I just got married 2-3 months ago. And its so not fun. My husband is messy and the house is always a mess. I work 12 hours a day and when I get back home, I need to clean, do laundry, buy food, if his kids are around they need to be fed. They never go to sleep before midnight (my husband and his ex support "kids with free spirits" and the 4 and 9 year olds are allowed to go to sleep whenever they like) Lately he has been using my credit cards claiming that this is joint accounts now. He supports his ex-wife and kids and he never has enough to cover half of our house hold. Its only been 2.5 months, and I am already tired of this. Not to mention his do not respect me. They yell at me if I try to ask them to do something like make their beds. My life was so nice and quite before I married him. We got a house together and a huge mortgage. Also we had beautiful plans about having our own baby one day, but my husband says to me: I hope I convinced you now not to have a baby. What do I do?
2006-12-18 09:31:32 · 28 answers · asked by Michelle 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I totally know what you are going through, me and my husband just got married a little over 3 weeks ago and Im already having major second thoughts. After we got home from our honeymoon his ex decided to leave his son with us and she took off 4 states away. Every morning I wake up I cry and want to go home, thank god my family is being very supportive and understand what I am going through and they want me to come back home. I decided to wait till after the holidays and see how I feel after that, but whatever you do DO NOT GET PREGNANT with this guy.
2006-12-18 09:46:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, the first thing you need to do is sit down with him and talk. Tell him how you feel and let him tell you how he feels. Tell him what you think needs to be done to make this work. Let him tell you what he thinks needs to be done to make it work. Don't expect it to all go your way but don't let it go all his either. See if you two can't compromise in a way that both of you can live with. If, after all the talking and listening, you feel it has not been worked out so that you will be able to have a loving relationship(believe me, if you are not happy, you will not have a loving relationship), then you need to seriously consider getting out. Also, you want a baby of your own and he already has several. If he doesn't want anymore children, can you live without having one?? That is a very tough thing to live with if you decide not to have one because of him. You might end up hating him anyway. Think about it.
2006-12-18 17:45:18 · answer #2 · answered by K C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
you should have spent a few years together first to test it
he should be doing SOMETHING !!!!
if you work 12 hours a day , he should do the other work at home. All of it.
Also, some kinda bed time for the kids, not insisting they sleep, just to be quiet and in their rooms so the adults get some sanity time and/or sex time. Maybe for kids that small 8PM, a little later for older kids
I would NOT insist that kids make their beds, there's no good reason for it.
2006-12-18 17:43:37 · answer #3 · answered by kurticus1024 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I am surprised that you didn't know about this stuff before hand. Anyway, the situation will not get better. My suggestion is to get out before it's too late. Most importantly, believe it or not, don't go too far with the house situation. Get what belongs to you from the house and let someone else take care of his bratty kids. It may be possible to change his kid's attitudes with his help, but he doesn't seem willing. Don't let this go on for too much longer.
2006-12-18 17:42:21 · answer #4 · answered by The Overweight Lover 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gosh, i usually don't support divorce and I usually back the guys, but on this one I have to side with you. First of all, I feel really bad for your situation, that being said, you need to do something about it. My suggestion would be to pull out the old ultimatum card on his ***! You really need to be brave and stand up to him and his kids. Let them know that things NEED to change. Let HIM know that this is not what you intended to marry into. Warn him, warn him, warn him, that you are not going to live this way. You are a beautiful human being and your not going to stay around and take crap from his kids. I just wished you would have know all this before taking the plunge with this guy...listen we all make mistakes right? But this is not what you had in mind and probably not what your husband suggested when he married you. STAND UP, TAKE A STAND, BE BRAVE, and Go Kick some butt, ok?
2006-12-18 17:39:54 · answer #5 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
RUN! Don't walk! Out of that house. This will never work. He is going to suck you into the black hole of his miserable life. Get out while you still recognize that there is something wrong with it. The longer it goes on the less likely you will be able to get untangled. It's better to cut your losses now and find a man that actually wants to have kids (and wants a real partner to raise them with!) And someone that will appreciate your career and back you up with help. Good luck!
2006-12-18 17:37:03 · answer #6 · answered by Chula 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
leave him , u don't need this Ur not his personal maid , u can live better with some one who will love an appreciate u more and u can have a baby with and who will take care of u .... there r guys like that out there, maybe if u leave him he will get a wake up call , u don't need a husband or his kids to treat u like this u should be happy first , Ur a newly wed...
2006-12-18 19:47:25 · answer #7 · answered by amal L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMGosh that story is almost like a nightmare. were there no signs before the vows. i hate to say it but i would be looking for a way out. people rarely change because of another and he seems like he will not change for you. have you even gone to him about these problems and concerns. maybe that should be your first step. if nothing changes (and the children will not for sure) then an annulment is in your future. i usually don't advise people to leave but this is a tough one. think hard, not long
2006-12-18 17:37:42 · answer #8 · answered by chrisarea_99 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Move fast you might get a lawyer to do an annulment. It will look better than a divorce. You will soon be too weak to move out. There is a need to be in a safe place now because it is Christmas and you might have a breakdown.
2006-12-19 01:02:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Geez, did you know anything about him or any of these things before you married him? You should've lived with him first before marrying. It's too late now. You need to deal if you love him. You should talk to him, be straight about how you feel. Let him know what kind of changes you want. If he loves you, he will compromise.
2006-12-18 17:37:06 · answer #10 · answered by sugarBear 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋