When do I give up on my relationship? We've been together for 7 mths, and I respect her, run errands for her, help her w/her daugther, and do everything I can to make sure she comes first. I rub her back every night, I basically do whatever she wants! I'm not exagerrating. The problem is that she is very unaffectionate, she doesn't talk to me much, and she never really wants to go anywhere. I have asked her why she is so unaffectionate, and she says that she truly doesn't mean to be. When she told me that she really cares about me, she was almost crying. She invites me places with her and includes me in her family functions. I feel so unfulfilled, but I love her so much that I would give my life for her. It's complicated. On top of all this, she has a disability. She works and has a good job, but I think maybe her disability contributes to insecurity maybe. She just seems down all the time, and I wish I could pick her up. I just don't have the energy sometimes. Any ideas?
2006-12-18 09:22:44 · 7 answers · asked by Scott R 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Some people are just not as affectionate/intimate as others. It is just the way they are naturally. If you love her as much as you say you do, stop trying to make her something she isn't and accept what she is able to give you. Over time she may develope the ability to show affaction, but she may not. If you need someone to show you the same affection back that you offer to them in order to feel fulfilled in a relationship, do her a favor and move on so you can both have what you need. Otherwise, love her for who she is and what she feels comfortable offering and be happy with that.
2006-12-18 09:32:32 · answer #1 · answered by PDH 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, it sounds like youre in the wrong relationship here. It may be that you feel sorry for her due to being a single mother with a disability and are mistakeningly taking your sorrow for love. She doesnt sound like she has the same feelings for you as you do for her. This relationship is based on the wrong thing and will never go anywhere you want and will have a tragic end.Your best bet is to get out of this relationship as painlessly as possible and remain as friends in case later on down the road. Sorry for my answer, good luckand Merry Christmas
2006-12-18 17:37:40 · answer #2 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does she have a family history of depression? Have you asked her about seeing a counselor to get out all of her emotions? I don't think it is anything personal but she may be really depressed and not feeling that you would understand her depression. I go through the same thing with my husband and my depression. There are times when I want to talk to him only and then there are times when I don't want to talk to him or anyone who knows me. Depression is a tricky thing and it runs in my family on my mother's side (thanks mom)...LOL...She probably loves you but is going through something right now that she may not even understand herself. Try to keep the lines of communication open and try and get her some help if she is open. Good luck!!
2006-12-18 17:34:07 · answer #3 · answered by Hope 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps your girlfriend might benefit from some professional counselling. I wonder if she might be suffering from chronic depression? I have known people who suffer from this mental illness and it makes life about as much fun for them as trying to go hiking wearing cinder blocks for shoes. Everything is an effort for them. Lack of interest in pleasant things like sex might be an indicator. Has she seen a doctor about this yet?
2006-12-18 17:44:55 · answer #4 · answered by intuition897 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure what her disability is, but that could be the entire reason for this behavior. She may have a "wall" up because she is insecure and doesn't want to be hurt. She may have been dumped in the past because of this, and she is just afraid to let herself be totally open. Counseling might be necessary ... but if you lover her, please try to be strong and persistent. You have to break down the emotional wall. But again, a professional (couple's counseling?) might help.
2006-12-18 17:31:21 · answer #5 · answered by danika1066 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
when a person is not affectionate it don't mean they don't like you it's just the way they are. my bf is the same way. it's always me rubbing on him or something, and when I try to get close to him (rubbing his arm or back etc...) he tells me want are you doing? he gets real jumping. I'm a touching feel person. He's not. But it don't mean he don't like me. there just not a touching feel person. But I think this go's a little deeper then that for you. I think you don't want to be in this relationship no more?And you don't really no how to break it off. you know she loves you and you love her, but it's not working for you.well for one your not married. your only dating. even if you live with her, and also your shacking-up. dating is for the person (you) to see if this is the one. you need to ask yourself can you spend the next 30yrs+yrs with this person? you really need to ask yourself that. it's hard because your dealing with feelings. and sometimes feelings are up and sometimes there down. feelings are never right or wrong, and there never a fact. when a person is dealing with life time decisions you have to deal with facts. you need to read ten stupid things men do to mess up their lives and ten stupid things couples do to mess up their relationships by Dr. Laura C. Schlessinger
2006-12-18 18:06:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey Scott
i think she suffer from depression and that why i think she has very low self es teen. that way she is so affectionate i really think she needs some professional cousinly
2006-12-18 17:34:09 · answer #7 · answered by little_bear 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋