If i wait till i am in labor?????

Question

Can i force my bf whom i am engaged to be there?he does not want to be at the birth of his own son saying its gross?I refuse to give birth without him .I was thinking if i wait till the last minute to go too the hospital i could force him to drive me and witness the birth?since we live together and have since college.I just want him to hold my hand and tell me everything will be okay in labor because i am scared.

I even called of the wedding over this and he still wont change his mind!I am due christmas day so i dont have much more time to convince?

what is a
doula?

Answer 1

Girl, if he doesn't want to be there, you don't either. You need some good female support. You need someone there with a relaxing soothing voice who is confident about your birthing process. Try to find a doula to attend your birth. If he's uncomfortable about it, his energy will just make *you* uncomfortable...which is the absolute LAST thing you need at a time like that. My husband insisted that no one else be there besides the two of us and the hospital staff. What a disaster! He *wanted* to be there, and he was just useless. When the proverbial sh** hit the fan, he just sat there and cried...the whole 48 hours! I really wish I had had some female support at my daughter's birth. Well, there's always next time. Good luck.

Answer 2

It's kind of late now, but having him attend a childbirth class with you might have helped.

My advice is that you can't change him, you have to decide if this is important enough to jeapordize your entire relationship over. If you force him to be there and he doesn't want to be, he could end up just sitting in a corner being no support to you. My husband is wonderful and loving, but freaks out about hositals, needles, blood, etc... He was useless during labor and childbirth and I felt very alone. It was because of that experience that I became a doula. If I am blessed to have another child, I will most definitly have a doula.

I think that having a doula is always a good idea... A doula accompanies a woman in labor, mothers the mother, taking care of her emotional needs throughout childbirth. If a doula is the primary support person she will take care of your physical needs as well, and be able to offer pain coping techniques. If a doula were a secondary support person, she would provide support and suggestions for your partner that can enhance his experience of birth.

Not only will your doula come to you as early in your labor as you want (even before you go to the hospital), but she will stay for a while afterwards making sure that breastfeeding gets started okay (if you plan to) and that you and the baby are well. She will meet with you before your birth to go over your birthplan and any concerns you may have and meet with you once or twice after your birth.

Even if your boyfriend changes his mind and decides to come, you should still try to arrange for a doula to be there. If his attitude now is any indication he may not be much of a support. Even if he were, doulas have experience and knowledge that dads don't.

You can find a directory of doulas here- http://www.alldoulas.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=8
and you can find free doulas here-
http://www.bellywomen.net/listings/?&MMN_position=2:2

Answer 3

I don't think you can force him to go or give him ultimatums. And you will have to have the baby whether he's there or not, so refusing to do so is a hollow threat. If he is supportive in all other aspects of the "game" then you should try to respect his fear of watching the birth. Sometimes men get really traumatized....my husband was so upset by the sight of a baby coming from me he had a hard time having sex for a long time after wards. I would enlist another family member to be in the room so you have some labor support.

Plus, if you tell him it's OK and as long as he's there for in the the hospital until the time comes (then he can go wait in the hall) and then after wards he should come back to your side....maybe he will change his mind at the last second. Like reverse psychology. but don't be too sad if he doesn't. He'll still be a good father.

Good luck!

Answer 4

I don't think you should force your boyfriend to watch what's going on down below, but he should be able to hold your hand and stay by your head. Tell him what you told us, that you want him to hold your hand and tell you everything will be okay, because that is his job as a father. His responsibility as a father started the day you conceived, and he needs to be there to support both his child and the mother of his child. That said, forcing him is only going to cause bad feelings and place a negative wedge between the two of you - discuss it with him, wear him down until he thinks it was his idea to stay there with you and hold your hand. Don't wait too long to go to the hospital - you could have complications (or bad traffic!) and don't want to jeopardize the life of your new baby because of its father's stubborness. Put your child first - because you will be for the rest of its life. Good luck!

Answer 5

i understand the deesire to have him there, but regardless if he is there or not, that baby is gonna come out, so refusing to have it with out him is pointless this late in the game.
pushing him and trying to force him may succeed in what you want, but it may also serve to drive him away and hurt any type of relationship he has with his kid.
i wou;d wait till last min. to go to the hospital anyway though.
have you considered hiring a doula?

Answer 6

wow i bet you are really scard. I don't know how i survied labor twice with out my boyfriend.
In a way I don't see anything grosse at all about a child being born.
If he dosent want to see the baby come out fine than he can sit at your head .
i dont understand why he would not want to see his own son born. Dosent he realize that if he is not there later in life he might regret this desion and time can not turn back.
How would the child feel when it asked questions about his birth?

Answer 7

dont wait until the last minute you could put your baby in danger and even then you cant force the jerk to be there. I would get a family member or friend to go in with you.

Answer 8

what if he faints in while you're in labor?that's another person the doctors/nurses will have to worry about besides you and the baby... do not wait till you're in labor.. its not safe for the baby... just ask him to be at least be at the hospital..at the door of the room...there will be a lot of people to hold your hand...