I have 2 people in my life who are actively trying to make me miserable, how do I let go, mentally?

Question

My baby's daddy, and my ex-best friend of 20 years, have recently started dating. I let that go because, frankly, they deserve each other. But, more recently, I discovered there is drug use going on. For the safety of my child, I went to court and requested that he be enrolled in a drug program, and if he followed the guidelines, we would continue to share custody. He agreed, and he currently has her 3 days, and I have her 4 days. He gets drug tested randomly, etc. Here is my problem...he and my ex-friend are going out of their way to harass me, indirectly. It is all petty and ridiculous. I don't respond but it is non-stop. I am trying to find a way to find peace and serenity. My instincts tell me to fight back, but you can't win. I only want to provide a safe and healthy enviornment for my children, but the stuff they are doing keeps me up at nite, stresses me out at work, etc. How do I let them do what they have to do, and still find peace in my own life?

Answer 1

Girl, You are doing the right thing. Have you ever heard the statement said " the only person truly capable of letting others affect them is you" ?
Well, this is a case of that. You know what type of people your ex BF and ex best friend can be, right? they don't view or see things the same as you and more than likely never will.Cant change them any more than you are going to let them change you. Consider the source and know in your heart that you are better than that and after a little time when they realize they are getting no affect by their actions they will get bored of it and stop.
Don't act out on them, more than likely they have some other motive other than just making you miserable.Possibly something in the ways of how they can make you appear legally and try and affect your rights with your kids. They are not worth it.
Good luck!

Answer 2

This is what you are asking, no one is answering the real question, the question is "how do I let them continue to fukc with my life and peace of mind, and still go on with my life as usual, as if it isn't happening or affecting you in any way?" The answer to this question is simple, you can't. As long as they are actively harrassing you(however passive it may be), it will continue to bother you. Now, the fun part begins. Since there is no way to filter it out(as you will not stop thinking, worrying, wondering), you need to end it. The best way to do this is to A) Threaten to take him to court for full custody B) Threaten to take him AND her to court for harrassment. C) Start your own little war of investigation and start collecting information if you do actually go to court. Also, always keep in the back of your mind that it is possible he could be doing the same thing, make sure you give him no ammunition, as far as she goes, she is nothing but an accessory. Start a journal, take pictures, ANYTHING you can to back yourself if you go to court. This means if your child comes home dirty, take a picture, make sure it is dated(the best way you can do this is by holding a daily newspaper so that the date shows up in the picture, because dated photos alone aren't good enough, as they can easily be changed), if your child has a new bruise, take a picture, if your child is verbal enough(you didn't state the age), ask questions about the time at her dads(use a small tape recording device to capture this). I know it sounds like a lot of hassle, but ur child and your peace of mind are so worth it in the end. Good luck!

Answer 3

As far as harassment is concerned it depends on what form the harassment is taking. You say it is indirect and if this is true then you should just forget it and move on. However, if it is continual, whether it is indirect or direct, you do have options. If the harassment takes the form of verbal sarcasm or something along these lines then you can tape record some of the incidents and report them to the court. If the harassment takes the form of something physically bothersome then you can have a friend follow you and take some pictures and then show them to a court. If you are constantly being harassed and bothered at work or any place else you can get an injunction against your ex and his friend.

Answer 4

I say just let them know the harassment needs to stop or you'll be forced to place a restraining order on them. Let them know you'd like to live peacefully with them in the children's lives....in the long run if you can avoid a legal battle it will be for the best. And if the children can have their mother and father it will be for the best. It sounds like you're trying to handle a really tough situation in the most compassionate way possible and I applaud you for that.....but their is only so much a person can take. Avoid using the children as leverage....but let them know you have limits.

What is it they are harassing you about?

Answer 5

If you have to have contact because of your kids, treat the entire situation differently. This sounds a bit nuts, but stay with me here. Pretend your ex and his girlfriend are people that you have to be nice to for some reason (they're mental patients who think everyone deserves to be treated meanly, they're negative spirits, whatever works) and always deal with them as the persona you think up for them. You'll find yourself becoming more amused at them when you think of them as Brandt and Hilde the re-adjusting neurotics then trying to rationalize the way they act toward you. Lastly, remember that they have no right to catch your children in this and if you think that you are putting your kids in a bad situation by letting them be alone with these people, trust yourself and get them out of the situation.

Answer 6

I had the same problem with soon to be ex husband and the girl he was fooling around with (his best friend ex gf) I told him and I told her if this ridiculous harassment don't stop am going to the police and get a re stain order on the both of you. they were harass me by driving by my job,my house, leaving message on my cell it went on for almost a year. and finally they just stop because I didn't pay them no attention and plus when I finally told them that I was going to the police. I think she was trying to get me to move because she only lived down the street from me.so it was easy for her and my soon to be ex husband to drive by my house. and at the end she moved.

Answer 7

when ever they call you with drama, don't get on there level no matter whats been said to you. Smile and keep going. It my bother you on the inside but dont show it. let them bombs do them ok.. They both will get tired once they see your not fighting back with them. They're not worth the drama nor the headaches.

Answer 8

Wow!! i am silently praying for you honey... Misery loves company, so that should explain to you why they are aggrevating you huh?? i feel your discomfort & stress & i pray for God to guide you through this & bless your enemies & you should pray 4 the same, God tells us if we pray him to "BLESS" those that are doing you wrong in any way & he will heap there heads with hot coals!!!!! prayer changes things, trouble dont last always, be encouraged no matter whats going on god will make it alright but you gotta stay strong....

Answer 9

You may have no other choice but to give them enough rope to hang themselves. Record phone calls and log every encounter, preferably with video recordings. You will then have a much stronger leg to stand on if it becomes necessary to file for sole custody.

Answer 10

here's the answer i suggest: go to the principal, er... judge!
tell them that your being harrassed, the way is did to the principal (no i do not mean sexually, i mean physically)then, take your child, change your look and your name, do the same for your child and get the hell out of that city, or if you live in a large city, another part of it.