do it. DO IT NOW.
2006-12-18 11:30:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, it will take time. Work on the small victories. For example he told a girl he did not want to talk to her, because he knew you wouldn't like it. Thats a good first step and you should recognize it. Trust takes a lot of time to gain, but only a moment to lose. So don't get frustrated, because you don't trust him right away. It will take time, but if you want it, it can happen.
Good Luck
2006-12-18 11:38:57 · answer #5 · answered by hockey2525 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow. Your post wreaks of immaturity.
I don't think you are old enough, or at least mature enough, to be married.
If you disagree, then my best suggestion is you find an island on which to live where there are no other people. That's the only way to guarantee you keep each other from talking to another man/woman.
2006-12-18 11:12:55 · answer #6 · answered by mrpeabody 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
learn to trust him its hard but try , i sounds from what u said his faithful so why cause or look for something that isn't there to fight about u r pushing him away when u do that , don't give him a reason to go to someone else coz he cant find peace at home..
2006-12-18 11:18:54 · answer #7 · answered by amal L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get A life.
2006-12-18 11:10:37 · answer #8 · answered by melly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The split letter, God's e mail and definition of spouse and mom were basically too good. the following day morning the first element i'd be doing ofcourse after brushing my tooth will be telling them to my acquaintances! You deserve a large number of stars! ok my personality map isnt allowing me to reproduction stars, so please modify with those hearts! ??????????????????????????????????????..... LOL God knows what number thumbs down i will get for this one! besides, Cheers! :) Rudra
2016-11-30 22:39:22 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you two need a great counselor. Go and be honest and open, and good luck.
2006-12-18 11:07:09 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋