My wife weighed 120 pounds when I first met her almost 6 years ago. After our twins were born, she had put on over 80 pounds. She has since lost about 20 pounds and that is all. I love her, but do not find myself attracted to her like I once was. I do not like the thought of being referred to as a "pig" because of this. I have tried the "couples going to the gym" thing as well as personal trainer with her. (I had put on sympathy weight during the pregnancy which I have since lost.) She quit going to the gym and refuses to change her diet. I never talk to her about the weight because I choose my battles. That is one I will lose every time. I have not strayed, nor have I even thought about having an affair. But I am afraid of the path our marriage is taking. Am I a total pig for wanting my "hot" wife back again?
2006-12-18 10:43:12 · 11 answers · asked by Jaybo 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't think you are a "pig". 80 lbs is A LOT to gain. Ask a doctor, and they will tell you that it is simply not healthy to gain this much weight. Yes, you can love a person, but not be attracted to their physical appearance. In the case of your wife, it seems to me like she either has some sort of a medical problem that she is reluctant to address (has she seen a medical professional regarding her condition?) - or she simply doesn't have enough respect for herself or for you to stay in a reasonable shape.
It doesn't sound like there's anything you can do about it; at this point, you are wise to "pick your battles". You can't force her into doing anything she's not prepared to do. Perhaps, this is something you will have to just accept in her, and appreciate other things about your relationship.
2006-12-18 11:00:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not a pig for saying that. Unfortunately you are in a no win situation here. If you ignore it, she stays fat and you are unhappy. If you tell her, she will be hurt, probably eat more and get fatter, so you will also be unhappy, and so will she.
The only thing I can think of is to find ways of raising her self esteem so that she feels more motivated to take care of herself, because ultimately no one else can make her lose the weight. That decision must come from her, and deep down she wants to do it. She just needs her energy levels back somehow.
You could always try to have really energetic sex every night so that she could work the weight off without realising it!!
Other than that, you may just have to decide whether you can live with the way she is if she wont change. It could just be a case of sacrificing the wife you first met for the wife she is now. That doesn't have to be a bad thing. People grow and change mentally and physically. Me, for instance, I have gained a few pounds, but I would rather have my 31 year old head than my 18 year old body with an 18 year old mind.
2006-12-18 11:18:35 · answer #2 · answered by helly 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's normal to want you hot wife back again....and believe it or not your wife wants her "old" self back again.
She's probably feeling so down about herself that trying to lose 60 pounds just seems impossible.
Also think she's trying to take care of twins...she's exhausted and she's forgotten that she's not just a mommy now she's still a woman.
Don't keep suggesting things she can do to lose weight because that's going to make her feel worse.
Try to do things that will show her you still love her and may make her want to lose the rest of the weight. Things like...
kiss her for no reason
hold her hand when you're out
tell her she looks nice when she makes even a little effort
give her some time to herself to take a bath & just relax
tell her you love her
remind her of something fun you guys did before the children
take her out to a movie
be silly and do something nutty like you used to
etc.
You maybe surprised at the results....good luck.
2006-12-18 10:52:48 · answer #3 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not some women tent to do anythingafter marriage which is wrong they way they got you they should be that way during the marriage. putting on weight during pregnac is normal, but most women don't know that you have to start working out asa you heal because your body is waiting for that signal. Women get lazy and don't do this and it causes so many problems in the marriage. I'm affraid to say itt has to be her decision to want and determined to lose her wait. Usually if she liked exercising before she had tha babies she shouldn't have a problem after. Just be honest and tell her the truth it may hurt but it sound like she needs to know you are serious and you may end up doing something that could get you and your family in trouble.
2006-12-18 14:30:35 · answer #4 · answered by tellthetruth 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, but..... My husband let himself go too. It's not fair because I worked hard to get back into my pre-pregancy weight again....yet all he wants to do is eat hot dogs and chips all day gaining weight, yet he had no babies(in spite of cooking healthy for dinner. No telling what he eats for breakfast and lunch). I feel like if they worked to look good before you married them, they should have enough respect for you to look decent. Not to say that the person will stay the same weight or in fact look the same years from now. We know people change, but that isn't fair for them to let themselves go either when they know they can do better.
2006-12-18 10:55:59 · answer #5 · answered by Ms. Chick 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
not a total pig but she needs to see what is in the way of her getting fit.
You need to work together at marriage counseling and hear what she needs and baby - you need to fake it til you make it. If she feels attractive and accepted like this, she will stop eating herself into oblivion - if she feels overwhelmed and unattractive then she will just continue to punish herself and you.
Good Luck - be patient. Be supportive, be sympathetic and listen.
2006-12-18 10:48:57 · answer #6 · answered by anirbas 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
try telling her in a gentle way maybe when Ur cuddling with her say that she gained some weight and that u love her but u want her to be healthy and happy for both of u Ur sake , don't forget to tell her that u love her no matter what but u miss the old her good luck.
2006-12-18 11:28:26 · answer #7 · answered by amal L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to tell her seriously how you feel. Its not fair to you or to her. Tell her that you would like to see her like she was before. Its a touchy subject with most women, but if you never let your feelings get heard how will she know how she can please you? I don't know her, so I am not sure what you should say exactly, but I think you need to tell her. And it is possible to love someone you're with without being attracted.
2006-12-18 11:15:49 · answer #8 · answered by Stephanie H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her how you feel. Hopefully she will understand where you are coming from and she will put some effort into making herself attractive again. Good luck
2006-12-18 10:46:44 · answer #9 · answered by xquis81 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's your wife you said those vows remember until death do us part. You are suppose to be by her and help thru think or thin.
2006-12-18 10:54:03 · answer #10 · answered by Tawanakie H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋