My live in bf makes a lot less than i do, and in the beginning it was cool cause i could handle our expenses, but now its becoming a burden..how can i demand he help me out? i do not want to nag? or throw in his face ? when the discussion arises he says he feels less of a man and i feel bad and forget the issue, but i am reaching a point where i am fed up.
2006-12-18 10:08:34 · 11 answers · asked by justaxica 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The pig brings home the bacon.....no jk...
Well if the fact that he feels less of a man bothers him and you, it's probably because he is less of a man, if he knows there's a struggle to cover the expenses he should be man enough to get up and find a better paying job. If he doesn't want to help and always comes up with an excuse then move on with your life and let him deal with his.
2006-12-18 10:15:10 · answer #1 · answered by Danny G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Create a monthly expense sheet. List all of your monthly bills.
Add your incomes together, on paper only, and figure out what percentage of the total income each of you earn. Then, say, if your percentage of the total income is 70%, then you pay 70% of the bills and he pays 30%. Leave the dollar amounts out of it. And, keep your separate bills (like personal cell phones or personal car payments or studen loans or the like) off the joint monthly bill list.
That is the fair way to do things. And, if your boyfirend really is concerned about his masculinity then he will feel relieved at this equitable solution. And you both end up with the same percentage of money left over from your paychecks.
Could be that your man just doesn't want to give up his money so he pulls that 'less than a man' crap. Unless he is climbing the ladder in a career and this pay level is just one step and there will be a higher income in the future, then he needs to do whatever is necessary to improve his position.
'
People do work two jobs, work overtime and, people have worked full time and put themselves through college too, forever.
2006-12-18 18:22:36 · answer #2 · answered by Liligirl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know what his skills are but is it possible for him to find a job that pays a bit more in the line of work he does? If not, could he possibly get a second job? Part-time? It is hardly fair for you to shoulder all the responsibility. You both make expenses so you both should split them.
If he were disabled and couldn't work that would be different. As long as he is able he can take on another job to help supplement the one he has. That way he woudl be pulling his share and he wouldn't have to feel like less of a man
2006-12-18 18:15:16 · answer #3 · answered by Arleen J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Feel bad???? Are you crazy???? You each have to pull your own weight, he dont feel to bad or less of man if he acknowledges that he is not paying his fair share of the bills, and has not made an attempt to fix the situation (like get another job) Why would you put someone else before you? Just say it, it is what it is, he obviously already knows, and he also knows what buttons to push to make you drop it so he can keep sucking off you.
2006-12-18 18:22:57 · answer #4 · answered by nmaponte 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
feeling like less of a man isn't an excuse
but you can't just tell him to earn more money, if he could write his own paycheck I'm sure he would be giving you whatever you want. The one who can brings home the bacon. In our case, my wife and I are in a horrible situation, but I had to come to Argentina to be with her and I'm not legal to work, so what little bacon (ew, I'm vegetarian) we have comes from her, but once we're done with the visa application to the U.S. she'll be taking a break... we're going to be basically taking turns for the near future.
2006-12-18 18:15:26 · answer #5 · answered by Boludo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's making a effort to improve himself with either school or some sort of intern training, then give him time. IF he is still flipping burgers and has no intention of bettering himself...while he is at work, have his stuff packed and left on the door steps, then change the locks.
No one needs to have a anchor holding them back. If its getting on your nerves now, what do you think it will be like in 6 months? Just worst is the answer.
Good luck!
2006-12-18 19:46:23 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
is it possible that he says that just so you'll stop nagging? A real man would make an effort to improve the problem, not just whine about it. Does he make up for it in other ways? I don't earn as much as my hubby, but I work my butt off in the house and try to help as much in other ways.
2006-12-18 18:26:55 · answer #7 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to figure out what is important to you and what you can live with. If this is an issue for you then maybe you need to end the relationship with him. It is better to do it now then wait until things get even deeper into the relationship.
2006-12-18 18:12:11 · answer #8 · answered by Jewells 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
create a kitty system - if your income is 50K and his is 30K then calculate the common costs - housing, dates, utilities and for every $5 you put in, he puts $3 in.
You are both sharing the load commensurate to your incomes. It's fair and it avoids a sense of burden.
Tell him that he is enough of a man that you want to share your life with him. His income is not a measure of his manhood but how he handles his responsibilities is.
2006-12-18 18:27:46 · answer #9 · answered by anirbas 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if he wants to feel more of a man, then tell him to go make more money, strive towards further education, which should enable him with getting a better job
2006-12-18 18:12:54 · answer #10 · answered by jimmy.parker06 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋