My Husband's Family Hates Me?

Question

Alright the day after thanksgiving they were upset because he didnt send the evening part with them on thanksgving, they came into our home we got into a confrontation, they tried to get him to leave and move back home with them (he stayed) now they are trying to act like nothing happend and he still talks about them to me, I dont want to hear anything about them ( i mean they only came in our apt and broke doors and insulted me ) what should I do? And now with christmas coming around how should this work, I dont want to be like them and try making him choose, but now its like they are making him think his grandfather's health is failing, and he's just fine, what should I do? Who should he listen to the most anyway? A wife or the family? I am just wondering how this all looks from a different point of view, whats funny is I really tried to kiss their butts from day one, but for only this to happen... now what?!! :/

Answer 1

i'm going thru the same thing right now for the first 7 months they tried to break us up and caused more problems then u cud imagine...and now they realize they arent guna break us up so they try to act all cool with me...his family is very important to him so i tried really hard....but he realized that his family is in the wrong...he stopped pressuring me to go around them.. and eventually things got ok...things will never be good tho....i know itz hard for u cuz thats his family..and u dont know what to do honestly...i did the same thing i kissed their butts.. then when they started getting ALL IN THE BUSINESS... i threw it right back at them... talk with ur husband tell him ur not guna be disrepected lyk that..

Answer 2

DO NOT KISS THEIR BUTTS... it will NOT work... I have tried that, You know I had the exact same thing happen to me this thanksgiving my husband’s family was so upset because he did’t send ALL day with them on thanksgiving, they was calling every few minutes cussing us out then the next day they came into our home yelling, EVERY time they come around they try to get him to leave me and move back home with them . they always try to act like nothing happened and he still talks them, even though they insult me all the time. And now with Christmas I don’t think it will work, they are trying to make him choose, but now its like they are making him think his mother's health is failing, and she's just fine

Here is the advice a friend gave me …

tell your husband should tell his family to just back off… he is not going to choose and if he has to he picks you over them you are his family now and if they don’t like that they can just get over it because you are not going anywhere, and if they can’t except that tell them they can not call or come around any more and if they still come around… get “no trespassing” papers served on them

it worked for me…

THEY BACKED OFF (no papers were served)

Answer 3

The two of you need to have a serious heart to heart. The two of you are one now. You are his first priority. He is aware of how dysfunctional his family is. This is whom he grew up with. So don't beat him down about them. But explain calmly how you felt and feel about what happened. This is not acceptable behavior from anyone. He is the one that needs to make his wild family aware of his decision to demand respect in his home. Don't get yourself worked up over nothing. He will make the right choices, you just have to talk to him and give him a chance. And don't go out of your way to be nice to anybody in the family. The truly owe you an apology. But don't act mean toward them just indifferent. Good luck and God bless****

Answer 4

I have the exact same problem but it is with my wifes mother who lives withus since 2 severe strokes 6 yrs ago. So from experience this is a no win situation. True a husband is to give up his family for his wife but it doesnt always happen that way. In my case I told my wife Id never stop her from having things to do with her mom or family but just dont expect me to have anything to do with them. Out of respect and love for my wife Ihave never confronted her mom over any of this but there hasnt been a day in 27 yrs that I havent prayed for something to happen to her, but I stay quiet to preserve status quo in our family, but the prayers go on. As to who he should listen to, is a decision that only he can make, but cant really expect you to honor or be an active part of his families relationship, nor him in yours. You two have a relationship that is truly yours and yours alone and seperate from both families. Dont lower yourself kissing their butts as this will not accomplish one thing no matter how bad you want everything to work, except it shows a weakness in you to his parents and you dont need that. Just worry about your marriage and the rest will take care of itself. Good luck and Merry Christmas

Answer 5

I feel for you. My fiance's family (we aren't even married yet!!) hates me too. We have been together for 5 1/2 years and just had a son 6 months ago and now they really hate me. I believe that the husband is supposed to leave his family for his wife. That is what the Bible says anyway. I haven't had any luck either, wish you some though. Hang in there.

Answer 6

STOP kissing their butts right now!!! don't change who you are for anybody, if they don't like it then the h*ll with them. 2nd, that is yours and your husbands home that they are bursting into, you have a right to make them turn around at the door. Not saying that you have to be mean, but you need a back-bone and stand up for yourself. Make them respect you. If they see that you let them intrude on you like that they will continue to do so (remember you are married for life). Last, talk to your husband...he should diffinately put his foot down and protect you. But again there's where you still need to stand up b/c some men are Momma's boys and they can't stand up to their family. Demand respect sweetness, they'll get over it!

Answer 7

You're not making him choose. He has to choose. Don't blame yourself for it.

I would say stay away, obviously, from using any kind of trickery like they're doing with the lies about the grandfather's health.

If he married you, you are his family now and he should be choosing you, if they are forcing him to choose. If he doesn't, you obviously can't be with him.

I hope he has the guts and the brains to figure this out and stand by his decision. If not, you don't need him.

Oh, and I agree, don't take any more ****

Answer 8

First of all you need to tell you husband. With a straight face and firm voice. Tell him look this thing with your family has gone on long enough and I am not going to deal with it anymore. If you need or want to go visit your family you go on your own. And you as my husband needs to let them know your his wife and she don't want no one coming over, because it cost a lot of problems. You need to let your husband know you don't have to put up with that and your not and you don't want his family in your house. Come on now these people are breaking down your doors. They have no respect for you or your husband. But am sure your husband feels there his family and he has to put up with it. NO HE DOES NOT. Your his family now. Your his wife and you and your thoughts and feelings and whats come first now.When your telling him make sure YOU get a cross your not telling him not to visit his family, just let him know that your not going. And for Christmas's dinner I would stay home with just your family or go to your family's house. Your husband is going to have to put his foot down on his people or your going to always have them around. If I was you I would not put up with that.I hope you don't live in the same town. If you do your best bet is to move and don't let them know where you live. If your husband is a wipe your going to have to put your foot down or this is the type of family going to try to break you guys up. And you know that. So what if they think your a *****, so what. There type of people they have nothing else to do. If your husband should have to pick he better pick his wife.Stop kissing their butts. They respect no one. You and your husband needs to read ten stupid things couples do to mess up their relationships by Dr. Laura C. Schlessinger

Answer 9

Oh that is so hard. I have been through the same thing. I would say that you need to talk to him about this and let him know exactly how you feel!

Good luck!

Answer 10

I sure can relate to you. Trust me, it want get better. Stay away from them and you'll have less heartache. If your husband thinks this is normal, he needs counseling. He is supposed to put you 1st and foremost.