Is there a way to bring up an issue without sounding critical?

Question

Nobody likes to be criticized, of course, but there are people who are extremely sensitive to it to the point that they miss the intended message because they can't get passed being hurt by it, and telling them to grow a thicker skin makes it all the more detrimental.

People seem to be more sensitive to someone who may be allergic to certain foods or environments, but I wonder why many people don't seem to care what their words do to other people.

Do you think that we should show more consideration to those people who are sensitive to criticism than all others?

I would appreciate an answer because a couple of family relationships may be on the line over this.

Answer 1

Something I learned a long time ago is that to be successful in this life you have to understand human behaviour, then to not take it personally...

I see you are getting there...

Congratulations!

Another key to remember is that words don't illicit emotional reactions, it's people's interpretations of those words that cause the reaction.

You can say the following, "...miss the intended message because they can't get passed being hurt by it..."

But that is usually a symptom of some other issue, the likes of which, you have absoluely nothing to do with. You are merely witnessing the outter manifestation of something else going on.

But then you also talk about people who seemingly don't care what their words do to other people.

Because you said this, it tends to make me think that maybe you are the one that gets trampled by other people's words...

If that's the case, you have to understand behaviour. Why is that person talking with that tone? Why is that person "attacking"? Why is that person so quick to point out other people's faults? (or whatever the situation is?)

Nine times out of ten you will find that the real reason is because it's some sort of mechanism that person uses to deal with their own issues or insecurities, or it's nothing more than their way to mask something they are trying to cover up.

Once you have that figured out, you are truly empowered!

Now the reason this is a rather long answer is because you really brought up three different points. I have touched upon two of them, but your original question was how to bring up an issue without sounding critical.

To answer your question, by virtue of what an "issue" is, it's impossible to touch upon it without being critical, however, there ways to get around this.

The most important part of conveying this is to use logic and not be prone to emotional arguements. Figuratively tape the word "Empowering" to the forehead of the person to which this conversation is being directed to.

There is a description about some people that can tell you that you are wong and make you feel bad about it. These people have not caught on yet... Emotionally they are still in the dark ages.

Briefly, as an example, they may end a sentence with, "And I don't like it!!!"

Once again, think Empowering...

For the person talking, it sure feels good to spit that out. But for the person listening, do they learn anything from it? Is there anything to be gained from such a statement?

Certainly not! It's an emotional statement born out of anger Remember, logical is good, emotion is bad.

For you to convey your arguement in this debate (make your point) you should use examples and show, step by step how things happen the way they happen. If you don't convey any "triggers" the person to whom you are speaking won't get into their defensive mode.

And I will also tell you that it takes practice, you have to become a better observer, a better listener, and you have to become better at making mental notes. You aren't going to be perfect the first time, but once you get good at this you will also notice that your relationships get better, and your ability to judge other people will improve.

Answer 2

Yes, I believe you should show more consideration to those people who are sensitive to criticism. The message, if it is to be effective, needs to be heard. It will not be heard unless designed for the listener. Phrases such as 'you always', 'you never', 'you should or shouldn't' why can' you just...', need to be avoided. Try using phrases like 'I understand why', 'it is perfectly reasonable to', and then temper it with 'however, when you do/say that you take a chance that it can create negative feelings in another person because they may not see the situation the same way you do'. I don't think (in a family situation) that the real intent is to hurt or there is a lack of care what their words do to others. They simply lack the ability to communicate effectively with appropriate levels of empathy for their intended audience. Remember, familiarity breeds contempt and in family settings there is usually a lot of familiarity!

Answer 3

The best way to make your point known is by using feelings instead of accusations. When you have to criticize someone, also point out their good points as well. This will produce better results.

Answer 4

I believe so. If there was some guy that cried about everything and was very sensitive obviously you wouldn't critisize anything about him. Then if there's somebody that's a strong person mentally and takes advice well then you'd give them *constructive* critisism because you know they can handle it. I hope this helped. Good luck hun.

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